If you were born in the 90's was it normal for your parents to hit you?

[Avelora]

Or if you were a parent to young children then was it acceptable?

I was born in the mid 90's, and after recently going no contact with my parents I'm trying to unpick some of the things that happened and why I feel the way I do. Both parents, but particularly my dad used to smack us both a lot, and I don't just mean a tap on the hand or clip round the ear kind of thing. Punches on the arms or thighs, pinching us, slaps round the face, smacking us with a shoehorn, banging our heads together if we argued. It happened a lot more to me than it did to my brother

My mum was a lot more emotionally abusive rather than physically. If we ever did anything wrong or if she fell out with my dad she would give the silent treatment and not speak to us for days. She once didn't speak to me for 2 weeks

Obviously I know things were different 20-30 years ago, but I'm just trying to deal with it all as obviously all these feelings have come to the surface recently

@RedRobyn2021 that’s really shocking she hit you like that while you were driving (or under any circumstances). I’m so sorry.

But it was the shouting, the length of time she would spend shouting and telling me off, for a really long time ripping me to shreds, then she would leave me on my own in my room to cry alone

This messed me up too. My dad was always shouting. Multiple times a day he’d fly into a rage. All I had to do was ask him a question and it would set him off. When I was about 10 I remember we were sitting at the garden table to eat outside, and I accidentally knocked a glass of juice over. My dad went mad. He stood up and flipped the whole table over, which had our food on it. I ran away crying. It was the constant tension and eggshells, not knowing when the next outburst was going to happen that really broke me. I don’t know why he was like that. I turned into an adult who felt worthless and put up with all sorts of shit. Thankfully less so now, I no longer tolerate people shouting and being angry around me.

Me and my two siblings born from 87-91, smacked with a slipper/ruler or a hand for very minor things, regularly shouted at too. Sorry OP sending love

Born in the 70s, hardly ever smacked unless we had done something seriously wrong (undoing your seat belt in the car whilst on the motorway). I only ever recall being smacked maybe 3 times.

I would say it was on its way out but certainly not so rare as to be unusual.

I was smacked in the 90s. Naice MC family with a naice thick belt hanging over our bannister and used as a threat if we overstepped. Have never laid a finger on my own kids but I do think I have low patience due to poor role modelling.

No that's not normal, banging heads!! Sounds awful.

I was born in the 80s. My parents slapped me on rare occasions, I think three times for serious stuff. Most friends were slapped only occasionally and never with objects. What we'd now call emotional abuse like name calling, threats, belittling, guit trips etc was normal.

I was born in the 70's and that's not normal. My mum was born end of 40's and that was not normal Although they were threatened with the belt a lot by their dad. He was a man of his times but he never did all that. Her mum, my darling nan was lovely and never did any of that. That's abuse. I was smacked, very rarely to be honest, but that was normal discipline of those time. I'm so sorry you went through that.

Except that as far as I've read and seen it doesn't work. They end up being the kids who hit others, hide stuff from their parents or join gangs because they think violence is normal and everyone wonders why.

For context I was mostly well behaved. I remember on the odd occasion I was hit it didn't improve my behaviour it made me nervous and convinced I needed to be sneaky and lost a bit of respect for my parents. If they'd done it often I would probably have just been really sneaky fearful and not better behaved. If I hit my kid how could I say don't hit people you disagree with.

I was born in the 1960s and I was never smacked or hit.

My DS is a 1990s child and I never smacked or hit.

I think violence is when someone is out of control, is terrifying for a child and just shows children that lashing out is the answer.

I agree. I was a “good girl” so I used only to get clipped for cheek (aka standing up for myself and objecting to what I thought was wrong/illogical).

All it did was make me angry and furious about injustice. I have only ever hit anyone else once - I smacked someone else’s bully across the hand with a ruler when I was about 13. She more than “deserved it” but I had no right to dole it out.

I was a child in 90s. Wasn't really common but yes we got smacked sometimes if we'd been particularly bad or rude. Most my friends families were similar. I'd say I got smacked about 5times in total maybe? But was told I was 'heading for a smack' if I continued whatever behaviour I was doing quite often (whilst kind of knowing I wouldn't be smacked unless it was the last resort!)

Should add - I mean a smacked bum. And was never that hard from memory. certainly not bothered about it now I'm an adult so suspect it wasn't hard or too scary!

Born mid 80s, smacks that hurt completely normal until about age 16.

Smack on back of the legs or on hand if ignored warnings. What u have described was not normal in my opinion. It was a abusive. Continue investing in your well being by cutting them out.

the slapping in the face is such a weird thing to do...I never had a slightest urge to slap someone. I don't believe it's instinctive

my mother on the other hand loved to slap me if she felt disrespected - and she feels disrespected by everyone and everything so that was a common occurrence with her

My siblings and I were born mid 80s to 90s in an rough housing estate. I was completely normal in our family and for others in the area No one would have flinched if they saw someone being smacked by a parent. I can remember hiding with my friend because her mam was looking for her to give her a smack over something or other.

I still live in the same place and you'd never see it now though. My siblings and I are all exceptionally close to our parents even though we'd be hit quite often. My parents would be absolutely horrified if I ever laid a hand on my kids.

Times change

It was if I said something my mother didn't like so she was slapping what had upset her. I think the last time was when I was 20.

@AvengedQuince I am always left wondering if the behaviour stopped because the parent in question realised the error of their ways or because their child got to the point of being old / strong enough to retaliate .

hitting a literal child has very little immediate consequence for the parent because what is the 10 yo going to do? or even a teenager?

now even a slap to an adult carried a risk of getting slapped back...

@PaintedEgg I moved out after that incident so if I visited and things escalated I could just leave.

It's never occurred to me to hit back

Im trying to imagine what goes on in the head of a person who does the hitting

im just curious if they think that this could happen and that's why they control themselves more

Not at all. I had my first baby mid 90's and it was unacceptable. I do remember sitting in a Fenwicks cafe and seeing a dad slap his young daughter who was about 9 across the face. I felt so shocked. My parents were a very different generation but would never have done that to me or my siblings.

My oldest dc were born between 87 and 95, I have never hit any of them. With the eldest I was seen as a bit wet and plenty of my friends smacked their children. With the two born in the 90's I knew very few people who were still smacking children and most thought it unacceptable.

I was born mid-80’s I was hit with anything to hand! A hard slipper to the back of the legs was the go-to but I remember the wooden spoon was a regular weapon, sometimes a rolled up newspaper. My sister was born in the 90’s, they never laid a hand on her while I was often left looking at a perfect copy of a bright red hand print on my arse cheek.

I was a high energy rebellious child, my sister was quiet. That’s the only difference but enough, clearly! My youngest child is just like I was, I don’t hit him, I hug him. That’s all I ever wanted. I fucking hated them all my childhood and young adulthood, moved out at 17. I love them and see them regularly but they properly fucked me up.

You had similar upbringing to me op, thanks for posting, I actually feel a bit less alone as I've always kept it a dirty secret.