If you’re divorced, do you regret it?

[Magicmouses]

Facing a possible divorce right now and wondering how many women regret it, down the line? If you could go back, would you stay married?

Omg @Anniegetyourgun what a brilliant description, thank you 🙏🏼

It was the best thing I did. It's hard, you feel alive! This from Deborah Levy's The Cost of Living

Love this thank you @spartanrunnergirl

Divorced and happier than ever before. I choose to live alone. Its without chaos. I don't need to compromise anymore. This is heaven on earth.

Inspiring to read so many posts from women happier after divorce. I think of my parents; Oliver and Barbara from War of the Roses without the violence. Yet they stayed unhappily married as that's what married couples did in their generation. I'm still dealing with the after-effects of growing up in the toxic environment their dead marriage created :(

I'm another where there was alcohol involved and technically I am not divorced because he died 12 days before the decree nisi. But no, no regrets at all. And I love being single. My DC are young adults now, I have a job, a nice house, cats and hobbies. It was very hard at first but my life is so much better.

I have some regrets.

He became, as the years went by, a relatively good husband, but was not a good dad. He still inadvertently reveals his dislike for one of our children.

I left because I could see he was damaging the children and I couldn’t respect myself if I stayed with him, knowing that. I acknowledge that I should have left much earlier and suspect doing so might have actually been easier.

Life since has been financially tough; I’d say that is partly because I should have left earlier. I’m going to have to work till I’m 67 and I’m physically already drained.

I miss having the company of having a partner. I guess I could try to find a new relationship, but I don’t feel ready and I’m not sure I ever will. I can also never recreate having a family with someone. When things go wrong, there is nobody there to help.

My final push to leave involved him doing something reprehensible and careless that I hadn’t expected as it had been years since he’d behaved that way. I look back at that marriage-ending moment and wish it had never happened. It was a moment of stupidty for him, the last straw for me.

What I will say is that I’m now four years separated and in a very unstable situation, which will probably improve in time. I hope the regrets will fade as I rebuild a better solo life. Going back isn’t on the cards.

I've never met a completely happy divorcee.

I've never met a completely happy person.

How are you deciding this?

The only thing that made me unhappy about my divorce was the number of years I wasted before doing it.

Not for one second. Never missed him either

I've been married three times and finally realised marriage is not for me. You try and choose well but every time you end up not with an equal partnership even if you make more money than them.
You end up as a second class citizen who must always put their needs before yours.
No thanks, I'll never marry again.
I have my own home, my own career, my own friends and my adult DS. I can do what I want when I want and I can always put myself first.
I miss absolutely nothing about men.

You've never met me then.

Oh my! You sound amazing and what you are saying just hits home! Thank you!

But you could have stayed and still be alone at 70 because your other half has passed away?

I often hear this argument about being alone in old age as a reason not to divorce or as a regret of divorce but there are no guarantees in life and some very happily married people may find they are also alone in their 70s/80s.

😂😂😂😂 you must be joking?

What are you scared about, op?

I only regret not doing it sooner

I don't regret the divorce, but I did and still do (occasionally) grieve for what I thought that I had.

We struggled for a few years then completely tanked for 3. The loss of my family life was terrible for a year, made worse by a refusal to split our assets. I moved into my own house 3.5 years on and I still walk around it and feel relief. I met someone else after. I was thinking to myself the other day how glad I was that I got out and wouldn’t have to regret staying.

If my ex wife & I hadnt divorced one of us would be in prison by now for murdering the other and it would not be me in prison.

Given that she wrecked her divorce settlement, was seen assaulting her subsequent partner in the street and subsequent relationships have been noted for brevity I think I was daft to have stayed as long as I did

I got divorced nearly 20 years ago and am relieved and rejoicing every day, even after all this time!

Absolutely no regrets. We were both miserable in the marriage and both much happier after the divorce. I didn’t mind having time away from the children - it was lovely to have a short break without them on a regular basis!

Nope. Best thing ever. Much happier. The divorce itself was traumatic and costly thanks to abusive ex continuing to play his games. It was however money well spent. I am back to the me of my youth and feel fantastic. No more anxiety, depression or medication. No more abuse, manipulation, or walking on eggshells.

I can recommend that you get help once it's done and talk it all through. I had help from Women's Aid and I hadn't realised the extent of his abuse whilst I was going through it. It's really helpful to put everything in perspective, understand it and move forward.