A sex one...

[bloodydoublestandards]

I've been seeing this guy for about 7 months. Long story short, he said a few weeks ago that he's never given oral to a woman and couldn't consider it. It's because he's quite a clean freak, not that he finds me unatttractive. Maybe because he's from a different country so perhaps a cultural thing? As it goes I don't particularly like receiving oral but when the mood takes me to do it I quite enjoy giving it.

Anyway I've been chuckling to myself at the hypocrisy. Not angry about it, it's just comical to me how men are. I've stopped giving him blow jobs since then.

I have plenty of my own stuff going on so I only see him occasionally even tho we're exclusive. Don't particularly want it to go anywhere. He's funny, sweet, sexy and attentive and otherwise the sex is great. He sent me an Insta earlier of a comedian joking about how you don't get blow jobs as you get older. Going to talk to him about that when he comes over later. Any ideas of how to calmly and intelligently explain this? Do your classy best mumsnet...

This. If you don't want to do oral, fine. But you shouldn't expect oral back.

I couldn't be with a man that selfish. However, if he didn't want to give oral but didn't expect oral, I could make that compromise.

I enjoy it, in a committed relationship. Nothing to do with porn.
(Surprising you're not more open minded, with that sizeable stick you've clearly got shoved up your ass)

I love sucking on a non salty meat stick.

Bless!
That's quite naively sweet in an incredibly rude way.

Blow jobs have been around long before porn my love. Married nearly 20 years and still enjoy the salty meat stick.

Many things are a cancer risk. It's about making your own risk assessment. Personally not bothered about drinking alcohol or smoking, but giving and receiving oral with my husband - yes please!

Imagine if a guy came in here with the line "my girlfriend doesn't like blowjobs so I'm just going to stop having sex with her"

Imagine the hate he'd get!

He doesn't want to do a sex act which is absolutely fine, not childish or immature, do you like giving blowjobs? If not then don't do them, if you do then no need to stop just because he won't go down on you. That's rather immature.

Does his name start with A, is he from North London, is pushy for anal sex and generally a bit clueless on female anatomy?

Even if not the same guy - do dump him.

I think there's a bit more nuance to it than "dump any man who won't give oral sex" or "if he won't do it, neither will I".

Nobody should ever be under any pressure to perform any sex act that they don't want to. Nobody should be under any pressure to remain in a relationship that they don't want to be in, even if that's because the other person doesn't enjoy the same kind of sex as them. Those last two statements are not mutually exclusive, although there's always someone on threads like this who tries to make out that it's a double standard (and indeed at least one poster on here has already done so).

Sex should never be weaponised in a healthy relationship, which is why "I'll only give oral if my partner does it too" is a silly blanket rule. If one partner likes giving oral sex but the other doesn't, there's no reason for partner A to withhold it purely on that basis. That feels to me very much like attempting to apply pressure and is a way of weaponising sex.

However, the reason for him refusing to give oral sex is the key. If it were just a genuine "I don't like the way it feels/tastes etc" then that's just one of those things. We all have boundaries and things we don't like. The problem here is that his dislike of oral sex seems to stem from the misogynistic idea that women's genitals are unclean and their sexual pleasure is secondary to men's, if he even thinks it matters at all. There is absolutely no way I would entertain any kind of relationship with a man who viewed me, my body and my sexuality this way.

I know lots of people who don’t do oral sex (both male and female).

I only give it because I enjoy doing it.
I’d never do it simply because he did it to me.

If you don’t want to do it, then don’t.

Intercourse is too what's your point?

Why would you think it was the same person lol.

Lots of people don’t give oral sex.
Most of my female friends don’t.

Honestly we are grown adults and I will be Frank it's always the men refusing to engage in oral that expect to have their D**k sucked. I'm sorry but it is highly selfish plenty of men willing to give and take sexually life's too short for this shit!

It would be a deal breaker out of sheer principle.

@StarlightLady please tell us about the “little conversation” you have with prospective lovers! I fervently wish to be this direct (and don’t engage in activities I’m not comfortable with) but have fallen short of a pre-sex conversation of that kind - how is it done?!?!

OP - personally I wouldn’t see this as a tit for tat situation, so if I wasn’t fussed about receiving something in particular but enjoyed giving it, then I would. I also wouldn’t necessarily perceive a cultural bias against certain activities as a deal breaker if they were upfront about it and the implicit misogyny didn’t spill into ANY other area of our lives. The red flag here is that he does still expect you to do it - to the point where he would send you a supposedly humourous video, to underline how he is being treated unfairly/how he is the victims here. That is a HUGE red flag for being manipulative and a dickhead at the very least.

I would just reply or say to him:
”I watched the video and for about a millisecond it made me wonder about why this is such a common trope in male centered comedy… But then I realised that the more experience women have of men, the less easily they are manipulated and pressured by them and the more they expect men to contribute in any given situation.
On which note - I don’t think this is working out. BYE”.

Really weird puritanical angle from PP - it'd be funnier if you said something about avoiding oral to minimise disruption to the vag's PH balance or something.

Doesn’t the flame retardant coating on my sofa increase the risk of cancer too? Lots of dangerous places to sit in the world eh.

A friend ( we are in our 40s ) has never given a bj , she says it's not her thing . She's long term married with kids and I think fair play to her to refuse to do something she does not want to do .
Honestly , I don't enjoy doing them either but believe in give to receive , one favour deserves another and all that.

Do you maybe want to just post that just once rather than spamming someone’s thread?

It’s important the message gets across.