My partner just slapped me

[yvonneb13]

I'm in shock maybe disbelief I'm a little drunk after being at a festival and my partner phoned me to say our little boy wasn't settling I said I'd get the bus home which I thought was 9pm turns out it was 9;15 so I got home late he went absolutely mental doesn't want to be with me anymore called me so many names and then slapped me across the face and saying if I don't get out his way he's going to batter me I've been with this man for 13 years and this is the first time ever I've seen this side of him I'm currently crying in the living room and he's in the bedroom and I'm just in shock I'm gonna leave him I never thought in a million years he's ever hurt me and hear I am with a sore cheek that's all red it's not fair because I never go out in always the one who looks after the baby and the one night I don't rush to be home when he said I get this I honestly can't believe it

He's got MH problems hasn't he? And you really aren't safe. If he's done it once and gets away with it, he'll do it again.

So he is left looking after his own child whilst you are out. He can’t do it, so calls you and you come home. Then he hits you.
Please get things in order today so you can leave or he leaves. As others have said, there are people that you can ring.
I don’t know if he will apologise, but please don’t accept him back - this will only escalate and put you and dc at further risk.
Are you able to take a photo of where he hit you? Not for mumsnet, but for a record for the police.

Yes to this - controlling and abusive. The physical abuse will only get worse now he's done it once.

OP so sorry you've gone through this you need to deal with this now and stop putting it off until later

1. call ur gp to document what's happened so there's evidence of the abuse. You'll find this useful later if you decide to pursue it as evidence of his behaviour.
2. depending of housing situation get a non molestation order against him and kick him out with the police present so you need to call them and report this again as evidence for later when you deal with child custody stuff.

And it's 13 years yes and you'll be saying should I throw it away for one slap. Answer is yes. Because today its a slap. Tommorrow its something else and then the day after it'll be your kid and before you know it your truly wish life was over.

Get out. Or chuck him out. If he wants back in he can do it after therapy or showing he's changed via anger management help etc.

Its not out of character. This is simply the first time she has left him alone with the baby while she does something for herself. By her own admission he does as he pleases.

"is he depressed"?! Do me a favour. Hes a coward, an immature bully, a selfish prick, who was asked to do ONE THING for his partner and couldnt even do that without having a tantrum and HITTING her

Ive known many depressed people and they do not resort to violence

Still no word and he's not came back yet I have packed stuff in a suitcase but is it bad I want to see what has to say for himself before I leave?

Oh god… and so it begins

I dont think you should leave. Get the locks changed as a matter of urgency. It's your home and your baby's. You shouldnt be the one on the hop. Your baby needs routine and you need their things and that space. Let him couch surf

It doesn't matter what he says does it? Nothing can take away from what he did and you'll never feel safe again.

I grew up in a house with domestic violence and it still affects me to this day.

Please leave. Don't let your child suffer the way I and my siblings did. We're all messed up. 😔

Just horrific, how dare he.

Yvonneb13, its not worth waiting to hear it. Don't you think if he was regretful, shocked, something decent or human, that he would have contacted you by now to find out how you and baby are and to apologise? Its been more than 12 hours since he assaulted you and he is not bothering to find out how you are or where you are.
Why sit waiting at home and make it easier for him?

It's not "bad" but it's not wise. It's not safe. And it's not worth it. You've got your safety to think of, and the safety of your baby. A tit for tat argument with an abusive piece of shit is worth NOTHING compared to you and your baby's safety. The moment of leaving an abusive partner is the most dangerous. Just get out, lovey. Get out, make yourself safe and don't look back.

You can hear what he has to say over the phone
If you wait for him you're showing him he's basically got away with it because obviously then you'll talk and probably stay, and it will escalate and just get harder
Just leave now honestly, don't waste years of your life living in hell x

There is nothing he can say to excuse his behaviour. I agree with PP and would say that you and your baby are at high risk now. Why are you waiting for him? Why do you want the argument? Why expose your baby to a fight and more domestic violence? If you have somewhere safe to go then go. Report him to the police and move on with your life. You aren’t safe staying where you are and neither is your baby.

Do you have any burly friends/relatives who can be with you OP? I would be wary of confronting him alone given his behaviour.

When did humanity become so stupid? Please read all the other comments to explain to you why what you have decided is a very bad idea!

Im not sure what he's going to say that could excuse hassling you back early from a festival (which sounds like a rare night out for you, while he goes out on his own regularly), avd then assaulting you (call a spade a spade, if a stranger slapped you in the face it would considered an assault) because you got back a little bit later than expected.

You probably misread the timetable because you were rushed, hassled & stressed, you had drunk a little bit (entirely normal for a night out), and ateotd it's easy to mis read timetables at the best of times.

But that 25/30 mins shouldn't have mattered one iota.

Was your child even awake/unsettled when you got back?

Please go to the police station and get this documented

Yes. It is bad. I understand the need for answers, but you won't get honest ones from him. If you try to do this he gaslight you, deny it, or blame it all on you. Then things will escalate again.

Hindsight is wonderful, but you should have called the police last night. He's done it once and he will absolutely do it again if you stay. The best thing you can do right now is call the police or womens aid and follow their advice.

It’s natural to want to hear what he has to say, but really, that’s only because you want to believe it didn’t happen and he’s not really this man who hit you. Men who do this are often good at saying the right things to make you feel like they didn’t mean it or it was somehow your fault, which then means you stay for the next time. It’s all part of a pattern of control. Think about it - next time you want to go to a festival will you? Whatever he says when he comes back, will you honestly feel safe and relaxed going out and leaving him alone with your baby? The answer surely is no, and that’s the whole point- to limit you and what you can do in the world. Please honestly, get out now while you can and protect both yourself and your child.

One day he may attack your baby and then you will regret you didn’t put an end to it today.
Please, report to police and start a new life.

@yvonneb13 what could he possibly say to justify what he’s done? Why are you the one waiting for him to come back to hear him out. He should be literally begging for forgiveness which still shouldn’t be enough for you to consider staying with him. It’s starting already, you backing down, and he has disappeared as he is punishing you and knows how to play you. I can imagine you will be so grateful when he finally comes back that you will probably be the one ending up apologising. You have a baby to think of here, you need to put steps in place to protect your child and that also means protecting you. You left your baby one night with him, one night and this happens! It goes to show you have probably never really made him do anything until now. He can’t adult, he can’t parent, and he’s proven that by how he’s reacted. Very worrying.

Yvonneb13, I understand that you want to hear his version because the harsh truth is shocking and very painful and hard to accept. But he could have called you by now - trying to explain, pleading for forgiveness - and he hasn't. So...either he is expecting you to have left (like he told you to) by the time he gets back, or he knows you won't and therefore he can do it again. Its not a safe situation for you and your child.

What if he is still angry when he gets back? What if you miss your chance to leave quietly and safely by waiting for him today?

In short, theres nothing he can say to excuse his behaviour.

You'll get plenty of poor me bullshit and twisted blame though.

If he didn't go out so regularly and leave you caring for the child on your own, he'd Aalso be better and more accostumed to looking after them on his own and settling them. So this is a problem of his own making.

He sounds like a shit father. Can't even look after his own child and settle then for one evening.

Assaults their mum because she got back a v short time after she thought she would ....when she shouldn't have to have come back at all.

I also think it's not just about him being inpatient and intolerant looking after & settling his child; I agree with others that it was likely to be about selfishness, jealousy and controlling stuff; where he's allowed out and had to be trusted but you're not.

You'll never change a man who thinks like that. He's sexist, unfair, controlling and doesn't want an equal, decent relationship. He wants his freedom and you under the thumb.