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Original poster

Do you think this is wild?

150 replies

Flutterbye22 · 28/07/2023 21:36

Met a guy recently for a date and he is a divorcee and single dad with full custody of his 5 year old daughter. Found out he left his wife as she was unwell, and he now pays her £2k a month to cover her mortgage and living costs. She doesn’t work or leave the house. She has only seen their daughter twice since Christmas.

It reflects that he is a decent man, but something about it makes me feel very uncomfortable at the same time.

OP posts:
Alcemeg · 29/07/2023 22:00

You still know nothing about him!
He's probably a complete psychopath, but hey.

Original poster
Flutterbye22 · 29/07/2023 22:46

Alcemeg · 29/07/2023 22:00

You still know nothing about him!
He's probably a complete psychopath, but hey.

😳

OP posts:
JibbaJab · 29/07/2023 23:00

Flutterbye22 · 29/07/2023 19:47

Thank you for sharing your experience.

It’s really good to hear your side of things as it shows a totally different side to it all.

I guess I don’t know - get the impression he took their daughter out of welfare concerns. He didn’t want her exposed to mum mh issues and I don’t know the extent of it. He lives 10-15 mins away from her.

Show quote history

No worries.

I mean it may genuinely be that and that's one of my concerns. Not only danger wise as often gets them into but also entire way of living and view is warped, very hate filled and controlling, untrusting and isolating them from everyone but her now.

I would maybe enquire more if you are not sure and if he's gone through courts then more certainty on that front perhaps.

Doesn't necessarily mean he's a psychopath lol

porridgeisbae · 29/07/2023 23:11

It also could be to cover up for being financially inept @Flutterbye22 .

He could just be bad with money and he's covering it with this lie about his wife.

Original poster
Flutterbye22 · 29/07/2023 23:12

JibbaJab · 29/07/2023 23:00

No worries.

I mean it may genuinely be that and that's one of my concerns. Not only danger wise as often gets them into but also entire way of living and view is warped, very hate filled and controlling, untrusting and isolating them from everyone but her now.

I would maybe enquire more if you are not sure and if he's gone through courts then more certainty on that front perhaps.

Doesn't necessarily mean he's a psychopath lol

Show quote history

Lol, exactly. I think I need more information for sure - thank you. It’s tricky as he’s only gonna share with me what he wants to and it may be warped.

I think for a mom not to see their child, it’s got to be very severe mental health difficulties :(

OP posts:
Phoenixrising2020 · 29/07/2023 23:14

Could it be that when she sees her daughter, her ex is abusive towards her?

Original poster
Flutterbye22 · 29/07/2023 23:19

Phoenixrising2020 · 29/07/2023 23:14

Could it be that when she sees her daughter, her ex is abusive towards her?

It could well be?

I need more info for sure. If there are or were serious welfare concerns & it’s been through the courts, surely it would be contact thru a contact centre type thing??

He tells me she never leaves the house, has no friends or family. Just watches YouTube all day. Sounds a very sad existence, I feel for her.

OP posts:
Phoenixrising2020 · 29/07/2023 23:25

But perhaps he caused her mental health problems. I knew someone like this, she left and went to a refuge; he distorted things the child said in anger and used them to build a case against her. I would be extremely wary. He retracted it when CAFCASS told him where she was ....

Please proceed with extreme care.

Phoenixrising2020 · 29/07/2023 23:27

As for the contact centre, he may have all the control. Family courts aren't known for their work against the patriarchy and with abuse, so many things can be written off as different parenting styles or just distorted, or lied about.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 29/07/2023 23:29

Flutterbye22 · 29/07/2023 23:19

It could well be?

I need more info for sure. If there are or were serious welfare concerns & it’s been through the courts, surely it would be contact thru a contact centre type thing??

He tells me she never leaves the house, has no friends or family. Just watches YouTube all day. Sounds a very sad existence, I feel for her.

Show quote history

Well, it could be. But then again, my ex said stuff like that when I was working full time and studying for a degree, running a Brownie Pack and training twice a week. It really impressed younger women, apparently, as their hearts melted at the thought of this unfortunate single Dad. Who hadn't looked after his own child once since she was born.

JibbaJab · 29/07/2023 23:42

Flutterbye22 · 29/07/2023 23:19

It could well be?

I need more info for sure. If there are or were serious welfare concerns & it’s been through the courts, surely it would be contact thru a contact centre type thing??

He tells me she never leaves the house, has no friends or family. Just watches YouTube all day. Sounds a very sad existence, I feel for her.

Show quote history

Again to use mine as a reference, for the last I would say four years has barely left the house and spent all day every day online and refused to get dressed or care for herself towards the end and didn't for the children either. Only now she's totally reinvented herself, like a personality switch but extreme hostility towards me and family. Only now is going out with the children but that is only for the benefit for the one or two friends she has left, who are fairly new and have no idea who she is really.

One by one over the years every friend has been pushed away and both sides of the family have been cut off completely, no one has been spared and I was the last one left.

Mines more DA and it's been pretty consistent throughout but she ain't firing on all cylinders and everyone so far including solicitors can't make any sense of it, it's self destructive and illogical but unfortunately she's kinda being smart with it at the same time and has legally blocked me for now.

So yeah, it could be she does have issues and she really doesn't want or need to see the daughter. Alternatively, like PP said he's doing what mine is doing to me now and alienating the children and the illness was caused by him. I've been sick like eight years and it affected my whole body but especially my memory and cognitive function but nobody could explain it. Now, I'm seemingly completely cured and have all my memory back.

Emotional and psychological abuse is no joke I can tell you that at least.

It's hard to know for sure but I would perhaps press it if you are interested but be wary all the same.

supercali77 · 30/07/2023 00:53

The only reason I can think of to land all that on someone on the first date is because it IS very unusual and a person might think it better to give someone the option to decline to get involved without getting attached. But that doesn't square with him attempting to convince you later.

Thistlelass · 30/07/2023 01:18

Flutterbye22 · 28/07/2023 22:07

Well, he told me… and I think it is my business if I were to continue dating him as that is something I don’t feel comfortable with… so it gives me the choice to walk away. I think it is my business, so I’d have to disagree with you.

Show quote history

But presumably if you were the wife and very unwell etc you would be very happy he was providing for you? He maybe is a very high earner and can easily afford. No I think I would be disregarding that info at the moment and trying to decide if I found him attractive and interesting.

Original poster
Flutterbye22 · 30/07/2023 22:36

Phoenixrising2020 · 29/07/2023 23:25

But perhaps he caused her mental health problems. I knew someone like this, she left and went to a refuge; he distorted things the child said in anger and used them to build a case against her. I would be extremely wary. He retracted it when CAFCASS told him where she was ....

Please proceed with extreme care.

Gosh that is scary. Poor lady x

OP posts:
Original poster
Flutterbye22 · 20/08/2023 08:12

I haven’t spoken to this man since the end of July. I basically messaged him and said I no longer wish to see you, it’s not for me etc. He very bluntly replied message me if you change your mind and that was it. Haven’t spoken since.

On Friday just gone he messages me to say I’ve been crossing his mind. He then asks whether there is something between us that can exist. And I said I don’t think so. Explained I don’t want to see someone with a daughter and think he needs to focus on his daughter etc. He kept pressing. Said he hasn’t connected with anyone like he has with me in the past 2 years of looking.

feels a bit weird. Especially after msgs on here that have highlighted he should’ve been focusing on his daughter and his unwell ex wife - which I actually agree with.

I’ve just messaged him again this morning to say thanks for messaging but I’m really not interested and I am sure he will find someone else!

OP posts:
RantyAnty · 20/08/2023 08:14

Flutterbye22 · 20/08/2023 08:12

I haven’t spoken to this man since the end of July. I basically messaged him and said I no longer wish to see you, it’s not for me etc. He very bluntly replied message me if you change your mind and that was it. Haven’t spoken since.

On Friday just gone he messages me to say I’ve been crossing his mind. He then asks whether there is something between us that can exist. And I said I don’t think so. Explained I don’t want to see someone with a daughter and think he needs to focus on his daughter etc. He kept pressing. Said he hasn’t connected with anyone like he has with me in the past 2 years of looking.

feels a bit weird. Especially after msgs on here that have highlighted he should’ve been focusing on his daughter and his unwell ex wife - which I actually agree with.

I’ve just messaged him again this morning to say thanks for messaging but I’m really not interested and I am sure he will find someone else!

Now block him

Original poster
Flutterbye22 · 20/08/2023 08:32

RantyAnty · 20/08/2023 08:14

Now block him

Show quote history

Yep, blocked him now!

OP posts:
Beargrumps22 · 20/08/2023 08:37

walking out on a spouse when ill then just throwing money at her to ease his conscience doesn't sit right with me. Neither does not seeing his daughter when his ex if ill may be glad of help with her not to mention being a father to her; probably throws money at her too to ease his conscience

Original poster
Flutterbye22 · 20/08/2023 08:42

Beargrumps22 · 20/08/2023 08:37

walking out on a spouse when ill then just throwing money at her to ease his conscience doesn't sit right with me. Neither does not seeing his daughter when his ex if ill may be glad of help with her not to mention being a father to her; probably throws money at her too to ease his conscience

I agree - that doesn’t sit right with me either and does not bode well as a future partner for myself in all honesty!

He lives with his daughter and from what I can tell, is a fairly good father to her. He has taken her away to Cornwall a couple of times this summer and is involved with her schooling. We do have to appreciate, it’s difficult being a single parent.

However, I certainly think there is way more to this story and it sounds far too messy for me to get involved.

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 20/08/2023 09:27

Flutterbye22 · 20/08/2023 08:12

I haven’t spoken to this man since the end of July. I basically messaged him and said I no longer wish to see you, it’s not for me etc. He very bluntly replied message me if you change your mind and that was it. Haven’t spoken since.

On Friday just gone he messages me to say I’ve been crossing his mind. He then asks whether there is something between us that can exist. And I said I don’t think so. Explained I don’t want to see someone with a daughter and think he needs to focus on his daughter etc. He kept pressing. Said he hasn’t connected with anyone like he has with me in the past 2 years of looking.

feels a bit weird. Especially after msgs on here that have highlighted he should’ve been focusing on his daughter and his unwell ex wife - which I actually agree with.

I’ve just messaged him again this morning to say thanks for messaging but I’m really not interested and I am sure he will find someone else!

Doesn't like hearing 'no', does he?

Reckon the Nanny has dared to go on holiday and he's had to parent the kid a bit/not been able to go dating recruiting a replacement childcare human.

Twat.

Original poster
Flutterbye22 · 20/08/2023 10:58

NeverDropYourMooncup · 20/08/2023 09:27

Doesn't like hearing 'no', does he?

Reckon the Nanny has dared to go on holiday and he's had to parent the kid a bit/not been able to go dating recruiting a replacement childcare human.

Twat.

Show quote history

This is what I felt too!! I think I have dodged a huge bullet here.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flutterbye22 · 20/08/2023 10:59

NeverDropYourMooncup · 20/08/2023 09:27

Doesn't like hearing 'no', does he?

Reckon the Nanny has dared to go on holiday and he's had to parent the kid a bit/not been able to go dating recruiting a replacement childcare human.

Twat.

Show quote history

P.s. I love your username, lol!

OP posts:
AgentJohnson · 20/08/2023 11:11

Oversharing a narrative that makes him sound like a hero. On a first date.

Proceed with caution.

This, with bloody bells on but I wouldn’t proceed.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 20/08/2023 11:21

We don’t know

as it could be she has major substance abuse and mental health issues and he’s protecting his child (feasible )

it could be that he’s abusive and is practicing parental estrangement (also feasible )

we don’t know
and yeah it would make me uneasy too as could easily swing either way

Original poster
Flutterbye22 · 20/08/2023 11:46

Thisisworsethananticpated · 20/08/2023 11:21

We don’t know

as it could be she has major substance abuse and mental health issues and he’s protecting his child (feasible )

it could be that he’s abusive and is practicing parental estrangement (also feasible )

we don’t know
and yeah it would make me uneasy too as could easily swing either way

Exactly.

I think both are feasible but whole thing makes me uneasy… I’m stepping well away!

OP posts:
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