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Original poster

Partner just compared me to ex - TWICE

107 replies

Remoteclockface · 05/08/2023 01:28

Me and DP have been together 2 + years - his ex is toxic from what he, his family and what I know of her.

Tonight is the first night blending families - is, his DS staying at mine with my DD, separate rooms kids asleep - but it’s been tough, tensions have run high and DP has had a little too much wine.

we were whisper arguing about something petty and he said ‘you sound just like her’ I asked him if he was serious, he said ‘yes, I’m having flash backs of her looking at you’ - I’m livid and I’m the spare room fuming!!!

He has come in to try and coax me to bed but I’m fuming! How dare he resort to that so quickly, we rarely argue so I’m shocked he would stoop so low so quick!

Is this the end?

OP posts:
RandomForest · 05/08/2023 01:36

Maybe what you thought about the ex is wrong.

Maybe he was the toxic one.

AutumnCrow · 05/08/2023 01:45

I’d want him gone in the morning. You can be civil to him and nice to his DC, but that’s that.

Maybe he likes your big house and lifestyle.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 05/08/2023 01:47

RandomForest · 05/08/2023 01:36

Maybe what you thought about the ex is wrong.

Maybe he was the toxic one.

Yeah, this.

MumGMT · 05/08/2023 01:57

RandomForest · 05/08/2023 01:36

Maybe what you thought about the ex is wrong.

Maybe he was the toxic one.

This!

but it’s been tough, tensions have run high

Also why has it been tough?

TheShellBeach · 05/08/2023 02:01

Why has it been tough, OP?

It does sound like he is the toxic one, not his ex. He doesn't like women who challenge him.

At least he's shown his true colours fairly early on in the relationship. I do not think you can come back from this.

Sittingonasale · 05/08/2023 02:04

No, I think silly mistake on his part.
I'd be annoyed too but considering tensions are high and he's had wine, I'd let it go.

If it becomes a habit, then you can think twice.

Tell him how it's made you feel. Allow him to apologise and not do it again.

fullbloom87 · 05/08/2023 02:05

BIN

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/08/2023 02:06

He may be a 'bitches be crazy' twat. Watch him.

PeacefulPottering · 05/08/2023 02:08

Why did he say that?
What tensions led to it?
It's not really enough to say blending your families?
What caused him to say it?
Why did you got to the spare room exactly?

Greengrassohla · 05/08/2023 02:09

So have they moved in, or is this just a sleepover?

autienotnaughti · 05/08/2023 05:47

Why are tensions high? Are the children not happy?

I'd be very clear that is an unacceptable comment and if he continues to say it I would not stay in the relationship

NotNowGertrude · 05/08/2023 05:52

He's putting you in your place

Agree with others he sounds like the toxic one doing that on a night which meant something to your relationship & then spoiling it

That was a red flag

Original poster
Remoteclockface · 05/08/2023 06:20

MumGMT · 05/08/2023 01:57

This!

but it’s been tough, tensions have run high

Also why has it been tough?

Show quote history

Just woke up still seething.

I suppose a difference of parenting styles he is a very anxious parent I am more relaxed which kinda showed when we were in days out etc but has been worse today so we have been bickering about little things.

OP posts:
Original poster
Remoteclockface · 05/08/2023 06:21

TheShellBeach · 05/08/2023 02:01

Why has it been tough, OP?

It does sound like he is the toxic one, not his ex. He doesn't like women who challenge him.

At least he's shown his true colours fairly early on in the relationship. I do not think you can come back from this.

This seems to resonate with me

OP posts:
Original poster
Remoteclockface · 05/08/2023 06:22

Greengrassohla · 05/08/2023 02:09

So have they moved in, or is this just a sleepover?

Just a sleepover but it’s for 2 nights , so they are meant to be here tonight too

OP posts:
greenteaandmarshmallows · 05/08/2023 06:24

I'd just say it's not working between the kids so can they leave today please and go back to their house. Then when child has gone back to their other parent dump your boyfriend.

Original poster
Remoteclockface · 05/08/2023 06:25

NotNowGertrude · 05/08/2023 05:52

He's putting you in your place

Agree with others he sounds like the toxic one doing that on a night which meant something to your relationship & then spoiling it

That was a red flag

What do you mean by this please? Only because I am obviously now weighing this comment up with other lesser comments, particularly if he has not had his way today with the kids

OP posts:
Poppyblush · 05/08/2023 06:28

First night with both kids and he drinks - what a twat.

he likens you to his ex - what a twat.

and you’re with him why??

Original poster
Remoteclockface · 05/08/2023 06:30

No one is up yet, will wait to see what he says when he gets up will of course be civil and pleasant to and with the kids

OP posts:
MumGMT · 05/08/2023 06:37

Remoteclockface · 05/08/2023 06:20

Just woke up still seething.

I suppose a difference of parenting styles he is a very anxious parent I am more relaxed which kinda showed when we were in days out etc but has been worse today so we have been bickering about little things.

Show quote history

This is worrying in itself even without the comments he made. Surely the tension will get worse over time and not better if a calm environment couldn't be maintained on the very first night of blending families.

greenteaandmarshmallows · 05/08/2023 07:22

Remoteclockface · 05/08/2023 06:25

What do you mean by this please? Only because I am obviously now weighing this comment up with other lesser comments, particularly if he has not had his way today with the kids

Show quote history

It's an important day - first day of trying to blend. And he's ruined it.

autienotnaughti · 05/08/2023 07:41

Saying you remind him of his ex is a way to silence you. He doesn't like what you are saying and wants to shut you up.

If he can't openly communicate parenting techniques it's not going to work

Original poster
Remoteclockface · 05/08/2023 07:54

House still quiet on my 10th coffee and kitchen cleaned to within an inch of its life. I cannot believe he would stoop so low, after all the (possible shit) he has said about her.

All I was trying to do was help the whole evening, my DC is a few years older so I was just reassuring and trying to support. He accused me of trying to take over his DS, as if!, and I was calmly trying to explain that I was just helping and we had to work together as a team.

He feels no boundary is suggesting things in my parenting.

He also accused the dog of ‘taking his place on the sofa’ which to be honest I laughed out loud at! I mean - WTF?

OP posts:
Original poster
Remoteclockface · 05/08/2023 07:57

MumGMT · 05/08/2023 06:37

This is worrying in itself even without the comments he made. Surely the tension will get worse over time and not better if a calm environment couldn't be maintained on the very first night of blending families.

Show quote history

I have tried to be sympathetic to this, especially as he said that his ex would smother DS and not allow him to do anything etc so Iv always given them space but DS is young and obviously gravitates to my DD and to me a bit as DD is fun and plays games and I cook and know where everything is in the house etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Remoteclockface · 05/08/2023 07:57

I feel really hurt tbh - not sure when I see him when he gets up what to think or say tbh

OP posts:
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