Divorced after 30 years around 2.5 years ago. Not my choice but necessary for unreasonable behaviour
it’s not always easy. There are things I miss. - no one tells you that you’ll see less of your children even if they’re independent, left home and late 20s. They only have so many free weekends and now split that time between ex and I 🙄🥺.
there’s the whole the money part- I am, fortunate that we had enough to live reasonably comfortable lives (we were both retired) , but I feel constantly insecure not to have the a large cushion of joint life savings I worked so hard for, and have to be careful - a bit hard to take when he didn’t work for last 15 years of our marriage and I was sole breadwinner- but that’s price you pay
. I also struggle with random things like dealing with male trades who can be bloody nasty frankly to “older” women , and dealing with making key decisions where there’s no one to validate your thinking. My ex was a good sounding board when not behaving irrationally.
I also still think my ex was the love of my life. He and I had so much in common and thought about the important things in life the same way. So, yes I miss that companionship. But, we could simply no longer live together for reasons not entirely either of our faults. So it is sad. But it was still the right thing to do, frankly the only thing without it becoming a safeguarding issue.
but you balance that with the positives:
I’m not lonely. In fact I’m not lonely anymore I should say. I’ve worked hard at that as it didn’t come easy, but I do now have a great social life and support network. marriage can isolate you more than anything else.
I enjoy not having to second guess someone else’s opinions, views, needs and wants. Especially as they were unpredictable, difficult and unpleasant at times. I’m not walking on egg shells anymore.
I can now wake up in the morning knowing I’ll end the day roughly in same moods as I started and that mood is down to just my interactions with the outside world , or maybe the odd hormone swing still. Im not being dragged down by someone else’s moods, by someone else projecting their emotions onto me, or holding me responsible to fix everything that’s making them unhappy, angry or even just bored.
I can choose precisely what I want to do and when - ok, that’s helped by fact I’m retired!🤷🏼♀️
im more at peace I’d say, rather than happier. But then I’ve never been one to think happiness is a transient emotion and chasing happiness is an utter waste of time- we have moments of joy, happiness and excitement but can’t expect to feel those things constantly.
so no regrets. It was sad, yes, but the right decision for both of us.