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Original poster

Why do women have affairs with men with young children

999 replies

Thegreenpotter · 19/08/2023 22:52

As the title says. Why?

Do they have no concept of the toll that having young children can take on a relationship?

How can they feel ok playing a part in breaking up a family?

This is not to suggest the blame lies with the other women, far from. Just more a curiosity as to why and how they can do so from a moral perspective.

OP posts:
Zone2NorthLondon · 20/08/2023 18:25

Bunny boilers? Not really. Colleague, siblings,friends. They walk amongst us
Demonising women as sexually shameless predators who are a threat to good wives it’s a tired trope that lets men off the hook

Noizettely · 20/08/2023 18:26

Sugar daddies then.

Zone2NorthLondon · 20/08/2023 18:29

Noizettely · 20/08/2023 18:26

Sugar daddies then.

hardly, it’s a relationship not a transaction
two adults having consensual sex because they want to. Not for money just because hey want to and enjoy it

Thereasonidid · 20/08/2023 18:32

What do you find so difficult about 2 consenting adults having sex and enjoying it solely for the pleasure it brings both people @Noizettely ?

ChefMike · 20/08/2023 18:33

Zone2NorthLondon · 20/08/2023 18:25

Bunny boilers? Not really. Colleague, siblings,friends. They walk amongst us
Demonising women as sexually shameless predators who are a threat to good wives it’s a tired trope that lets men off the hook

Why should OW be off the hook?
Just because some women make the choice (rightly or wrongly) to continue their relationship? Still bad.

People can develop PTSD from affairs. That actually happens, like if they actually catch them having sex. That's traumatic. Of course the cheater is the no.1 person responsible but when you choose to be involved in that situation, you also choose to accept some of the blame.

applesandmares · 20/08/2023 18:35

I find it weird that some posters assume there is a finite amount of blame, as though if you also attribute blame to the OW then you are somehow taking away blame from the MM. It's not that at all. MM deserves more blame obviously, but the OW facilitates the affair, and the betrayal. Their actions directly contribute to the breaking up of families etc.

I know of a few affairs and one worked out. They are beautifully happy and if anything, wish they'd done it sooner (they'd known each other for about 10 years before they did it!)

There was a young girl at work who was actively pursuing a managing partner. I would have lunch with her (and others) and she would go on and on about trying to find excuses to go into his office etc it was quite pathetic. It finally came to fruition at a work event and carried on for some time with her even going to his house when his wife was away and she absolutely relished it. I alerted another managing partner as they were having sex at work and tbh I felt that it was an unfair power balance (in addition to the moral foulness of it but that wasn't relevant to work!). It somehow got out after that and obviously she left afterwards as no one respected her anymore. The same couldn't be said for her AP as he was in a position of power over everyone else. She's in a different industry entirely now. I found them both pretty disgusting.

I also knew a man that left his 3 kids and wife for a woman 10 years younger as he was tired of family life. She of course ended up wanting a family of her own and 'tricked' 🙄 him into having two children. He promptly cheated on and left her as she became what he was trying to run from. He has no contact with any of his 5 children now. I have no sympathy for her as you reap what you sow but it's such a shame for the children.

DrSbaitso · 20/08/2023 18:38

Or do you struggle with the concept of women enjoying sex for its own sake?

This is exactly what people struggle with. That's why they are truly puzzled when a woman has an affair with a MM as to why his having a family didn't stop her. They can and do immediately understand that the man enjoyed the sex but they're properly scratching their heads at what the woman could get out of it. And of course, the immorality of it should stop her sex drive completely - she shouldn't even desire him if he's married with kids. But naturally, it doesn't work the other way round even when he's the one with the family.

If the existence of his own family doesn't stop him from getting his end away, why on earth would it stop someone else?

WellPlaced · 20/08/2023 18:39

WantingToEducate · 20/08/2023 16:43

I don’t even know what you mean by this?

Show quote history

I added the word ‘him’ in the following post.

He obviously works away and shacks up with her. Free board, lodgings and sex. Kerching!!!

But she’s using him too, apparently

harerunner · 20/08/2023 18:45

Spywoman · 19/08/2023 22:54

You're asking the wrong question.

The right question is, why do men with young children have affairs.

Why and how can they do that from a moral perspective.

Why is it the wrong question? It's just a different question! Just because men can be bastards doesn't absolve women's guilt. Many women who have affairs with such men are not tricked into doing so!

DrSbaitso · 20/08/2023 18:52

harerunner · 20/08/2023 18:45

Why is it the wrong question? It's just a different question! Just because men can be bastards doesn't absolve women's guilt. Many women who have affairs with such men are not tricked into doing so!

Show quote history

Because it's irrelevant, deflects from the most important point and yet is still asked all the time, while the pertinent point is barely ever grazed.

If you're not married to her, you can't cheat on her.

harerunner · 20/08/2023 18:58

Because it's irrelevant, deflects from the most important point and yet is still asked all the time, while the pertinent point is barely ever grazed.If you're not married to her, you can't cheat on her.

Why are you and some others trying to shiut down even asking the question about why women have affairs with married men with kids?... as though all such women were all hapless and helpless, and hoodwinked into such relationships without any knowledge of the truth?

WantingToEducate · 20/08/2023 19:00

DrSbaitso · 20/08/2023 18:38

Or do you struggle with the concept of women enjoying sex for its own sake?

This is exactly what people struggle with. That's why they are truly puzzled when a woman has an affair with a MM as to why his having a family didn't stop her. They can and do immediately understand that the man enjoyed the sex but they're properly scratching their heads at what the woman could get out of it. And of course, the immorality of it should stop her sex drive completely - she shouldn't even desire him if he's married with kids. But naturally, it doesn't work the other way round even when he's the one with the family.

If the existence of his own family doesn't stop him from getting his end away, why on earth would it stop someone else?

Very well said!!!

applesandmares · 20/08/2023 19:01

@Spywoman what would be the point of asking a forum of women, why men do something? How would they know? They can probably tell you a lot about their own intentions though, as we've seen!

DrSbaitso · 20/08/2023 19:09

harerunner · 20/08/2023 18:58

Because it's irrelevant, deflects from the most important point and yet is still asked all the time, while the pertinent point is barely ever grazed.If you're not married to her, you can't cheat on her.

Why are you and some others trying to shiut down even asking the question about why women have affairs with married men with kids?... as though all such women were all hapless and helpless, and hoodwinked into such relationships without any knowledge of the truth?

Why are you trying to shut down us pointing the blame squarely where it belongs: on the shoulders of the married person? Why are you so insecure in the question that you can't stand having it challenged? Why is it so important to you that women be blamed and interrogated when a man shits on his family?

You can't cheat on a wife if you don't have one.

We are pointing out the irrelevance, deflection and sexism in the question because it's innately misogynistic and enables male infidelity. It makes women responsible for men's actions. It is asked way, way, way more than the correct question, which is how it deflects responsibility from where it belongs.

I haven't said a word about OW all being hapless and hoodwinked. I don't think most of them are. That's you making stuff up because you so badly want to be able to go at women like a juggernaut when husbands are turds, and actually the other question I'd like to ask is why that is.

I see earlier in the thread, a few posters literally unable to believe that an OW could be happy with her setup and truly not be pining for him to ditch his wife for her. They truly don't think it can be possible for her to enjoy seeing him midweek for sex and company and not want to wash his pants or pick up his prescriptions. I don't approve of what she's doing, to be clear, but I don't have any trouble believing that she has sexual desires that he fulfils without her being pathetically in love with him and desperate for him to leave his wife.

Lookingoutside · 20/08/2023 19:14

Because they were babies and I hoped to become their stepmother.

Stoopidi · 20/08/2023 19:16

WellPlaced · 20/08/2023 18:39

I added the word ‘him’ in the following post.

He obviously works away and shacks up with her. Free board, lodgings and sex. Kerching!!!

But she’s using him too, apparently

Show quote history

Free sexual satisfier, gardener, handyman and cook. Like a husband really but no financial ties! Kerching!

DrSbaitso · 20/08/2023 19:19

If these posters truly believe that Stoopidi et al are not actually happy, and in reality cry themselves to sleep every night because their APs don't leave their wives...why are they clearly trying so hard to insult and goad them into feeling terrible? I thought you already believed them to be dying of heartbreak and dissatisfaction?

applesandmares · 20/08/2023 19:24

I think they are happy! They wouldn't do it otherwise. I just think that it's a shame their happiness comes at the expense of someone else's marriage 🤷🏻‍♀️

DrSbaitso · 20/08/2023 19:26

applesandmares · 20/08/2023 19:24

I think they are happy! They wouldn't do it otherwise. I just think that it's a shame their happiness comes at the expense of someone else's marriage 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well, the only people who can shit on a commitment are people who have made one.

Idontbuyit · 20/08/2023 19:28

I have no idea how people can sneak around. Men revolt me that go behind their partners backs. When the wife is at home raising the kids and has no knowledge, she is not given a choice in the matter. To me women that willingly enable this behaviour are no better. Do they think it’s ok that the mother of the children is living a complete lie? That her choices have been take away from her? It is a form of abuse. The time these men are giving to the affair partners is time that has been taken away from a man’s children. Yes I do find it deeply unattractive. And a women is just as selfish to stroke a man’s ego. She is an enabler of abusive behaviour.

The fact a man is having an affair and hasn’t had the balls to be honest to his long term partner. People find that attractive? I don’t care how good looking the guy is, what a character flaw!

It’s all very well these posters taking about a connection and desire but where have they found this time to develop this bond in the first place. At the expense of the time these lousy men aren’t taking responsibility for their children.

RandomForest · 20/08/2023 19:29

My friend is a psychiatrist, she doesn't disclose personal information but she will talk about scenario's.

Many of her clients are middle aged women, of which a much higher percentage are women who have been involved in affairs that have ended, or affairs that ended marriages and the ensuing relationship didn't work.

I don't know if that shows anything.

I think for many women ask them during an affair if they are happy they will agree and defend with reason, ask when it's over regardless of whether there was love there seems to be regret at a later stage.

Sometimes it takes time, maturity and wisdom to understand poor behaviour.

DrSbaitso · 20/08/2023 19:31

To me women that willingly enable this behaviour are no better.

How can a free agent be no better than a person who made a commitment and broke it?

Why is Jane responsible for Brad's promise to you?

Idontbuyit · 20/08/2023 19:36

If you watched a man slap a women repeatedly and do nothing about it you are enabling shit behaviour by ignoring it. By cheating it’s just another form of abuse. The unknown party has no agreement to the situation she is put in.

Cheating is abusive when it comes to light and it usually does. I’ve seen the horrific damage it does to a family.

DrSbaitso · 20/08/2023 19:39

Idontbuyit · 20/08/2023 19:36

If you watched a man slap a women repeatedly and do nothing about it you are enabling shit behaviour by ignoring it. By cheating it’s just another form of abuse. The unknown party has no agreement to the situation she is put in.

Cheating is abusive when it comes to light and it usually does. I’ve seen the horrific damage it does to a family.

Consensual adult sex, however illicit, is not comparable to assault, battery, murder, child abuse and all the other false equivalences people on here always try to make to justify the misogynistic act of holding a woman responsible for a man's commitments.

FiddleLeaf · 20/08/2023 19:40

DrSbaitso · 20/08/2023 19:39

Consensual adult sex, however illicit, is not comparable to assault, battery, murder, child abuse and all the other false equivalences people on here always try to make to justify the misogynistic act of holding a woman responsible for a man's commitments.

Show quote history

Amen