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Original poster

He pretended to work away

115 replies

Clh90 · 06/08/2023 18:41

while I was 3 months pregnant with our first baby together my partner told me that in just over a week he would need to work away with his male colleague for one night due to it being far away. Prior to this my partner had worked away multiple times and it never bothered me but this one time my gut feeling told me something was off. Anyway off he went and messaged me throughout the day and when he got to the hotel he messaged me too and rang me but when it came to 8pm it was like he was trying to brush me off. The next day when he came home he was acting strange and struggled to be initimate with me. The next day I voiced my worries and he got really defensive so I thought best to leave it. A few weeks later I just couldn’t shake these feelings and I checked his works tablet which was wrong I know, and it showed he hadn’t been working where he said he had. He was infact at a job he would do regular about an hours drive from our home. The strange thing is, he didn’t even stay in a hotel where he was working, he actually drove back up near where we live and stayed in a hotel near here! When I questioned him he said it’s because his colleague was with him and it was just easier and that he knew I would question why he was staying so close to home. However I then find out that his male colleague wasn’t actually with him and the hotel wasn’t booked through work at all, he actually booked it for himself! It also transpires he went to a restaurant and didn’t eat in the hotel like he told me, not like I was bothered where he ate but I remember him telling me how crap the hotel food was… turns out he never even ate there! but he swears he ate alone at this restaurant that he went to. I just don’t know why so many secrets. He says he was overwhelmed with the pregnancy and needed space but if he really wanted me to believe he waa working away not stay at a hotel where we was working, not derive an hour and a half back up near to where we live! Does anyone think there is more to this? (I had suspicions of there being someone else prior to this event due to him working late and on weekends - which coincidentally stopped after the night away in question). Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
ArcticSkewer · 06/08/2023 19:54

It's really clear he booked a hotel for a shag. Presumably someone he knows already and wanted to spend a whole night with - which is quite intimate - rather than a one off or a hooker.
If you want proof then you'll probably have to wait ages til he next slips up with his alibi

Bumcake · 06/08/2023 19:54

Ask him to prove to you that what he’s saying is correct. If he won’t / can’t then you have your answer.

Original poster
Clh90 · 06/08/2023 19:55

@RandomForest you’re right but I also want proof so I know I’m not the psycho he’s making me out to be. He’s making me feel like it’s all in my head

OP posts:
MadeForThis · 06/08/2023 19:56

He's lied about every single thing so far. How can you believe anything more he says?

Cas112 · 06/08/2023 19:56

He's lied. What more evidence do you need. He's proved you can't trust him enough to tell you the truth

YoSof · 06/08/2023 19:57

Clh90 · 06/08/2023 19:55

@RandomForest you’re right but I also want proof so I know I’m not the psycho he’s making me out to be. He’s making me feel like it’s all in my head

But you already know, don’t you? Even if you had concrete proof, he’d lie and minimise.

His reaction to your distress is very telling, if he was a loving, decent partner he would be horrified that you were in pain and would be doing everything to reassure you.

Please don’t waste your life on this man. You are worth so much more, being single feels scary but it’s a thousand times better than being in a relationship like this x

Olika · 06/08/2023 20:05

I always go with my gut feeling. If your gut says there's more to it then there is. Can you check his phone?

Original poster
Clh90 · 06/08/2023 20:09

@Olika funnily enough I did prior to this event due to suspicions as he was constantly on and off WhatsApp, only to find nothing, even though he had been on and off it it always showed the last person he messaged was me and then a guy from work a few days ago so obviously whoever he had been messaging in between had been deleted. And he was in the shower at the time I checked so didn’t have chance to check everything like emails etc. After that he changed his passcode and then eventually changed his number

OP posts:
Olika · 06/08/2023 20:17

This is even more suspicious. So he is deleting messages. Changing number and passcode makes it thousand times worse for me. I am so sorry you have to experience this. Flowers

HotPringles · 06/08/2023 20:20

Changing numbers?
did he say why he needed to do that? That’s a really unusual step unless someone is stalking you/being abusive.

Original poster
Clh90 · 06/08/2023 20:25

@HotPringles he says his signal was bad with the other provider so changed providers and they gave him a new number

OP posts:
GoodChat · 06/08/2023 20:29

Ask him to show you his bank transaction for the takeaway.

mathanxiety · 06/08/2023 20:31

Clh90 · 06/08/2023 19:22

@AllOfThemWitches ive said all this and he still completely denies it. What if I’m wrong? I just don’t know what to think or do

There's no putting the toothbrush back in the tube.

If you don't trust him, then you have to make a choice.

A relationship with someone you don't trust is a relationship that'd nothing more than self torture.

mathanxiety · 06/08/2023 20:32

*toothpaste!

mathanxiety · 06/08/2023 20:34

I know absolutely nobody who changes their number with a new phone or carrier. Nobody. The hassle of it would be enormous.

Callyem · 06/08/2023 20:40

He's cheated. He knows it. You know it. He is gaslighting you so you don't leave. You don't need proof to do a damn thing, you can do what you like. Just don't kid yourself x

LadyOfTheCanyon · 06/08/2023 20:42

He's probably my kept the old number as a second phone.

MNetcurtains · 06/08/2023 20:45

I see the TLB brigade are piling on. I just read another thread by a woman who said that one time things got too much for her at home and she checked into a Premier Inn for the night. Maybe his first explanation was true.

leopard22 · 06/08/2023 20:47

You can very easily swap your numbers from provider to provider, that's the normal thing to do- it doesn't impact signal at all.

GoodChat · 06/08/2023 20:47

MNetcurtains · 06/08/2023 20:45

I see the TLB brigade are piling on. I just read another thread by a woman who said that one time things got too much for her at home and she checked into a Premier Inn for the night. Maybe his first explanation was true.

His first explanation was that he was working away. Which was a lie.

Original poster
Clh90 · 06/08/2023 20:51

@MNetcurtains maybe so and I would have totally understood that. Having a baby is a massive commitment. But for me. Why say you’re with a male work colleague, why say you’re working 3 hours away when you’re not and check into a hotel not 3 hours away but ten minutes up from our house? Why say you’ve eaten at the hotel when you haven’t? It’s just bizzare. Maybe I’m wrong and I hope I am. Thank you for your view on things I appreciate it as he says I’m going mad

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 06/08/2023 20:55

Oh come on op. He’s cheated. We all know it, and so do you! Question is, what are you going to do about it?

Stratocumulus · 06/08/2023 20:56

Your gut is your second brain. Take notice of what your gut is telling you.
I think he’s kept his old phone & number and keeps it hidden, on silent, somewhere. Changing your number is such a hassle. Why would anyone do that?

In your shoes I’d bide my time and play the long game. Sooner or later he’ll drop himself in it & you’ll have even more evidence. He’ll relax thinking he’s got away with it & make a mistake. If you can bear if, just wait & see.

Im so sorry OP, you must be feeling hellish. I hope you can move forward but meanwhile keep your antennae up. Slowly slowly catchee monkey!

RosaKim · 06/08/2023 21:00

Sorry op but he’s cheated, if it was me I’d NEED to find out though. Can you ask to look at his phone?

MNetcurtains · 06/08/2023 21:11

Clh90 · 06/08/2023 20:51

@MNetcurtains maybe so and I would have totally understood that. Having a baby is a massive commitment. But for me. Why say you’re with a male work colleague, why say you’re working 3 hours away when you’re not and check into a hotel not 3 hours away but ten minutes up from our house? Why say you’ve eaten at the hotel when you haven’t? It’s just bizzare. Maybe I’m wrong and I hope I am. Thank you for your view on things I appreciate it as he says I’m going mad

I could be wrong, but I have a husband of 40 years who will always make an over elaborate excuse rather than keep it simple. It's just the way his mind works. He does it to get out of social engagements he doesn't want to attend, he does it for such trivial stuff. It drives me up the wall, but it's just the way his mind works.