If you were born in the 90's was it normal for your parents to hit you?

[Avelora]

Or if you were a parent to young children then was it acceptable?

I was born in the mid 90's, and after recently going no contact with my parents I'm trying to unpick some of the things that happened and why I feel the way I do. Both parents, but particularly my dad used to smack us both a lot, and I don't just mean a tap on the hand or clip round the ear kind of thing. Punches on the arms or thighs, pinching us, slaps round the face, smacking us with a shoehorn, banging our heads together if we argued. It happened a lot more to me than it did to my brother

My mum was a lot more emotionally abusive rather than physically. If we ever did anything wrong or if she fell out with my dad she would give the silent treatment and not speak to us for days. She once didn't speak to me for 2 weeks

Obviously I know things were different 20-30 years ago, but I'm just trying to deal with it all as obviously all these feelings have come to the surface recently

I was born in the 80s and was smacked. However, those smacks were controlled, oepn handed on the back of my leg, only happened once (ie one smack per offence) and not accompanied by all the emotional crap your parent piled on you, such as silent treatment.

Even then, smacking me was not right and my parents would not do it if raising a child now.

What you describe is not a punishment born of misguided love, it sounds like the actions of two adults who preferred to take their own unhappiness and shitty attitudes out on children who could not argue or hit them back. Sorry, OP

I was born in 1989 and only ever remember the occasional smack on the bottom. It definitely wasn't a regular occurrence though.
What you experienced doesn't sound 'normal' at all and, as others have said, sounds like abuse by today's standards (even by standards in the 90s I think!)

my mother used to justify her behaviour by saying "you'll see when you'll have your own children"

Well, I can now confirm that her excuse was bullshit. I have not came across any misbehaviour that would justify hitting a child.

Yes, hit , punched , kicked.
There were 7 of us altogether and we had to line up in order of age and watch the others be smacked. Usually with some kind of object right across your back/bottom.
I was the youngest so I went least and got to watch all my siblings get hit first.
Absolute mental torture.
However my "dad" was an abusive arse he was abusive in many ways! Especially to the girls.
I was born late 80s and I used to go to school and tell them. All they ever did was "call" my parents in to offer support.
Which obviously would make him very mad.
Never understand how any human could treat their children or anyone for that matter the way he did.

Hopefully though I am a rare case!

Sounds similar to my childhood. Used to get my mouth 'washed out' with soap if I answered back too. Interestingly, my youngest sibling who was born early 2000's was never smacked.

Not sure if this was normal as I never spoke about it to friends.

No it’s not normal.

I was born in late 80s in Asia, only been smacked once

I was born late 80s so grew up in the 90s. I was smacked/ hit my both parents and often with items such as a cane, belt, shoes/ slippers, spoons, chopping board, rolling pin etc. There were also other physical punishments like having mouth washed out with soap or washing up liquid. I thought it was normal at the time but having spoken to friends of the same age since have realised that it really wasn’t, very few of my peers had any physical punishment and for the few that did it was usually just a light smack with a hand. I don’t think your parents behaviour sounds normal either.

Born 88. I can't remember ever being smacked so unless it happened in the toddler years then no we weren't. I asked my Mum about this and she confirmed beyond the usual "pull toddler sharply away from busy road" type of physicality we weren't. I don't agree with children being smacked as punishment. Its not acceptable to do it to adults or animals so it certainly isn't acceptable to do it to young children who are vulnerable and developing in every way.
I'm sorry for your experience op.

I was born in 1993

I remember my mum grabbing me by my arm a few times and the odd snack.

I don't resent her for it but I won't do it to my kids

Born 1960. Our mum used to pull a branch off the lilac tree and slash us across the legs with it. It left long purple wheel marks and bloody hurt!

I never considered it abuse as it was fairly normal and some endured far worse. I never did anything remotely like that with my kids though.

I was born in the 70s ,and I come from an Asian culture where kids are routinely smacked even now. I was never smacked though, and I haven't smacked my kids. My mum may have given me the occasional tap on the arm. My parents were pretty decent all considered.

Eldest born in the late 90s, and it wasn't the norm.

I was born in the 60s and remember there being a slipper at school which was used on the naughty children. At home I only have one memory of being slapped on my legs and it being a huge shock as it wasn't the norm in my family.

What you describe shouldn't have been normal ever, but sadly aware it did and probably does still happen.

Both me and my husband were born in the 1950's and our kids were born in the 70's.
Our parents never hit us, though there was corporal punishment(cane and tawse)

at our school, and neither of us hit our kids.
So tempting sometimes but if I'd have smacked whilst angry, I'd never have stopped and if I'd have waited then that seems so much worse as it's premeditated and just wrong.

It's useful to consider how you react to prolonged stress, lack of sleep and frustration - otherwise you can find yourself at a point where the idea crosses your mind because it was all you've ever know in those circumstances. It's a bit of a mindfuck, to suddenly have it pop into your head when your child just won't stop crying, whining or keeps waking you up or hurts you.

Do you have a plan for being beyond tired and frustrated? Mine was pop them in the cot and step into the next room, put them in the buggy and walk for as long as it took to calm down and these days, I'd suggest having noise cancelling earbuds to dull the intensity of a toddler's screech.

Born 20 years earlier than that, and not normal then either.
Though I still hear people in shops threatening to smack their children if they misbehave. I always hate hearing that. I think if people threaten that in public what on earth do they do behind closed doors.

I was born in 1991. I only ever remember being smacked on the bottom very rarely, only if we had done something really bad. But never hurt any other way.

I feel for today's parents who have been hit a lot when young.
Children are very demanding and parenting is tiring.

I advise young parents to take up any parenting classes at kinder etc. You need to be armed with ideas and strategies that don't include slapping in anger. (unless child is about to be electrocuted etc.)

Try to model the behaviour that you want your child to adopt however that is difficult if you have never had that modelled to you or when the child is being a sreaming little brat.

It is very challenging to discipline an unruly child in a way that leaves both of you with your self respect. Take advantage of any local courses.
No smacking is better all round.

I was smacked twice in my life and I can remember both times. The second I remember antagonising my Mum and I can definitely see why she did it (I was a teen). she apologised profusely but she didn’t need to - I should have apologised for goading her to that point.

My DH was hit regularly. His Mum had quite a few kids and his Dad was busy working most the time so I think she hit them when she lost her grip of them.

Neither of us hit our children.

The odd smack in the 80s and 90s was normal for extremely challenging behaviour.
The silent treatment is never normal, and deeply abusive.
I'm sorry you suffered so much as a child.

Avelora

re this part of your comment

"but now we're at the point of thinking about having our own and I just can't even comprehend treating a child that way"

You may want to speak to a therapist or counsellor about the abuse you suffered as a child if you have not done so already. Becoming a parent yourself could in all likelihood raise up all sorts of troubling memories re your own childhood so this is worth addressing sooner rather than later.

I'm about 10 years older than you OP, and that definitely wouldn't have been normal in the 80s, let alone the 90s. I remember having my bum smacked a few times when I was little, but that was it. I think the idea of punching your child would have been horrific to most people back then.

In my experience it was normal

I was born in the 70s and punches, pinches, slaps, smacking with implements etc wasn't normal then either.

This is child abuse in any decade

I was hit if I was naughty (asd as a child is fun when your parents hit you for it…. Not.) I still instinctively flinch/duck/tense up when someone swings their hand close to me. ExP used to say it made him feel like shit, like I thought he was going to hit me, but it’s not something I was doing purposefully. It’s a reflex learned from years of parents that believed it was ok to harm a child.

Certainly was common growing up in the 60s and 70s - 90s? Not sure