He forgot my birthday

[Ratonastick]

It’s my birthday today and it’s a big one. I haven’t really done anything today as I have been doing all sorts at weekends etc, but all my friends remembered. I’ve had lots of parcels and flowers and have generally had a lovely quiet day to myself.

The guy I have been seeing for about a year hasn’t so much as text me. We don’t live together, in fact it’s pretty long distance at the moment though he is planning to relocate to my area next year. He knows it’s today as he was at mine last week and saw me open a card that arrived early. He has a lot on at the moment, but basically he has completely forgotten.

What do I do? Right now I am stewing and wondering whether to text and ask if he has forgotten anything. Or just leave it and see if light dawns over the next few days. I want him to know I am properly upset and for him to realise this is serious. A text would have cost nothing. Booking flowers online after we last saw each other so he didn’t forget would have been easy. He just couldn’t be arsed. He has form for being careless about my feelings, though I don’t doubt that he loves me. I don’t want to give him a get out as this is just crap.

OP

He didn't forget, I would say he actually did it on purpose. When you raise it with him when you next speak / see each other. He will gaslight you and pretend to have absolutely forgotten all about it. Que Faux horror!

Be ready for it!

My ex had form for forgetting important things about me. Only remembered things that he was interested in. He forgot my birthday a couple of times. He never changed, always forgot important days/appointment/events that concerned me. It was depressing, but it's one of the reasons why he's an ex. I promise you he won't change.

Happy birthday OP 🍰. It's totally shit on his part and from personal experience I know full well it really hurts but try not to let it completely ruin your special day. Men are just not worth it!

My suggestion is to not say anything today and wait until you next see him in person to tell him face to face about his monumental fuck up. How he reacts and what he does (not just says) to try to make it up to you will show his true character.

Agree with other pp... it's shit. I bet you wouldn't forget his birthday. Dick.

Happy Birthday 🎂🥳 I would mention it the next time he contacts you, I would also be telling him to do one.

In the mean time, enjoy celebrating your 50th birthday and getting rid of a bloke who is selfish and does not having a caring bone in his body. 🌻

I was thinking this.

However, regardless of whether it's deliberate or he genuinely forgot - does it really matter? Neither would be acceptable to me after a year

He has form for being careless about my feelings, though I don’t doubt that he loves me.

I wouldn't be so sure. He's not doing a very good impression of someone who's in love. Regardless of the reason, (and I don't think he's forgotten, the information has gone in one ear and out the other and been replaced by more interesting and important things to him, or he's sending you a clear signal of the status quo/punishing you for pulling him up last week on his poor communication) I'd be taking this as a clear communication that although he likes little gifts and fusses made of him, he isn't prepared to return the favour and I would sack him off for poor performance. As a salesman he will be familiar with the concept.

Onwards!

Ditch him, what an arse.
Happy birthday to you! 💐

Happy Birthday OP.

Will he not message today just to say hi & see how your day is going? At that point I’d say that you’ve had a wonderful Birthday & see what his response is.

I know men who don’t see Birthdays as big deals and wouldn’t realise that it was upsetting.

So you spoke this morning and he didn’t say happy birthday, ask you how you planned to spend the day, etc?

Bastard. Dump him.

I'm on your side. I don't particularly enjoy birthdays. In actual fact, I dread them as I'm a lone parent to a child with additional needs so I buy myself something and my child doesn't acknowledge it in any way. Nobody offers to mind them in the evening so I can go out and celebrate with my now invisible friends as I have no support with childcare to make friends or maintain friendships anymore. Regardless, I'd be very fucking hurt in your situation, even if I don't particularly enjoy them. It's still a birthday, specifically a 'big' birthday, as you say, even a present ordered online would have been better than nothing. Its easy enough to do nowadays. You deserve better than this and I'd absolutely address it, but not today. Celebrate with those who have acknowledged your special day and want to celebrate with you. Chin up.

P.S. I would also like to acknowledge it. Happy 50th Birthday. I hope you have had a wonderful day (aside from this obviously) :)

Agree.. please don't 🙈

Happy Birthday OP 🎉🎈

Happy birthday 🥳 If you’ve only just ironed out some issues then this was his time to shine, but he hasn’t. He’s either so self centred he’s not given you a second thought or he does know it’s your bday but is setting the tone of the relationship. To be honest it sounds like he’s not actually very serious about you, I think this on top of the other things you have mentioned would probably make me think I’m wasting my time.

I had this! Also with a long distance ex! Totally forgot the first birthday I had when we were together. Then on my 50th, no gift, reminded me he had paid for my dinner the week before and I should be grateful as birthdays are not special days. Then took off home pretty much first thing telling me to enjoy my day!
Left me home alone feeling deflated!
Happy 50th birthday OP! Hope you’ve
binned him and are having a wonderful day!

Firstly, a very happy birthday to you OP.

You say he's in sales, so he'll knows the right words to keep you sweet when you had your chat about him being careless about your feelings, but his actions say otherwise. I couldn't forgive this, particularly when its a big birthday. And he knew - he saw you open the card, he knows its your birthday but couldn't be arsed to make any effort for it.

Don't waste another year on him OP.

Actions speak louder than words. You got neither.....from a salesman no less!

Wow - I'm so very sorry. You deserve so much better and I'm glad your friends have made a proper fuss of you.

Is he normally so forgetful? Or disinterested in things that are going on with you?
It is a big deal. I hope he's horrified and feels like shit when it dawns on him. That's the least he deserves

It's my birthday today too OP! And my husband has been pretty shit (not as shit as this guy but I've felt a bit let down). Hope you enjoyed that champagne, happy birthday!!!!!

You're right to be upset, but you had a big sit down conversation about communication issues. It's the first year. All seems a bit harder than it's meant to be in the early days.

So even tho you know it matters to the person you love, you'd ignore it because you don't celebrate your own birthday?

Id message today and say your hurt to not get so much as a happy birthday. If he apologise/makes amends fair enough. If goes on defensive I'd get rid.

I love the “Thank you for the roses” response above. Bet he’d absolutely take credit for them, the lazy, entitled shit. I would let him bask and then say, “Fuck you, you lying little gnome! There were no fucking roses. Happy Bday to me. I got the gift of insight and you’ve failed utterly. Buh by!”

You don’t doubt he loves you? I mean, he probably likes you a little bit, but is far too lazy to put himself out and make actual effort. Theres no love here.

Bin him.