Why do women have affairs with men with young children

[Thegreenpotter]

As the title says. Why?

Do they have no concept of the toll that having young children can take on a relationship?

How can they feel ok playing a part in breaking up a family?

This is not to suggest the blame lies with the other women, far from. Just more a curiosity as to why and how they can do so from a moral perspective.

A single women does not need to enable the behaviour of abusive men. There are plenty of other options out there.

How could you want to get involved when you know if the cheating comes out it will cause pain to others, including children.

What I’ve learnt from this thread are there are people can be incredibly selfish, entitled and lacking in empathy for others.

But it’s not consensual to the unknown women at home who is having sex with her husband unbeknown her sexual health could be at risk.

If a man is cheating he will more than likely gaslighting his wife. The other women will be fully aware of this. Is that not emotional abuse?

Why are you sure they aren't? It's shit and miserable when lots of good enough to be chosen and have to settle for leftovers. Getting attached to a man you are almost everyday, meanwhile he has a family that he prefers to you😢

@DrSbaitso why are you so keen to completely distance the OW from this scenario? She is willingly interfering with someone else's marriage. Yes, she isn't the one who made the vows. But if she knows of them, and facilitates the affair, then she is a direct cause of the heartbreak it causes if it comes to light. She is morally corrupt. The kind of person to walk past another drowning in a puddle simply because we have no general duty of care to others in this country. He is 100 times worse than that.

I think its abusive from the man, hideous thing to inflict on another person and 10x worse when young children are involved. Any woman joining in is selfish, too.

I think you meant why do men with young children have affairs.

Oh absolutely the man is pond scum.

I just have no respect for the women.

Many years ago my long-term partner embarked on an affair with another woman and this woman knew of me.

It turned out that he’d been peddling to her all these tales of what an awful relationship he was in and making promises he would leave me for her … yet everyday he was telling me he loved me and we were making holiday plans together etc, I’m my eyes our relationship was just as perfect as it had ever been. The impression he’d given her of what our life together was like was VERY far from the truth.

When the OW clocked on that my BF was stringing her along she made the decision to tell me. She phoned me one day (she’d got my number out of his phone) and told me outright that my boyfriend was cheating on me with her and could she meet me.

Admittedly I didn’t believe her and I went to meet her with a view to confronting her about her lies etc but it turned out she was correct. She told me stories of their relationships and showed me endless text conversations between them, including sex-pics and phone call logs of long and frequent phone calls etc.

As I sat there chatting to her I felt really sorry for her as he’d been spinning her lies in the same way he’d been lying to me too. Even though she had known of me I still didn’t feel any anger towards her because it wasn’t her fault that my boyfriend was a cheating, lying twat. Sadly she’d been a victim of his manipulation and I’d just been taken for a fool.

We ended it with him and even though it was about 15 years ago, I still stop and chat to her in the street if we pass each other.

My boyfriend was a knob to both of us and we both got hurt, but that was all his fault and not hers.

@Idontbuyit the ow have made it very clear that as long as they themselves are happy, they don't give a shit about anyone else.

This is because they have no responsibility for anyone else and are happy to associate with and bed what some other poster currently referred to as pond scum.

My ex husband ran off with a woman who demanded he cut off our 2 year old entirely. She was a mother herself, indeed her own child has lost his father in an accident at 6 years old. She didn't give a flying fuck about our son, she just wanted another daddy for hers.

Unsurprisingly, when told to choose, my ex chose her. He no longer has contact. The mental toll on my child is huge. I will never ever come to terms with that. They are both utterly awful people and I hope they have the life they both richly deserve 🤷🏻‍♀️

As I said, I'm happier than I've ever been as I can hang out with a man who has a family I can send him back to - he's not my responsibility. I don't want him full time, I don't want him to leave his family. I don't want a single man precisely because he'd want to take over, get married bleurrgh. I don't want another responsibility. I'm more than 'good enough' (what does that mean though?) for any man but I don't want to be 'chosen', I'm not a meal or a possession, and I don't want to choose either. If he 'prefers' his family over me that's fine, though I don't think it's relevant because I'm not offering him the option to 'prefer' me over his family.

Anyway, the OP asked why women have affairs with a MM so I gave my perspective on a MM with grown up DC. It's interesting that some people here get it but most don't. I don't know why anyone would have an affair with an MM with young children. That's about it really.

I don’t know why some posters are scoffing at the idea of the ow seeing the man when she wants for what she wants.
Why do they assume all women want to be married or with someone 24/7.
Having said that surely single men fit the bill. Or do single men want more? It’s a serious question.

I think I remember your story. If it's the one I'm thinking of, the affair was the least of it. The sustained campaign of abuse and harassment that came after from both of them was almost unbelievable. I don't think anyone would blame you for hating them both. The one small consolation is that they've got each other, so hopefully neither will be unleashed upon the dating world again. Pair of absolute shits

My ex and the OW have been "together" for at least 10 years now. I say "together" - they supposedly got engaged - that came out through the divorce financial court records, but nothing further. They bought a large house "together" - smokescreen for the divorce - you split costs, ownership etc. She has now bought her own property 250 miles away and lives there mostly.

But what was her aim? They did IVF - didn't work. I think she envied his - on the surface - great lifestyle. Nice house, decent location, children - what she didn't realise was how much I contributed. I hope she and he are as miserable as fuck. Whereas me and the DC - we have a laugh - chaotic - but we laugh.

If a single woman has a relationship with a married man, he is the one doing the betraying. Not her.

I know someone has been having a relationship with a MM for 15+ years. I feel really sorry for his wife because she's married to a complete arsehole.

The point about enjoying sex is really irrelevant. What is important is to have deep seated narcissism about your own desires which obliterate any other considerations like children, other partners, wives, husbands etc.

That's the point of it. It means nothing but sex. And my point about women, particularly women who do take partners with wives or girlfriends elsewhere is that a considerable added element exists where you are, albeit temporarily, the hottest thing ever, where potentially a man might actually leave for you.

The fact that this rarely happens is irrelevant; it's the added spice which goes right to why some women do this. They would not want it to happen to them of course, but they definitely enjoy it.

Otherwise they would just pick an unattached man. The complexity is what makes her like it, and that's the narcissism of it. It's why you get "I don't care".

the karma I look for in my own scenario is that the other woman who had an affair with my ex husband and who my ex husband left me and my children for, now that she has a child of her own (who is 4 years old) - that their relationship breaks down and her very own 4 year old child finds himself being looked after by my ex husbands next girlfriend as part of the new childcare relationship and she has absolutely no control or say over who is looking after her own child in those circumstances.

I want her to feel the pain of that utter helplessness,that someone who has broken and trashed your own family ends up spending time with and/or looking after/raising at least some of the time the thing most precious to you - namely the children you gave birth to.

I hope she goes through that and feels utterly helpless and having no say in the arrangement.

As it is, in my circumstance/situation and based on what my own children report to me when they return from their Dad's weekend,the far more likely scenario is that my ex husbands new wife (the other woman/affair partner who broke up my marriage) has already cheated on my ex husband and I think it is highly likely that she will run off with someone new (there is a 12 year age gap between them and she is a young minded 38 year old and he is a old fashioned 50 year old) and probably get pregnant by the new partner as I am fairly sure my ex husband has said he would only have one baby with her not 2.

I will take that heartbreak as karma instead very happily and the only thing I will be sad about /regret is that my own children will have to watch that utter shit show again.

Well said, Boule.

Oh of course he does.

In that case it looks like you’re his partner and he’s cheating on you at the weekends.

@Stoopidi
but you spin it anyway that suits you.

The point about enjoying sex is really irrelevant.

The question was, why do women have affairs with married men with kids?

At the end of the day, that's the reason. It's the reason the men do it and it's the reason the women do it. The enjoyment might be for all number of reasons that I can't be bothered to list here, some perhaps more understandable than others, but that's what it comes down to. Since so many people don't believe a woman can be motivated by enjoying sex, there's a lot of confusion and puzzlement over the issue. The affair brings some benefit to her and if his family isn't enough to stop him, why would anyone expect it to stop her? She can't betray a wife she doesn't have.

People who ask this question (and boy, does it get asked a lot, far more than why married fathers shag around) don't really want an answer. When they get one, they either argue that it's not a good enough reason to justify an affair (of course it's not, what would be? But it's the answer) or, as we see on the thread, insist the OW is lying or delusional and she's miserable with unrequited love really.

I remember an ex boyfriend of mine many years ago was the male affair partner, the woman was married with young children and older than him. She had spun the 'my husband doesn't love me, the marriage is dead' and literally threw herself at him. She didn't care about what it would do to her children. He on the other hand was flattered and a 20 something man.

When he cut it off and got with me(I think he liked the fact he didn't have to hide things or keep me secret) she made our lives hell and tried to get us into trouble at work, in fact her malicious, jealous lies got all my emails read because she had told them we were emailing all day (we weren't). Ironic considering she was the slapper that had an affair. Which I told management was why she was a shit-stirring bitch.

When we split up she back like a bad smell.

Then why not an unattached man. I don’t think it’s a valid excuse to say because a person enjoys sex. There are plenty of people you can have a connection with and go to bed.

And you couldn’t find that with a single man?

when I was younger one thing me and my friends all knew for sure was that if all we wanted was good (rather than decent) sex we could make that happen at the drop
of a hat as plenty of single men would be willing to oblige. The thought of doing that with a married man with kids makes me feel a bit yucky.