If you were born in the 90's was it normal for your parents to hit you?

[Avelora]

Or if you were a parent to young children then was it acceptable?

I was born in the mid 90's, and after recently going no contact with my parents I'm trying to unpick some of the things that happened and why I feel the way I do. Both parents, but particularly my dad used to smack us both a lot, and I don't just mean a tap on the hand or clip round the ear kind of thing. Punches on the arms or thighs, pinching us, slaps round the face, smacking us with a shoehorn, banging our heads together if we argued. It happened a lot more to me than it did to my brother

My mum was a lot more emotionally abusive rather than physically. If we ever did anything wrong or if she fell out with my dad she would give the silent treatment and not speak to us for days. She once didn't speak to me for 2 weeks

Obviously I know things were different 20-30 years ago, but I'm just trying to deal with it all as obviously all these feelings have come to the surface recently

I was born mid 90s and remember being smacked on the back of the legs or bum infrequently, when I was really playing up, usually as I darted around running rings around my parents.

I will never smack my kids, I don't think I have it in me to hit anyone least of all my children, but I can honestly say I have had no ill effects nor is my relationship with my parents any different for being smacked. I wouldn't say it was 'normal' but 100% seen as more acceptable then than now.

Actually I found out fairly recently that my mum hit one of my DDs in Hyde Park when she was about 2. People came up to her and berated her. She told me years later. If I’d known at the time I would’ve gone no contact.

My mum has no remorse for that or the regular beatings that were handed out to me and my sister (we were born in 1960s).

What happened to you was physical abuse.

Not normal no.
Your childhood sounds horrific I am sorry

I was born in 87, and so a child in the 90s. My mum did smack us, with an open hand or a hairbrush sometimes. But nothing like what your parents did to you. I'm sorry OP, you shouldn't have gone through that.

Well yes smacking and hitting is the same, what I meant that parents did smack/hit their children on the bum it wasn't rare to see. I later said I did it a couple of times but stopped it was a half hearted hit on the bottom because that was seen as effective parenting.

I think smacking was common then, but not in the way you describe; I was born in 1994 and I was smacked, as were most (if not all) of my friends... I remember the topic coming up one time in school and pretty much everyone in my class said that they'd been smacked by their parents before. Sometimes I'd be over at a friend's house and I'd hear their mum threatening to smack a younger sibling, or would see it happen, so it seemed normal to me. Although now as an adult I totally disagree with smacking, and it's against the law now anyway (in Ireland).
HOWEVER when I say smacking, I only ever saw/experienced a slap on the arm, leg, bum etc, definitely not with an implement, not on the face, and not punches or pinches. I remember one girl in primary telling us her mum hit her with a wooden spoon and we were all shocked and kind of scared of the mum after that! So I would say what you experienced was not normal for the times at all and seems very abusive. Hope you're OK now x

I was born in the early 90s and was smacked, or we had our heads literally banged together. Don't know if it was normal, but it was normal (although not massively frequent) in our house.

I'd never smack my own children.

Yep- smacked and hit regularly right until I was a teen for things such as ‘cheekiness’ and ‘backchat’. At about 14, my mum fractured my eye socket and it bruised. She was ashamed and never did it again. This would have been 2009ish? School did nothing as I said I was fine and I was being cheeky. That really shocks me now I’m a teacher.

Unfortunately my parents were the result of DV households and the cycle just wasn’t broken yet. I don’t really hold any ill will towards them, I see them as emotionally stunted, unconfident as parents, suffering from trauma themselves

thankfully I have broken the cycle

my DPs know they are never, ever to even give my DC a wrap round the knuckles or they would never see them again

i think they feel a lot of shame now

I was smacked, only by my mum, never very hard but enough that I certainly tried to avoid it. Seemed like most of my friends were smacked sometimes too. But - your experience sounds much worse than what was considered normal in the 90s. I'm sorry you had to go through that 😔 Pinching, hitting and anything done out of anger rather than from a purely discipline point of view was definitely not okay, even then.

Born in 1992. Smacked a couple of times on the leg by my mum when I was really naughty and pushing her buttons. I don't judge her at all for that and imagine it was fairly commonplace.

My dad on the other hand slapped me across the face, pulled me up by my hair etc. That was abuse and absolutely not normal or accepted for its time imo.

Born in the mid 90s like you and so was DH and we both have siblings born in the late 90s. We were all smacked by both parents but mainly our mothers (DH and his sibling with a wooden spoon), although not to the extent that you describe. Equally, there was the constant threat in my house of a smacked bottom. I have my own DC now who’s only a baby and my DM constantly says things about smacking her bottom which really angers me. I hate threats of violence towards children, it’s disgusting and especially towards a defenceless baby.
Interestingly, both DH and I have siblings born in the early 00s who were never hit/smacked. I think it became more socially unacceptable by that time so our parents stopped.

I was born in the late 80s and both my brother and me were smacked a lot. And not just once, but a session of repeated smacks. My friends weren’t smacked. It took me a long time to think of it as abuse. What you describe is certainly abuse and I’m so sorry you had to go through that.

Your parents were abusive OP. The kind of physical and emotional abuse you describe was never acceptable or normal.

Yes I was smacked and most of my friends were too. Slaps on the bottom and wrist mainly. It hasn’t traumatised me in any way. I have never smacked my own children because it’s not the done thing now.

And i agree it was mainly mums that smacked. Dads smacking was seen as more aggressive and a bit more unacceptable

The hardest thing was seeing my brother smacked repeatedly, usually because of something he’d done to me. The worst part was my mum screaming at him to stop, my brother screaming, and me cowering in a corner. It was a total loss of control on my dad’s part. My dad’s dead now and I still love him dearly but we all suffered because of his rages. It’s no excuse but he had a horrible childhood.

I'm so sorry you went through this ♥️

I was born in 1993 and remember by Mum losing it with me once and smacking the back of my leg with her hand, once. 20 minutes later she was crying and apologising, I was never smacked again and my Dad was disgusted and fuming she'd done that. So no, not usual in our household however I did have a horrific few years after my Dad left with depression, my Mum turned to drugs and alcohol and I ended up living with my grandparents (who were the best parents to me, may I add and who bought their children up in the 60s and 70s and also didn't ever agree with smacking).

Born in late 80s and pretty much as you described. Now no contact with 'DF' for many, many years and not very close with DM.

I was born in 1980 and it wasn’t normal then. I was smacked as a child and had a very abusive childhood and it wasn’t until I was an adult that I realise how out of the norm it was.

I was born in the '80s and was smacked and so were my siblings if we were naughty .. my husband was born '70s and was smacked .. my parents were smacked as children as well ..

We have never smacked our children we don't think it is necessary

I was born in the 60's and was never hit by my parents. I was beaten at school though.

I only ever had a smacked bum twice and they both happened within seconds of eachother. The first was because I ran into the road in front of a bus and scared my poor mum to death because she didn't know how it missed me. The second was because in my infinite childhood wisdom and cockiness, I thought I was being absolutely hilarious for telling her the first smack didn't hurt... Then she cried for smacking me in the first place and I felt like the worst person in the world. I was born early 90's, my brother was born mid 90's and was never smacked.

I'm really sorry but you had a highly volatile and abusive childhood. Well done on going NC and please seek therapy and support to unpick the trauma you went through.

@NeverDropYourMooncup that's a good point about reacting in the way we've been taught when under prolonged stress and sleep deprivation. I grew up with shouting and smacking being pretty commonplace and didn't really have any other methods of discipline because I'd never seen them modelled so had to go out and learn them. It helped having the conversation about if this happens then I do this so I could make the decision rationally, and as it happens I did decide that there were situations where a rough response or smack is appropriate because the alternative is much worse.

I'll also add that my parents did their best and explained their reasoning which means I've not actually been affected by the shouting and smacking as a child. Parents are human beings too and I know it didn't come from a bad place. I think that explanation with children of what you're doing and why is really helpful.

1991 here and I was from a single parent family, only child. My mum did hit me, once or twice she did it with a slipper. I wouldn't say she hit me often at all, but she did do it.

I remember one time when I was 17, she was going through the menopause and her emotions were all over the place. She was in the car with me (I was learning to drive and driving the vehicle) and she told me to turn left, I missed the turning and said I couldn't do it, it was too late (I was quite a nervous driver) and she started hitting me repeatedly on the head, on my face whilst I was driving the car. It's one of my worst memories.

My mum never pinched/punched me, usually it was a slap and usually it was on my bum or legs.

But it was the shouting, the length of time she would spend shouting and telling me off, for a really long time ripping me to shreds, then she would leave me on my own in my room to cry alone.

Honestly, the way she spoke to me became my inner voice and now it's the way I speak to myself. I've done a lot of work on myself but some of the things I dislike most about myself can be traced back to the way she treated me. Things won't be the same with my own daughter.