Whose behavior is worse?

[karlaka]

She scratches him in the back during sex. He gives her a slap on the cheek.

In your opinion, is he allowed to do that? Whose behavior is worse? Who is wrong here?

This

How long after the scratching was the slap? If it was immediate as a response to being scratched to get the scratching to stop I would say that’s not as bad as the initial scratching. If it was an hour later and premeditated as a punishment then obviously that’s worse. More context is needed really, but neither action is great and it doesn’t really matter which is ‘worse’ when both are wrong.

If you have any concerns like this, you’ll never be able to trust him.

Just stop seeing him.
Stop tying yourself in knots as to who is worse because just there, it doesn’t matter anymore.
Move in and find someone you can trust.

Oh and don’t inflict pain, even with a scratch, Wo talking about it with them first. You’ll avoid many problems.

But do you think his reaction was OK after what I did? He asked me if I was surprised about his reaction the next time I met him

Yeah… you shouldn’t see each other again. You scratched him without permission, he slapped you without permission. And now your on a forum asking strangers who was worse.

Dont see him again.

But do you think I was just as wrong as he was?

Yes. You are both awful. There's no sliding scale of more-or-less bad when it comes to non-consensual contact.

calling someone awful when knowing so little about a person is just not very mature

I’ve already answered to that one.

Neither are ok Wo consent as it’s about inflicting pain.
But i suspect by acting like this you gave him the go ahead to try rougher stuff, hence the ‘were you surprised?’
I mean if you are being rough with him, you should be ok with him being rough with you right?

Fucking brilliant… @karlaka having the lack of self awareness to call someone else not very mature has made my day 🤣🤣

I'm not saying what I did was OK. I'm saying I think what he did was worse..

Only by your standards, which since you have to ask this question in the first place (along with your other ones), are unimportant.

Is he apologetic or thinks it was reasonable reaction?

I did not ask him. We continued having sex. The next time we saw each other he asked me if I thought his reaction was weird (him slapping me)

Both just as bad, sounds like he was making a point.
You scratched him which hurt him, so he slapped you to give you pain back.

There is zero need to scratch someone during sex, no matter how "passionate" and I would never accept being slapped by anyone.

@karlaka I mean this nicely - do you have issues with understanding different perspectives, boundaries and flexibility of thinking?

So you hurt him deliberately, and he reacted by slapping you - and you think he is the only one in the wrong here, @karlaka?

I agree with the previous posters who have said that, while his reaction was clearly worse, both of you behaved unacceptably. He should not have slapped you - but he clearly was not expecting you to hurt him, and reacted badly. If you had discussed this first, he could have said he’d prefer not to be scratched, or he would have been forewarned and wouldn’t have overreacted.

The bottom line is that if you are going to deliberately hurt someone during sex, you MUST get consent first.

Yes. To put it simply for you.

Just because I have a different opinion?

What a complete cess pit of a post this is.

your explanation is horrid as it’s taken me until the very end to decipher what’s happened.

But if you scratched him without him knowing and then he slapped you I think you’re both very wrong but you initiated the physical harm here.

No, because you don’t seem to understand the boundaries of sexual relationships and despite asking for opinions, you’re repeating the same phrase in a fixed way in spite of a pretty unanimous response

I think I just lost the will to live....

FGS yes a slap would typically be regarded as worse. But he clearly didn’t like being scratched so you need to take some responsibility for being overly aggressive too. “Passion” is just a way you can describe aggressive sexuality.

You’re hung up on the wrong thing, who was “worse”. You don’t know why he reacted so badly to being scratched and he might have quite valid reasons for a strong reaction. Someone slapping me would be a deal-breaker under all circumstances but it’s possible he has reasons that would make it at least understandable as a reaction.

You’re not suitable for each other so just move on.

Neither of you were right. Why do you think he was worse, you think he should tolerate being slapped?

You might want to be more careful with who you have sex with or your own behaviour if you can't predict theirs.

Why are you having sex with him if you can't discuss your boundaries before hand? Whether casual or not?
Me and hubby are into rough sex, both know boundaries, likes/dislikes.
You shouldn't of scratched him nor should he slapped you back, both as bad as each other imo.