He pretended to work away

[Clh90]

while I was 3 months pregnant with our first baby together my partner told me that in just over a week he would need to work away with his male colleague for one night due to it being far away. Prior to this my partner had worked away multiple times and it never bothered me but this one time my gut feeling told me something was off. Anyway off he went and messaged me throughout the day and when he got to the hotel he messaged me too and rang me but when it came to 8pm it was like he was trying to brush me off. The next day when he came home he was acting strange and struggled to be initimate with me. The next day I voiced my worries and he got really defensive so I thought best to leave it. A few weeks later I just couldn’t shake these feelings and I checked his works tablet which was wrong I know, and it showed he hadn’t been working where he said he had. He was infact at a job he would do regular about an hours drive from our home. The strange thing is, he didn’t even stay in a hotel where he was working, he actually drove back up near where we live and stayed in a hotel near here! When I questioned him he said it’s because his colleague was with him and it was just easier and that he knew I would question why he was staying so close to home. However I then find out that his male colleague wasn’t actually with him and the hotel wasn’t booked through work at all, he actually booked it for himself! It also transpires he went to a restaurant and didn’t eat in the hotel like he told me, not like I was bothered where he ate but I remember him telling me how crap the hotel food was… turns out he never even ate there! but he swears he ate alone at this restaurant that he went to. I just don’t know why so many secrets. He says he was overwhelmed with the pregnancy and needed space but if he really wanted me to believe he waa working away not stay at a hotel where we was working, not derive an hour and a half back up near to where we live! Does anyone think there is more to this? (I had suspicions of there being someone else prior to this event due to him working late and on weekends - which coincidentally stopped after the night away in question). Am I overreacting?

No you’re not, you’re right that it doesn’t add up.
Im sorry but if you have other suspicions then it sounds like you might be right

@Clh90 It’s extremely suspicious. I would lean 95% towards him being with another woman. Some major red flags there. If I were you I would do a bit more digging without letting on. It’s also such a cliche to use the excuse “needed some me time” when caught lying about where they were.

How would I go about finding more out? I’ve literally exhausted everything. I don’t know what else to do

Just say 'you must think I'm a complete fucking mug if you think I believe the absolute shite you're spouting, piss off to hers if she'll have you' and have done with it.

Think I agree with this. Something definitely off about it. He's lying.

@AllOfThemWitches ive said all this and he still completely denies it. What if I’m wrong? I just don’t know what to think or do

It's too much evidence to ignore, sorry

@Clh90 are you able to check back on his online banking to when he went to the restaurant to see if the amount looks like it was just for one person? And is he the kind of person who would dine in a restaurant alone? I obviously don’t know what he’s like as a person or whether he would dine in a restaurant alone but most blokes I know would have just gone for some pub grub if alone, not dine in a restaurant alone. How long ago did this happen as well and has there been any suspicious behaviour since?

His story has more holes than a sieve.

I'd put money on him being a nasty liar from what you've said. I like to think if I were in your situation and the trust had gone, I'd tell him exactly where to go. You'll find out the truth soon enough x

@Clh90 he will deny it. It’s very rare they willing admit it.

I would bet everything I own, albeit not very much, on him, spouting absolute bullshit. He's a massive liar and a bad one at that.

Oh come on;you're being gaslighted.

Plain and simple;he was with another woman.

There is no other explanation whatsoever.

Plus, he wants to have his cake and eat it. Why not just end the relationship with you? Because he wants the best of both worlds. Take the choice away from him and don't let him come crawling back.

Op, you don't need to find out more. You know he's cheating on you, you're just grasping at straws. Anyone with eyes can read this and know he's cheating. It's the most obvious thing in the world. His story is utterly ridiculous and you'd have to be daft to believe him. I don't think you're daft, at all. I think you're understandably desperate to keep your relationship together, but you have to face reality. This relationship is done for.

Oh come on!

He lied about working away, paid for a hotel near home himself not through work and went out to a restaurant- of course he was with another woman.

@YoSof hes saying he actually didn’t eat in the restaurant after saying he had, he said he picked up a takaway from
the Indian restaurant and took it back to the hotel. I just don’t know what to believe 😭

You aren't in a court of law here. You don't need to prove he's lying about something before you say, no, I'm out.

You can bail because not knowing what the hell to think is exhausting.

I'd be assuming he is gay or bisexual. If the colleague was with him. Or maybe a prostitute? He is hiding something. Do you really need to know exactly what.
You can decide that you won't be made a fool of. The details are for him to chew over. His (shabby) business

@Clh90 His lies are spiralling and his story keeps changing. Your OP says he swears he ate at this restaurant alone. Now he got a takeaway? I think it’s pretty obvious he was with another woman but he’s not going to admit that.

You could tell him "this isn't just whatever i can prove you did or didn't do, I feel either stupid, or lied to. That is not going to be a peaceful secure life for me".

I'd assume he was shagging someone else, sorry to be blunt.

This is a good way to explain it.

I know you want proof, maybe then because you could leave him knowing there was a good reason. But you don't need a good reason. You can just tell him you don't want to be with him anymore.

I think it's pretty obvious he's lying and was with another woman. But giving him the benefit of the doubt and absolute best case scenario, he concocted an elaborate lie, changed his story when challenged, and all because he wanted a bit of time to think. Doesn't sound like a great relationship or that you can communicate well if that's true. What is he going to do if one day you have a real problem!?

@xPeaceXx this is so right! I have two kids to my previous marriage and one to him. I think I’m scared of being on my own with three kids

He's a complete liar.

Look at each turn you've found out he lied and he keeps twisting things so you are feeling completely bamboozled.

Don't allow him to confuse you, he has been deceitful for a reason.

That reason is blindingly obvious to anyone with an ounce of logic.