He forgot my birthday

[Ratonastick]

It’s my birthday today and it’s a big one. I haven’t really done anything today as I have been doing all sorts at weekends etc, but all my friends remembered. I’ve had lots of parcels and flowers and have generally had a lovely quiet day to myself.

The guy I have been seeing for about a year hasn’t so much as text me. We don’t live together, in fact it’s pretty long distance at the moment though he is planning to relocate to my area next year. He knows it’s today as he was at mine last week and saw me open a card that arrived early. He has a lot on at the moment, but basically he has completely forgotten.

What do I do? Right now I am stewing and wondering whether to text and ask if he has forgotten anything. Or just leave it and see if light dawns over the next few days. I want him to know I am properly upset and for him to realise this is serious. A text would have cost nothing. Booking flowers online after we last saw each other so he didn’t forget would have been easy. He just couldn’t be arsed. He has form for being careless about my feelings, though I don’t doubt that he loves me. I don’t want to give him a get out as this is just crap.

Happy birthday 🎂🎉

You say that he has been careless about your feelings before, you've literally just had a conversation about that, and he's ballsed it up. I don't think I would want to give him anymore chances.

I definately would not text him or contact him today, wait and see what happens next.
Just carry on as normal, dont even mention your birthday. Hard to tell if he has genuinely forgotten or not but from what you have said then you may have dodged a bullet....

Happy birthday!

Treat yourself by getting rid of the waste of space. None of it sounds worth it.

Happy birthday!!!!!!

Dont let him spoil it - seriously.

The man has shown you he isn’t thoughtful or considerate of your feelings.

He won’t change darl, it’s not you or anything you have done, he’s just totally self absorbed

Has he text you today about other stuff and just not mentioned your birthday or have you not heard from him at all?

Oof, that’s awful and a deal breaker. Being careless about your feelings generally is too though! Love is an action, if he’s ever making you feel you don’t matter I wouldn’t be so sure of his love.

Happy birthday, I’m glad your friends have made an effort for you.

I think he is self absorbed and self centred and long distance has probably disguised it more than I am willing to admit. We can both be a bit crap at talking/texting as life gets in the way but when we are together it feels like we’re made for each other. Last week felt like we had stepped up to a new level of love and future together. This feels like I have stepped on a massive snake and spiralled all the way back to the bottom.

PPs are right. My friends and family all remembered and Jo should focus on them. There has been quite a fuss this year so there is no excuse. This is exactly who he is, the question is what I do next.

Yes. We spoke at length this morning about some very practical stuff.

What were the communication issues and why was he having to reassure you that he needs to make more effort?

Take it from someone who has had a similar experience op. I dated a guy for a while who lacked communication skills… well he didn’t, he just didn’t want to communicate with me despite him being a really good communicator in the beginning! After almost a year, my birthday came around and he decided he would not bother to contact me at all on my birthday! This came after an influx of him ghosting for days on end and then being full of apologies and promises to make more effort! He definitely ignored my birthday on purpose! He knew it was my birthday as I’d mentioned it only the night before but on the day of my birthday he ghosted me for a full 24 hours and then came back with some sob story about him being really busy!

Happy Birthday OP! I hope you're doing something nice this evening and not thinking about someone who isn't thinking or caring about you.

Bin him and get someone who deserves you.

I'm with OP on this one, with him being long distance he could easily just say, "I was about to message you" "I've not forgotten, I was busy at work" etc.. which we all know is bullshit, but it could buy him a get out of jail free card.

It sounds like OP is about ready to throw in the towel, and unless he pulls off some last minute birthday surprise like turning up at her door with flowers, this is a test to see if he passes, if he fails that's it, but she's not about to 'help' him pass, it's not playing games, you shouldn't have to remind him of things like this, if he cared enough he'd remember. Any moron can set an alert on their phone.

I'd fuck him off OP, if he hadn't seem the cards last week and acknowledge it and if it wasn't your 50th I could forgive with it being long distance, but not under these circumstances.

His job is sales led. He absolutely knows how to communicate and how to connect with people. He had chosen not to prioritise me. I’m not sure if it is an active choice or just careless but it still hurts that he has done this.

Text him "Roses are absolutely beautiful, thankyou, the scent is filling the room. Very moved by your touching words, made me cry, it means a lot, just on my way out for dinner, Yes, I'm having such a lovely day, speak soon."

I think he is jealous that you are getting attention from your friends and family and basically doesn’t want to join in

That made me laugh! I think I am going to crack open a bottle of champagne and call my best mate. Fuck him!!

You don’t know what you do next? You get rid of him. It’s fairly early days, you’ve spoken to him very recently about him not showing he cares and he’s failed to show you again only a week later. He’s telling you he doesn’t give a shit by the way he’s acting and you’re dithering about what to do. Know your worth and dump him is what you do.

Block him
Happy Birthday

OP, this is a special day for you and it is perfectly normal to expect your partner to make an effort - distance is no excuse. It's about effort, and making someone feel loved and valued. He's just shown your value to him with a highlighter pen. Only someone with no self worth would accept this. I'd send a message in the morning to say that his forgetting/ignoring your birthday is not redeemable in any way, and that you're done.

Happy 50th Birthday

I think I could see how someone might lose track of what day it is BUT he knows it's a big bday he should be organizing something like a weekend away or big theatre night out or something like that?

Also you don't call him 'my boyfriebd' or dp but guy I'm seeing. That suggests someone you've known for a month, after a year of it's not serious now I dont think it will be.

Sorry this has all come to light on your bday but I can see you're very loved with lots of great friends and a kind person, you can do better xx

He didn't "forget" though, did he? He is ignoring your birthday. You told him about it last weekend and he either chose not to set a reminder/order a gift or is actively choosing to ignore it.

You know he's doing this on purpose . He's making sure you know your place. He's expecting you to feel upset and unsure about his feelings for you. He's training you not to expect anything from him but be very grateful he's there at all.

It's the end of the road for this 'relationship' isn't it? He just can't be bothered. Don't bother contacting him - just block.

He's shown you who he is. He'd not forget a client issue for work. He'd not forget golf with the boys, or a mates night out.
He's not prioritizing you.
Move on. He needs the lesson if nothing else! Other exes of his must have put up with these standards!

That's really shit, you deserve much much better than this. Happy birthday 🥳

He has form for being careless about my feelings.

And you thought he would change despite speaking to him (I assume several times)? I'm so sorry OP, it won't ever happen. Maybe for a week or two but then he will revert.

I hope you have treated yourself to a lovely cake and some wine. Happy Birthday!

Even if he doesn't think Birthdays are a big deal it's not unreasonable to think they are for some people and to not take the risk....I had a boyfriend who said he didn't celebrate his own birthday but then mentioned he hated the "Happy Birthday" piped on a plate...so cue the card gift and restaurant booking!