He forgot my birthday

[Ratonastick]

It’s my birthday today and it’s a big one. I haven’t really done anything today as I have been doing all sorts at weekends etc, but all my friends remembered. I’ve had lots of parcels and flowers and have generally had a lovely quiet day to myself.

The guy I have been seeing for about a year hasn’t so much as text me. We don’t live together, in fact it’s pretty long distance at the moment though he is planning to relocate to my area next year. He knows it’s today as he was at mine last week and saw me open a card that arrived early. He has a lot on at the moment, but basically he has completely forgotten.

What do I do? Right now I am stewing and wondering whether to text and ask if he has forgotten anything. Or just leave it and see if light dawns over the next few days. I want him to know I am properly upset and for him to realise this is serious. A text would have cost nothing. Booking flowers online after we last saw each other so he didn’t forget would have been easy. He just couldn’t be arsed. He has form for being careless about my feelings, though I don’t doubt that he loves me. I don’t want to give him a get out as this is just crap.

He absolute does not need it to be in person, but I do. I have been working out what I am going to say and I want to say it to his face. It is hardly the first “it’s over” message I have delivered. He may have been a shit, but I am not and I am going to keep it that way.

Thought this was a long distance relationship? Why would you drag him across the country, possibly requiring an overnight stay, just to dump him in person? He’s behaved badly and I don’t blame you for dumping him but getting him to travel to you under false pretences is just twattish behaviour on your part!

He’s due in the area for work anyway plus his mother lives fairly close to me. He often combines visits so it’s not a hardship for him. And my sympathy is limited, he’ll be fine.

How did it go, OP? Hope you’re okay 💐

But like, you know he is trying to make it up to you so it now just comes across as you wanting him to lay on the gifts and then you end it. It just seems bizarre really.
Its like you've read threads of strong women and are trying to come across all nonchalant or something but it just isn't appearing that way.

You wouldn't be "a shit" to end it over a phonecall :/

This makes it sound like it's about point scoring now. You can say all that you need to say in a text. Don't let him think its all blown over and then drag him to your doorstep to dump him, that just looks petty.

Exactly

It's only shit to end it over the phone/by text if the other party had been a decent partner and have earned respect.

I wouldn't be wasting my time and going out my way to placate the feelings who had disregarded mine so easily.

Unless you're hoping that this is a wake up call for him. Where you see him in person and threaten to end it so he begs and you give him "one more chance"

Also keep the flowers 😉

You know what I’ll say what I’ve said before.
Birthdays don’t have to be massively expensive. Its ALWAYS the thought that counts.
I was in a similar position to you my last birthday.
I spent a fortune on my new boyfriends birthday as I wanted to show him how special he was to me.

Showed up the night before in nothing but lingerie. Got him gifts, balloons, cake! Took him to see the film he had been banging on about that night and paid for a weekend away.

7 months in my birthday came round.
I woke up to an unwrapped t-shirt and a card without an envelope. He took himself back to bed and said he had stomach ache. When he woke up at 3pm, he said “You still want to go for that walk?”
It wasn’t about the gifts or money spent on me. I love days out to the lake or mountains with a cheap picnic. So that would have made me happy. Just to see he had made an effort to plan the day around what I enjoy. Instead I spent the day waiting for him to wake up as all my friends had already made plans.

Its not about dumping him because he didn’t buy you anything.
its dumping him because you’re sick of having to repeatedly explain to him, that acknowledging your importance to him is bare minimum in any relationship.

huge hugs 💐

Also, I would just dump him via text. He couldn’t be bothered to even message you on your birthday. He wouldn’t deserve an in person dumping!

You are doing the right thing.

Birthdays are important to me - my parents never actually wanted to be parents in the first place, the only reason I'm here is because my mother is Catholic - and unless it was to look good to extended family they were shit at birthdays. We moved countries when I was 9 and it because there was no audience even the token effort stopped.

So as an adult my birthday is important to me, and I want if I have a romantic relationship I want it to matter to them, too. My 40th birthday was ruined because I spent the day text fighting with my then boyfriend, who not only refused to see me on the day, but also refused to even text me 'happy birthday'...looking back I could kick myself for reacting on the actual day, as it's the only memory I have of that day now, a shit one.

He may feel like he's making amends now (the flowers), but as the saying goes 'too little, too late'. The fact you had had what Americans call a 'come to Jesus' conversation regarding your relationship barely a week earlier makes it worse. I can also understand why you want to say it all to his face...why should you make terminating the relationship any easier for him by doing it remotely?

Don't say anything to him then his response will be authentic. 50 is a pretty big one to miss.

I think he’ll say the right things and you’ll forgive him and carry on. Otherwise, you would have ended it over the phone. There’s no need to do these things face to face at all

Agree completely.

It never ceases to amaze me how low some women set their bar. And then wonder why they get treated like shit.

Yep, that's me!!!!
No bar, no boundaries.
Ended up with a nice man though, despite my best efforts 😜
Always been the opposite of risk averse.
Got into some proper shit.
Don't copy me, I'm a wanker.