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Original poster

A sex one...

152 replies

bloodydoublestandards · 12/08/2023 09:36

I've been seeing this guy for about 7 months. Long story short, he said a few weeks ago that he's never given oral to a woman and couldn't consider it. It's because he's quite a clean freak, not that he finds me unatttractive. Maybe because he's from a different country so perhaps a cultural thing? As it goes I don't particularly like receiving oral but when the mood takes me to do it I quite enjoy giving it.

Anyway I've been chuckling to myself at the hypocrisy. Not angry about it, it's just comical to me how men are. I've stopped giving him blow jobs since then.

I have plenty of my own stuff going on so I only see him occasionally even tho we're exclusive. Don't particularly want it to go anywhere. He's funny, sweet, sexy and attentive and otherwise the sex is great. He sent me an Insta earlier of a comedian joking about how you don't get blow jobs as you get older. Going to talk to him about that when he comes over later. Any ideas of how to calmly and intelligently explain this? Do your classy best mumsnet...

OP posts:
tineymouseinswimmingpool · 12/08/2023 16:33

Clean freak? how manly

jadey1991 · 12/08/2023 16:33

This post and comments have made me laugh. I had to stop myself before I go into labour early 😅..

Listen, the main thing is if you like giving and receiving, go ahead and do your thing. I've been in my relationship with my hubby for 16 years, and we have 4 children together (pregnant with my 4th). I can't complain about my the meaty stick received...
Our sex life is fantastic, and I can't complain what so ever. As for hpv virus, I mean if you wanna sleep around and not watch what you're doing, then that's on you.

Rathouse · 12/08/2023 16:38

@jadey1991 HPV isn't from sleeping around 🙈 please Google it and gain a better understanding. It's not something routinely tested for at a GUM clinic. I actually cried when I got a positive result! It was through my smear test.....

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 12/08/2023 16:40

I'd have responded "You're the one that took oral sex off the table not me 😂" and left it at that.

If he says he didn't remind him he said he doesn't want to go down on you. Has that changed?

If he replies saying he didn't say no blow jobs then I'd spell out "why would you expect me to go down on you when you wouldn't go down on me?" And watch him flounder.

category12 · 12/08/2023 16:45

I wouldn't want to be with a man who thinks my body is inherently dirty and disgusting. Which is how I would take him saying he's a "clean freak" about not wanting to go down.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 12/08/2023 16:46

EAP · 12/08/2023 16:28

It’s important the message gets across.

You don't need to keep writing the same thing. Lots of things increase the risk of getting cancer and I'm sure most people know that. If people want to suck a cock for a few minutes then they're going to.

Zanatdy · 12/08/2023 16:47

I wouldn’t give him oral again either, I’ve done plenty of girls giving BJ’s and never receiving. Then dated someone who always prioritised giving me oral, every time (foreplay) and now I’d never suck any man’s penis if he isn’t prepared to do the same. I’d just tell this guy as someone else said that he took oral sex off the table - it’s probably never entered his head that woman might like to receive oral.

BalletBob · 12/08/2023 16:52

jadey1991 · 12/08/2023 16:33

This post and comments have made me laugh. I had to stop myself before I go into labour early 😅..

Listen, the main thing is if you like giving and receiving, go ahead and do your thing. I've been in my relationship with my hubby for 16 years, and we have 4 children together (pregnant with my 4th). I can't complain about my the meaty stick received...
Our sex life is fantastic, and I can't complain what so ever. As for hpv virus, I mean if you wanna sleep around and not watch what you're doing, then that's on you.

Do you think HPV is something that only promiscuous women catch? The fact is that you yourself are probably one of the 80%+ of women who contracts it during their lifetime.

Whilst I'm not sure that the PP who keeps going on about cancer is properly assessing the risks, they are certainly correct about one thing - there's some shocking ignorance (and judgement and stigma) amongst the adult population RE sexual health.

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 12/08/2023 16:52

category12 · 12/08/2023 16:45

I wouldn't want to be with a man who thinks my body is inherently dirty and disgusting. Which is how I would take him saying he's a "clean freak" about not wanting to go down.

People are allowed to have preferences during sex. I do not like giving blow jobs without a condom because I don't like the ejaculation in my mouth. I don't think the semen is dirty, but the sensation sets off my gag reflex, don't like the taste and safe to say destroys the mood for me. My DH knows if he wants one condom goes on. I also don't expect him to go down on me.

If my DH wanted to dump me because I say his semen makes me gag then he can but a bit extreme. Same if he left me because I said I would never try anal. He never said he found her body dirty or disgusting, he doesn't want to do it. Which isn't a problem as long as he doesn't expect her to do it when he won't.

Rogue1001MNer · 12/08/2023 16:57

@EAP I'm not clear from your posts.

What is it you're actually trying to say?

Rogue1001MNer · 12/08/2023 16:57

cursedshed · 12/08/2023 15:09

I enjoy it, in a committed relationship. Nothing to do with porn.
(Surprising you're not more open minded, with that sizeable stick you've clearly got shoved up your ass)

Show quote history

Perfect response

BalletBob · 12/08/2023 16:58

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 12/08/2023 16:52

People are allowed to have preferences during sex. I do not like giving blow jobs without a condom because I don't like the ejaculation in my mouth. I don't think the semen is dirty, but the sensation sets off my gag reflex, don't like the taste and safe to say destroys the mood for me. My DH knows if he wants one condom goes on. I also don't expect him to go down on me.

If my DH wanted to dump me because I say his semen makes me gag then he can but a bit extreme. Same if he left me because I said I would never try anal. He never said he found her body dirty or disgusting, he doesn't want to do it. Which isn't a problem as long as he doesn't expect her to do it when he won't.

Show quote history

He won't go down on her because he's a "clean freak". How could that possibly be interpreted any other way than "female genitals are unclean"?

None of your examples are relevant. The problem here is his misogyny, which will inform his entire view of women, not a simple "preference" which we are obviously all entitled to.

category12 · 12/08/2023 16:58

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 12/08/2023 16:52

People are allowed to have preferences during sex. I do not like giving blow jobs without a condom because I don't like the ejaculation in my mouth. I don't think the semen is dirty, but the sensation sets off my gag reflex, don't like the taste and safe to say destroys the mood for me. My DH knows if he wants one condom goes on. I also don't expect him to go down on me.

If my DH wanted to dump me because I say his semen makes me gag then he can but a bit extreme. Same if he left me because I said I would never try anal. He never said he found her body dirty or disgusting, he doesn't want to do it. Which isn't a problem as long as he doesn't expect her to do it when he won't.

Show quote history

Preferences are fine. I have no problem with someone not enjoying particular sex acts and not doing them.

Not doing them because they think vaginas are dirty is misogyny.

category12 · 12/08/2023 16:59

And I don't see how there is another interpretation of I'm a clean freak therefore I don't want to give oral sex.

Rathouse · 12/08/2023 17:03

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 12/08/2023 16:40

I'd have responded "You're the one that took oral sex off the table not me 😂" and left it at that.

If he says he didn't remind him he said he doesn't want to go down on you. Has that changed?

If he replies saying he didn't say no blow jobs then I'd spell out "why would you expect me to go down on you when you wouldn't go down on me?" And watch him flounder.

Good one!

Rathouse · 12/08/2023 17:06

@SaveMeFromMyBoobs your situation isn't remotely comparable to OP can you not see that? You have comprised and you are still giving oral to your DH with a condom. Many people do not want semen in their mouth but they are still willing to do oral. OPs partner does not want to engage in oral for her full stop.

DearHorse · 12/08/2023 17:09

@EAP it would be more helpful to highlight that there is a vaccine for HPV available nowadays that reduces the risk of HPV-related cancers

kinkii · 12/08/2023 17:15

Not doing them because they think vaginas are dirty is misogyny.

That's probably true but someone can also not want genitals in their mouth without inherently disliking women (or men)

StopMindlesslyScrolling · 12/08/2023 17:17

This thread seems to have got a bit derailed OP, but I'd simply respond to the message he sent you with a:

"But in our relationship, you're the one who doesn't like oral sex (you told me you think it's unclean) hence us only having PIV, it's nothing to do with our ages/length of relationship."

He's then going to have to either:
a) accept he's not getting any more BJs, or
B) admit that it's only your genitalia he finds unclean, and that his dick (that he pisses out of) he believes to be pristine 🙄

His hypocrisy gives me the ick, but if you can put up with it, you do you.

PollyThePixie · 12/08/2023 17:18

Captainspaulding · 12/08/2023 13:02

Muslim men will not do it

Really?

🙄

EAP · 12/08/2023 17:19

Good point. Please spread this mantra as going by the responses I’ve had the penny hasn’t dropped for most.

EAP · 12/08/2023 17:21

I can think of better ways to while away the hours but each to their own. You can lead to a horse to water and all that….

category12 · 12/08/2023 17:22

kinkii · 12/08/2023 17:15

Not doing them because they think vaginas are dirty is misogyny.

That's probably true but someone can also not want genitals in their mouth without inherently disliking women (or men)

Yes, and I've already said preferences are fine. But believing vag = unclean is misogynistic whichever way you slice it.

IveShaggedSomeMingers · 12/08/2023 17:28

I went out with someone like that. He wanted me to shave, wouldn't give but would accept oral. He was absolutely crap in the sack but also a bit of a sex pest.
He was not of British origin.

Sandunesandseashells · 12/08/2023 17:38

PollyThePixie · 12/08/2023 17:18

Really?

🙄

Show quote history

No not really - mine loves it. Sweeping generalisations will never be accurate and it’s often culture rather than religion that influences. e.g. my husband is Arab and won’t suck nipples because he believes if a man tasted milk of his wife it will make her his mother (i.e she becomes a non-sexual partner) but that may just be his region, or country, not necessarily all Arabs or all muslims.