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Original poster

Now he asked me out? NOW!?

276 replies

UserNROsingle · 25/07/2023 07:20

So I have a old, old friend - we’ve known each other over 15 years, closer to 20 years.
Never has he shown any type of interest in me, strictly platonic, no confussion ever.
Until now, spend the last weekend with him camping. All of sudden he gave a compliment - never done that before.
While packing our stuff on sunday, he asked me if I’d like to go on a date with him, totally out of nowhere.

I’ve been thinking about the whole damn thing ever since and it has made me so sad.
You know what I think the ONLY thing that made this change was?
I’ve lost weight these past year and a half. That’s all. That’s it.
Nothing else has changed, I’ve known him when he has been single/in a relationship.

We are knocking our 40’s FFS!
Are men still THAT shallow at this ripe age?

God, I wish he hadn’t said anything.
I’m so sad now.

OP posts:
GoodNightsSleep · 25/07/2023 13:58

OP you say that you have been friends for many years and for you it has been a purely platonic relationship. Now he is asking you on a date, indicating that he is having some romantic feelings for you, but we don’t know how long he has felt this way. Maybe he did initially see this also as a platonic relationship based on shared interests but that his view of you evolved over the course of your relationship.

This is really not that unusual and it does not make him shallow or predatory. We cannot say that his wishing a more romantic relationship is linked to your weight or not, only you talking to him would clarify this.

PomTiddlyPomPom · 25/07/2023 14:06

Some people seem angry that he has reached an age that he might want to settle down and find a wife.
I don't understand why he would be so wrong to consider OP since they have been friends for so long - they clearly get on!
Whether or not it is related to OP's weight loss or not, only he knows that!
I don't think he has done a terrible thing asking her out, I assume as she has said no he will respect her decision but if I were the OP I would be asking him what kick started his sudden change of feelings and going from there if I wanted to.

SlideandPolka · 25/07/2023 14:15

Janieforever · 25/07/2023 13:51

You also seem overly focused on what you look like naked. And have repeatedly posted about how you cover loose skin with clothes. This with your anger indicates this is about you and your feelings about your body, your fear of getting intimate rather than this guy is in the wrong.

Yes, I think that’s part of the mix of what may be fuelling the OP’s anger. It feels a bit like ‘HOW FUCKING DARE YOU MAKE ME HAVE TO THINK OF MYSELF AS A SEXUAL PERSON?’

I actually get it. I think it would be frightening. And I am, myself, the queen of turning fear into anger…

QueefQueen80s · 25/07/2023 14:16

TheMossEnthusiast · 25/07/2023 13:52

I think you're being overly harsh here. He's clearly always enjoyed your company and now you've started to become sexually appealing to him as well as emotionally and socially so.
This is totally normal and I wonder if he doesn't deserve the lambasting you're giving him here.

Because she doesn't want to be deemed sexually appealing only when she's slim, and any men who does that isn't for her.

TheMossEnthusiast · 25/07/2023 14:19

QueefQueen80s · 25/07/2023 14:16

Because she doesn't want to be deemed sexually appealing only when she's slim, and any men who does that isn't for her.

Show quote history

Which is totally fine, but that isn't something she should begrudge the man for to the extent that she is.

SlideandPolka · 25/07/2023 14:21

QueefQueen80s · 25/07/2023 14:16

Because she doesn't want to be deemed sexually appealing only when she's slim, and any men who does that isn't for her.

Show quote history

But that’s not in her control. How other perceive her is not something she gets to manage.

And as she doesn’t seem to have ever considered this man in a sexual light, anyway, surely he’s not for her under any circumstances?

C1N1C · 25/07/2023 14:26

Sounds like you're determined to see this negatively.

Poor guy.

He took a chance and you shot him down because you assumed it was all about looks. Maybe it just took him this long to build the confidence, maybe it was your newfound confidence, maybe it was actually something you said... way to assume the worst!

Now you've probably lost a friendship too.

Original poster
UserNROsingle · 25/07/2023 15:04

I ’shot him down’, what an odd way to put it, he’s not engitled to a date/sex/relationship with me, necause I see him as a friend, don’t care for anything wlse.

His not a ’poor guy’, I’m not being negative and no one waits for 20 years - no one.
And even if he did, he then could have waited another year or two, and not ask immediately after I lost some weight, no one is this naive and make it in life.

OP posts:
Inkpotlover · 25/07/2023 15:09

UserNROsingle · 25/07/2023 15:04

I ’shot him down’, what an odd way to put it, he’s not engitled to a date/sex/relationship with me, necause I see him as a friend, don’t care for anything wlse.

His not a ’poor guy’, I’m not being negative and no one waits for 20 years - no one.
And even if he did, he then could have waited another year or two, and not ask immediately after I lost some weight, no one is this naive and make it in life.

Well said, OP. I find it astonishing how many PP think you should go out with him just because you are friends, like it gives him some entitlement over you or first dibs. Such bizarre thinking.

Janieforever · 25/07/2023 15:09

How much weight did you loose op?

Janieforever · 25/07/2023 15:10

Inkpotlover · 25/07/2023 15:09

Well said, OP. I find it astonishing how many PP think you should go out with him just because you are friends, like it gives him some entitlement over you or first dibs. Such bizarre thinking.

Show quote history

Astonishing as in no one thinks that, as not one person has said she should.

GreyCarpet · 25/07/2023 15:24

Janieforever · 25/07/2023 15:10

Astonishing as in no one thinks that, as not one person has said she should.

Show quote history

Yep. Unless I've missed a post, absolutely no one has suggested she should go out with him!

guineacup · 25/07/2023 15:33

@Inkpotlover

Well said, OP. I find it astonishing how many PP think you should go out with him just because you are friends, like it gives him some entitlement over you or first dibs. Such bizarre thinking.

Astonishing and bizarre that you think people have said this!

itsmylife7 · 25/07/2023 15:38

Is the friendship over now ?

guineacup · 25/07/2023 15:44

UserNROsingle · 25/07/2023 15:04

I ’shot him down’, what an odd way to put it, he’s not engitled to a date/sex/relationship with me, necause I see him as a friend, don’t care for anything wlse.

His not a ’poor guy’, I’m not being negative and no one waits for 20 years - no one.
And even if he did, he then could have waited another year or two, and not ask immediately after I lost some weight, no one is this naive and make it in life.

I can't believe you seriously think that if he liked you, he should wait 1 or 2 years before he asked you out to confirm that he didn't like you just because you had lost weight!

I can only assume by the bitter undertones to your messages that you have some very serious issues or baggage with romantic relationships in general.

It seems that you don't find yourself physically attractive, and have dealt this by judging those that find physical characteristics attractive as shallow and morally deficient for doing so.

ClawedButler · 25/07/2023 15:54

You're not a mind-reader. You're assuming you know what he's thinking, and appear to be annoyed with him for what YOU think he's saying.

You're projecting your own baggage onto him.

Seeing as you're both nearly 40, could you not have an adult conversation about this, rather than assuming he's an abject arsehole for things he hasn't even said?

Original poster
UserNROsingle · 25/07/2023 16:02

I can't believe you seriously think that if he liked you, he should wait 1 or 2 years before he asked you out to confirm that he didn't like you just because you had lost weight!

Why not? So many here seemt to believe he’s had feeling for me for a long time (I do not believe this myself) what a few more years?

I can only assume by the bitter undertones to your messages that you have some very serious issues or baggage with romantic relationships in general.

Bitter, very serious issues, baggage?
For what?
For not jumping up and down of glee for simply man asking me out.
Don’t be silly. Or if you are, don’t think I am.

There are somw seriously odd comment and views here now.
Seems quite misogynystic.

OP posts:
Opentooffers · 25/07/2023 16:20

The only thing that counts is could you or have you ever honestly felt there could be anything more with him? If not, he's totally misread things at the detriment of a friendship. You seem to be most pissed by it potentially being the weight loss, so if that was not a factor, would you have considered it or would it still have been a firm no? Either you like him that way or you don't, regardless of his reasons.In which case by all means be upset about the loss of a friendship, but the weight factor is minor in comparison to loss surely.

monsteramunch · 25/07/2023 16:42

@Inkpotlover

Well said, OP. I find it astonishing how many PP think you should go out with him just because you are friends, like it gives him some entitlement over you or first dibs. Such bizarre thinking.

Eh?! Who has said that?

TheoTheopolis23 · 25/07/2023 16:53

no one waits for 20 years - no one.

Exactly.

Op, I honestly don't know how you've kept your patience with some of the posters on this thread.

It's a credit to you

I think the BS and crazyness level has been off the scale, even for MN.

TheoTheopolis23 · 25/07/2023 16:55

UserNROsingle · 25/07/2023 16:02

I can't believe you seriously think that if he liked you, he should wait 1 or 2 years before he asked you out to confirm that he didn't like you just because you had lost weight!

Why not? So many here seemt to believe he’s had feeling for me for a long time (I do not believe this myself) what a few more years?

I can only assume by the bitter undertones to your messages that you have some very serious issues or baggage with romantic relationships in general.

Bitter, very serious issues, baggage?
For what?
For not jumping up and down of glee for simply man asking me out.
Don’t be silly. Or if you are, don’t think I am.

There are somw seriously odd comment and views here now.
Seems quite misogynystic.

Guineacups posts are always "interesting" op

You know those posters whose name is recognisable quite quickly, for the wrong reasons.

Pay no heed. You're clearly sensible enough not to anyway.

And by fuck there has been some offensive shit on this thread.

TheoTheopolis23 · 25/07/2023 16:58

GoodNightsSleep · 25/07/2023 13:58

OP you say that you have been friends for many years and for you it has been a purely platonic relationship. Now he is asking you on a date, indicating that he is having some romantic feelings for you, but we don’t know how long he has felt this way. Maybe he did initially see this also as a platonic relationship based on shared interests but that his view of you evolved over the course of your relationship.

This is really not that unusual and it does not make him shallow or predatory. We cannot say that his wishing a more romantic relationship is linked to your weight or not, only you talking to him would clarify this.

Och he's the slowest burn person in the history of the world.and all those camping trips together offered him no opportunities either, for two fkg decades.

Lol

TheoTheopolis23 · 25/07/2023 16:59

Meanwhile he was presumably dating, asking out and having relationships with other women ... Cause he's just so slow burn.

Janieforever · 25/07/2023 17:15

Op. I think how much weight you lost is really important here. Not finding you his type say if you were morbidly obese is one thing, dropping a dress size or two is another. The fact you have loose skin from it maybe indicates it was significant.

your other threads are easily findable so folks can choose to read that or not, but I’d ask if there is something in your anger about him not asking you out when you were much heavier. And also when you say 20 years maybe irs best to qualify that includes a time as children together .

QueefQueen80s · 25/07/2023 17:17

@guineacup Yeah I always notice their posts for the wrong reason too..