Is it me or is everyone splitting up?

[CrackersCheeseAndWinePlease]

Or at least that's how it seems.
In the last few weeks I've known 6 couples to split up, all long term relationships, all with kids and a mortgage etc.
Some of the couples were people I genuinely thought would be together forever although nobody knows the ins and outs of someone's relationship.

Nearly Everyone who I was at college with has divorced . The only ones that have lasted are the two couples everyone said would never last .

I agree with the comment about people refusing to put up with shit like they had to in the past. Loads of people were desperately unhappy just a generation or 2 back, but it was impossible to split up in practical terms. There was also some kind of moral judgement going on in the past, which is no more thank goodness.

I'm 42 and know a couple of people who divorced a few years ago but now seem to be surrounded by people in marriage counselling who obviously aren't happy together any more. It's really sad

I've noticed this recently, friends and family and colleagues all ending relationships left right and centre. From late 20's to late 30's. Something in the water here I think.

My thinking is that the whole concept of marriage is problematic, but I have no idea what could replace it.

Pre 40 all of our friends were seemingly very happy. Now as we're several years into that decade, there's been a number of separations and some friends who probably should separate but aren't for a variety of reasons. It's an interesting shift.

I think people massively change as they get older, put up with less bullshit etc. I also think the pandemic hasn't helped, people working from home and their partners are just always there. Also menopause, children, illnesses, finances and social media all play a part.

@TomatoSandwiches Venus is retrograde & that always gets the blame for break ups

<runs away from anti woo brigade>

I do agree that part of it is people getting smarter + knowing they don’t have to put up with misery.

Marriage is brilliant when it’s good - but being a human is hard sometimes - and trying to be two humans walking in the same direction in the most high pressure parts of life is pretty wild... My husband and I haven’t weathered any very significant storms by MN standards - but we’ve been in couples therapy monthly for a solid 5 years and have no intention of stopping ever. We’ll cancel holidays and wear old shoes before we quit a monthly check in - in a world of infinite choice + opportunities to stray. We also have access to so much more support / help than we have ever had. We love each other + we know we always have a space + time to tackle issues on the horizon so little things don’t escalate. And it’s hella cheaper + healthier (for us) than divorce.

cannot recommend enough. Get therapy before you have big problems.

I firmly believe that if two people really want a marriage to work, and are prepared to lean in and commit to working on it, then even the most unlikely matches can be very happy.

but no one can do it on their own. And if one person has checked out. I think it’s healthy for everyone to chose separation over one person losing themselves to single-handedly trying to prop up a one sided family.

@AceofPentacles I’m going to shout MARS + SATURN RETURN and run with you… 😆

Approaching 40 here and I can agree. Several couples I know have split up in the past year.
I think divorce has risen. My parents divorced when I was a child and I remember being the only one in my class from a single parent family.
Now in my DC’s class the majority seem to have divorced parents/blended families.

@Hooplahooping I think this is fantastic. And i agree with the monthly counselling.
I wish i had done this sooner, i just didnt realise how big our issues were. I just couldnt take the continued betrayals and disrespect. I was in counselling, he wanted marriage counselling, i refused until he should committment in individual therapy. He never did it, and i didnt want to handhold him through marruage counselling.

Recently split with my ex after 23 years. Would have stayed with him for ever but his habit of trying to get other women into bed and joining swingers sites and always looking for women to schmooze pretty much ended it for us.

Put more effort in to be treated like a mug? Not fucking likely.

I'm 45 and not really noticed it yet for this tranche. Out of the 5 of my close friends though presumably statistically at least a couple of us will split up in the next 10 years or so. I definitely have my money on who it will be!

There were definitely a whole load of people (mainly DH's friends) who divorced in their late 20s pre kids and are now on second marriages.

This thread got me thinking and, weirdly enough, I don’t know a single couple that has split up in recent years. This applies to friends and acquaintances. We’re mostly in our mid-thirties to late forties, but nobody has separated or divorced. All relationships are 10 years plus. Hope that isn’t a sign of things to come. 🥴

When you have more time behind you than in front of you then you start to reassess your life. thats why the 40's is when most people split up. they have done the "stayed together for the kids" bit and decided to leave. Also people do underestimate the peri menopause and menopause and how it messes as much with your mind as it does with your body.

😆 I've never heard it said like this, but it totally makes sense.

I am putting my vote in for ‘it’s your age’ as well, it seems hitting your forties is the danger zone!
Personally I only know one couple (in the married or cohabiting, with or without kids) category who’ve split recently but I’m 30, so my friends are still in the getting married and having babies stages. Give it another ten years, I expect it’ll change again. And to be fair, the one couple that did divorce, only in their late twenties, the husband was a slimy prick who shagged her friend behind the local pub on a night out, so y’know, good for her for chucking him

I don't know anyone out of around 20 close couples, friends and family (ranging from early 30's to late 60'ss) who are separated or divorced.

Of my close group of friends (8 of us) only one of the friends have divorced parents. Whereas my dh friends all have divorced parents who remarried and had more children. I think some of it may be location/ cultural.

Many good, valid reasons for that I think:

• People (men and women) are reassessing their lives after Covid gave everyone a good reality check on how short and fragile life can be (so why spend it with someone you don't love anymore or who treats you poorly...)

• Getting to 40 is usually where you also look back on your life so far and realise you might need to make some real changes before it is too late

• There is more awareness of the fact that women don't need to and shouldn't put up with bad marriages and things like domestic violence, men who cheat or men who contribute nothing to the home/family

• The cost of living crisis has added stress on everyone and people are less tolerant/have less patience

• The realisation that people go through changes in life/grow and that the person you met and married at 20 is no longer the right one when you are 40. More people know and accept that relationships don't have to last forever and that it is not a failure if you start growing apart as you develop as an adult

• Less stigma all around when people get divorced.

Good on these people for making the mature decision to leave a partner who is no longer compatible/does not bring positivity to their lives rather than stay in a miserable marriage and waste their life...

I wouldn’t call it the danger zone, more like the freedom zone. I split from H aged 44 after far too many miserable years but finally in a place where I could make the leap.

I know an awful lot of people going through menopause divorces where Mrs Average has decided at the menopause she has had enough of his shit.

I’m late 40’s.

School friends- large minority divorced or split from LT partner

siblings- me and dh only ones still together out of 4 LT couples.

Uni and post uni friends- v few divorces. Not sure why. Possibly because we tended to get married and have dc quite late so v few at the empty nester stage where maybe you reassess.

Agree with pp. I'm 10 years younger but together 16 years.

I plot my escape daily but stuck due to various factors. I'm sick of propping up another adult, of doing more than my fair share. It would be almost bearable if he doted on me but he doesn't. It's like I have an extra child and I hate this set up. If/when I get out I wouldn't want to be with a man again. They're just not worth the hassle and effort tbh. Mine in particular is a drain on me, he actively makes my life harder than it needs to be.