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Original poster

He forgot my birthday

140 replies

Ratonastick · 25/07/2023 19:57

It’s my birthday today and it’s a big one. I haven’t really done anything today as I have been doing all sorts at weekends etc, but all my friends remembered. I’ve had lots of parcels and flowers and have generally had a lovely quiet day to myself.

The guy I have been seeing for about a year hasn’t so much as text me. We don’t live together, in fact it’s pretty long distance at the moment though he is planning to relocate to my area next year. He knows it’s today as he was at mine last week and saw me open a card that arrived early. He has a lot on at the moment, but basically he has completely forgotten.

What do I do? Right now I am stewing and wondering whether to text and ask if he has forgotten anything. Or just leave it and see if light dawns over the next few days. I want him to know I am properly upset and for him to realise this is serious. A text would have cost nothing. Booking flowers online after we last saw each other so he didn’t forget would have been easy. He just couldn’t be arsed. He has form for being careless about my feelings, though I don’t doubt that he loves me. I don’t want to give him a get out as this is just crap.

OP posts:
user1469770863 · 26/07/2023 09:10

sweetie, very VERY old gimmer here, who has also had a big birthday this week. I'll say what I've said before. You deserve more.

littlebopeepp234 · 26/07/2023 09:13

Ratonastick · 26/07/2023 09:06

Frankly, I read it in the 90s and thought it was bollocks then and I think its premise is bollocks now.

For me, a long distance relationship needs a different approach to a regular one. When you are together you need to focus on the time you have and when you are apart you need to communicate well or you will drift apart. Showing someone you think of them when you are apart via the medium of silly trinkets is not a power play.

Show quote history

Honestly op I have had quite a few long distance relationships and you are right! There is only one who didn’t make the effort with me and that is the one who I mentioned in an earlier post who ghosted me for a full 24 hours on my birthday even though I’d mentioned it was my birthday the day before! He would also disappear and reappear for days on end on a regular basis.

The couple of other long distance relationships I have had, communication has been extremely consistent and BOTH those men made an effort with my birthday even if it was just a little happy birthday message from a distance and making me feel great on my birthday!

So there you have it! If he has shown a lack of effort at other times he has shown you the real him! No point running around and making a fuss of him on his birthday!

TheCrystalPalace · 26/07/2023 09:13

My own mother forgot my birthday on at least two occasions I can remember.
I was hurt to the point of tears both times.
Fortunately, my husband and my now adult children make a big fuss of me (as I do them).
OP, you didn't actually ask this but YANBU.

NotBotheredAnymore · 26/07/2023 09:17

Ratonastick · 26/07/2023 09:03

His response was a run of emojis and gifs followed by a “happy birthday” text. No apology, no mortification, no embarrassment so no girlfriend by the end of the day.

Ahhhhh, the overload of what you wanted just to dilute your request down and show you that it's meaningless. The sheer deluge where they stop you from being able to speak, whether its because you can't get a word in edgeways or because you are stunned at the utter pettiness of it all. He's trying to shut you down, you little pipsqueak.

Yep, the no apology would do it for me. Console yourself with the thought he showed his hand early and you got out.

littlebopeepp234 · 26/07/2023 09:21

Ratonastick · 26/07/2023 09:03

His response was a run of emojis and gifs followed by a “happy birthday” text. No apology, no mortification, no embarrassment so no girlfriend by the end of the day.

So this shows that he KNEW it was your birthday as there is no apology, no feeling embarrassed and no remorse! Just an uncaring “happy birthday” and a bunch of emojis! He couldn’t even be arsed to say “belated” happy birthday!

A decent person would definitely apologise if they had forgotten! As I thought and said in my earlier post yesterday he HAS done it on purpose! Please do not take this man back or make a fuss of him on his birthday

Alcemeg · 26/07/2023 09:30

Ugh, the GIFs and emojis! He might as well have handed you a half-chewed pork pie.

Sounds like it's a case of "out of sight, out of mind" with this one, which as you say is not ideal for a long-distance relationship.

Happy unbirthday to you OP and big respect for spotting this and acting on it. Better luck next time, you won't find someone nice while compromising with this one! Flowers

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 26/07/2023 09:37

JadeClade · 25/07/2023 19:58

why is it "serious"? and why are you upset?

This.

Shapemyeyebrows · 26/07/2023 09:47

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune do you not celebrate birthdays in your family?

daisychain01 · 26/07/2023 09:49

Spraying you with those ghastly emoji's what is he, 10 years old.

Bullet well and truly dodged 👍

HalloumiLuvver · 26/07/2023 09:55

Codlingmoths · 26/07/2023 04:13

You don’t doubt he loves you? I mean, he probably likes you a little bit, but is far too lazy to put himself out and make actual effort. Theres no love here.

Agree

CrazyCactusCementP0t · 26/07/2023 10:22

Happy 50th birthday 🎂

Yes you deserve better

aflix · 26/07/2023 13:38

Well he may love you OP, but he's not in love with you.

Your happiness is not a priority for him, his own is, and you make him happy.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/07/2023 13:43

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 26/07/2023 09:37

This.

Show quote history

Do you think someone you're in a serious relationship should place zero importance on the things that matter to you? If there's something that would make the person you love really happy, would you honestly not do it because CV you just don't want to, even if it there's little personal effort required? It isn't the diamond necklace or the 100 roses or the 26 verse hand written poem she wants, it's acknowledgement that he sees her and hears her, not just shags her and forgets her.

WhatInFreshHell · 26/07/2023 13:45

JadeClade · 25/07/2023 19:58

why is it "serious"? and why are you upset?

Fucking hell 😂😂 This place 😂😂

rainbowstardrops · 26/07/2023 14:02

Honestly, only on MN are there people that question why you're bothered about a significant partner not remembering a significant birthday 🙄

How are things now @Ratonastick?

And happy belated birthday for yesterday 💐

hev126 · 26/07/2023 15:45

Happy belated birthday! Hope you still managed to have a nice day despite this absolute twat of a man!

You sound lively and so strong with good boundaries so I hope you stick to your guns and end it.

One of the best pieces of dating/relationship/advice I ever had was to imagine someone was treating my Dd the same way and to see how I felt about it. Not sure if you have a Dd but I know if a man ever treated my Dd like this, I'd be telling her she deserved better and I'd be hoping she knew her worth

hev126 · 27/07/2023 16:26

What happened @Ratonastick ?

I've been thinking about this post and wondered if he had an excuse or attempted to make it up to you?

Livelifelaughter · 27/07/2023 17:48

rainbowstardrops · 26/07/2023 14:02

Honestly, only on MN are there people that question why you're bothered about a significant partner not remembering a significant birthday 🙄

How are things now @Ratonastick?

And happy belated birthday for yesterday 💐

I know....

Original poster
Ratonastick · 28/07/2023 19:14

A quick update, just because I also loathe threads that don’t get resolved. I received a bouquet the size of a sheep on Wednesday which he tells me is just the start. He is going to try and visit on Thursday/Friday next week, work willing. I’ve settled into cold hard fury rather than upset (and this thread really helped) and our relationship is finished in my mind. However I would prefer to do that in person not by phone so it will have to wait until he gets here. He knows I am pissed off but I don’t think he grasps that it is relationship ending. It’s sad and feels so very unnecessary but it is the right thing to do as he has shown me exactly who he is and I need to listen.

OP posts:
littlebopeepp234 · 28/07/2023 19:19

Ratonastick · 28/07/2023 19:14

A quick update, just because I also loathe threads that don’t get resolved. I received a bouquet the size of a sheep on Wednesday which he tells me is just the start. He is going to try and visit on Thursday/Friday next week, work willing. I’ve settled into cold hard fury rather than upset (and this thread really helped) and our relationship is finished in my mind. However I would prefer to do that in person not by phone so it will have to wait until he gets here. He knows I am pissed off but I don’t think he grasps that it is relationship ending. It’s sad and feels so very unnecessary but it is the right thing to do as he has shown me exactly who he is and I need to listen.

Hi op! Please stay strong! He is being manipulative! He actually sounds narcissistic with the sudden love bombing! The “it’s just the start” shite I’ve heard all before from previous men I’ve being involved in! It’s just a trap to keep you where he wants you that’s all.

If he wanted to make an effort then he would have done so on your actual birthday! Not after you had reminded him about it! His intention was to hurt you! Now he’s playing all sweet and innocent! Don’t fall for it! He will do the same thing over and over again

pikkumyy77 · 28/07/2023 19:46

Thank you for the update OP. I agree with the previous poster and with your intuition that this newfound interest in demonstrating romance is probably deceptive. The two of you are not teenagers who play games or who don’t know how to be caring. If people are loving and caring the show it every day, in large and small ways. This guy is a player—he either didn’t want to waste time/energy/money on you or he chose not to in order to set your expectations low. Don’t fall for it. He can try to redo the birthday but he can’t redo his basic personality.

NotBotheredAnymore · 28/07/2023 19:50

He is going to try and visit on Thursday/Friday next week, work willing.
Please tell me you aren't letting him sleep in your house?

Seriously though he's not even worth a phonecall, nevermind a visit. Send him a text. It's more than he sent you.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 28/07/2023 20:17

Ratonastick · 28/07/2023 19:14

A quick update, just because I also loathe threads that don’t get resolved. I received a bouquet the size of a sheep on Wednesday which he tells me is just the start. He is going to try and visit on Thursday/Friday next week, work willing. I’ve settled into cold hard fury rather than upset (and this thread really helped) and our relationship is finished in my mind. However I would prefer to do that in person not by phone so it will have to wait until he gets here. He knows I am pissed off but I don’t think he grasps that it is relationship ending. It’s sad and feels so very unnecessary but it is the right thing to do as he has shown me exactly who he is and I need to listen.

Stop fucking around and just tell him it's ended. Christ, you're both as bad as each other.

Poppyblush · 28/07/2023 20:23

Just end it. He doesn’t need this in person.

GardeningIdiot · 28/07/2023 20:24

He knows I am pissed off but I don’t think he grasps that it is relationship ending.

Well he won't, if you haven't told him.