If you’re divorced, do you regret it?

[Magicmouses]

Facing a possible divorce right now and wondering how many women regret it, down the line? If you could go back, would you stay married?

Following this because I think I'll be getting divorced in the next year the way things are with DH. 3 years of hell after bereavement and illness and I keep thinking things will get better as we've been together 34 years but he's being so awful i don't think I can wait much longer for the old him to come back..

I didn’t use it as an excuse not to, as I clearly did divorce, but it is a valid fear.
Being alone is great until your health goes, or your children move away and then you are that-alone.

I can certainly see why people use that as a reason not to. I felt differently in my 30s and 40s but it isn’t quite so easy to pick up your life in your 50s

Nope, I regretted nothing after divorcing my ex, after 28 years. Nothing abusive involved, the marriage had just run out of steam.

I later met the love of my life, and had a lot of happy years until he died. 🙂

No. I'm incredibly grateful that I don't have to stare at my ex-DH over the breakfast table every day.

Best decision I ever made. No regrets, ever. Not once.

Agree, I am in my 50s, kids on the cusp of leaving permanently and it's not great but there are just no guarantees for anyone in old age.

I had several older female relatives who were alone for years in their old age, not through divorce but because their husbands died before them.

Happy to be divorced. It was just awful being married to that man.

And yes, as a woman of 53, I fully expect to be single for the rest of my life. And also alone when the dcs have left home.

Tough. But preferable to being married to that man. I wasted ten years too many with him.

I’m not overjoyed that I got divorced from the father of my child but I didn’t really know who he was when I married him and I’m definitely glad I’m not married to him any more! I’m far happier in myself, more confident. I’ve been promoted twice! But most importantly DD is far, far happier.

No regrets about being divorced.

Exh was having an affair and wanted to be with OW. At the time, I thought it was the end of the world. It wasn’t, it was the making of me and my life is so much better now.

I regret ignoring the warning signs and choosing him anyway.

I regret not leaving, all those times I was ready to and really should have.

I especially regret the person and mother I became while I was with him.

I regret internalising all the societal bullshit about failed marriages and single mothers.

Do I regret leaving? Not one little bit, ever.

OP - if your life is ok, but missing "excitement", or relationship feels stale and you think there must be someone else out there who'll give you butterflies.... Then it may not be a great reason to divorce - unless you are fairly young, and marriage itself has been short - and a mistake.
I have seen a few women getting divorced to meet a new and better partner - especially as peri hits and we women seen to go through a few years of emotional rollercoasters - often spurring women to change their lives in a dramatic ways. These divorces often lead to regrets.

If, however, there are deeper issues in the relationship - and you are dreading being together, and can't imagine growing old together. And, more importantly - OK with possibility of being on your own - then of course - looks like divorce is a good idea.

The other important factor in how women are with divorce is whether you are ok financially on your own. Especially if there are kids involved.
So - plan ahead and prepare.

Personally for me - my relationship had unresolvable issues, and I am happier divorced. Life did get harder in many ways, but overall, I am comfortable, and kids have adjusted,

I'm currently mid divorce. Genuinely thought I was in a very happy marriage until EH handed me a list of "issues" and left a few days later. I was devastated, baffled and heartbroken.

I found the strength to begin the divorce process myself as soon as I realised that there was no going back. I was still heartbroken, but wanted to take some power back.

A few months in I felt a glimmer of peace which has grown and grown into a glorious and unexpected feeling of freedom and joy. I am loving getting to know myself outside of being in a relationship. My friendships have blossomed, my confidence in my own abilities has improved, and a content fulfilled life feels so much more in my grasp.

The divorce process itself is brutal in my case plus expensive. But there's not one part of me that regrets it and I can't wait for it to be over.

I don’t regret it, but mine was clear cut. Abusive marriage to a seriously dark and manipulative man. I kind of regret everything that led up to that, a life of trauma playing out to lead me to him.

It costs a fortune if you are divorcing someone uncooperative, and if you were treated badly there is a lot to repair. I’m a lone mum now which is also hard. On good days it is great, and most of all I am glad I’m living in my own actual life (whatever that is), and not as a fake clapping machine to someone else’s.

On the other hand, everyone I know who got divorced to look for greener grass or in the storms of peri regrets it.

For example, I have a new partner, whose wife left him because of no particular reason. She’s certainly worked her way round OLD and sewn a lot of oats, but looks like she deeply regrets it now. In fact she’s become a real pain, as the regret means she doesn't properly move on.

I’m separated for two years and waiting for him to sort the divorce! (He won’t unless his girlfriend doesn’t for him 😁)

I did the unpopular thing of waiting until the DC were adults even though it disadvantaged me. It was fine living together but knowing I could escape one day. Zero regrets. Am late 50s and a lot broker than I should be having been the higher earner in our marriage. That’s the only downside.

DC all still live with me despite it being a squeeze. None of them want to live with him despite him having more space, more money.

I love being at peace. Having security of making my own decisions.

I see DH’s girlfriend running around after him and am genuinely baffled why she thinks he’s worth it! I don’t want another one.

Christ, no. I regretted marrying him!

Just seen @earlysnacktime's remark "I kind of regret everything that led up to that, a life of trauma playing out to lead me to him." - Very much so for me, too. The only good thing about that divorce was that I started therapy, as XH kept telling me there was something wrong in my head. What with all his gaslighting, I figured he might be right. He was, but not in the way he meant it!

Thank you for this thread, going through a ‘will we stay together’ thing. He’s the love of my life but we had issues and he said he’s grieved our relationship and isn’t sure if he loves me anymore. He never holds my hand, puts his arm around me, randomly texts or phones, go out of his way to reassure me, smile at me etc etc etc and we’re more like two single people in the house. I’ve cried for a long time but am pulling myself back. We have 4 kids and if this continues it can’t continue as a family shouldn’t be like this and the kids deserve happy parents not awkward zombies

We separated for 5 weeks. The only thing that got me back is my husband read the chapter Why Women Leave and took it on board (From Why Women Talk and Men Walk). I probably took some advice from the chapter How to Annoy a Man Without Trying (same book). I would say it took about 18 months for the dust to settle after my decision to separate and reconcile 5 weeks later. As others said don't do in in the middle of peri (or just after the builders left)

I regret not doing it much sooner. If I'd had more belief in myself, I'd have done it when I knew I should have as opposed to staying because I thought I should and couldn't cope without the marriage. As it is, I've been soooooo much happier without him!!

I regret not doing it five years earlier than I did. My life is so much easier in many ways.

The posts about enjoying child free time are so sad.

Why??

No never.
It was really hard at the time as my ex moved straight on to another woman and I felt both of them ganging up on me, I also had rebound relationship that was really abusive which thankfully I got out of.

Now though life is so good, I have a 4 bedroom house with a small mortgage (much bigger house than with my ex), a good job, my kids are happy (as happy as teengers get!), I have friends, I do regular exercise, I have a boyfriend who I can see more flexibly as I don't need to be at home with the kids all the time.
That said though parenting two small children by myself was challenging.

No. I regret marrying him though. The relief once he was out of my life - we'd no children - was immense. We've had no contact since. Life is to short to make yourself live with a bad situation or a bad decision if it can't be fixed without divorcing. You owe it to yourself to make things better.

No, I regret marrying him though.

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