My partner just slapped me

[yvonneb13]

I'm in shock maybe disbelief I'm a little drunk after being at a festival and my partner phoned me to say our little boy wasn't settling I said I'd get the bus home which I thought was 9pm turns out it was 9;15 so I got home late he went absolutely mental doesn't want to be with me anymore called me so many names and then slapped me across the face and saying if I don't get out his way he's going to batter me I've been with this man for 13 years and this is the first time ever I've seen this side of him I'm currently crying in the living room and he's in the bedroom and I'm just in shock I'm gonna leave him I never thought in a million years he's ever hurt me and hear I am with a sore cheek that's all red it's not fair because I never go out in always the one who looks after the baby and the one night I don't rush to be home when he said I get this I honestly can't believe it

No. Where did you get that from? No one should ever have to put up with violence in a relationship. I’ve been with my caring husband for 12 years and if he hit me I would be out the door - but I would also wonder what the hell had changed to make him do this. It’s a fair question since in the initial post she said that in 12 years he had never behaved like this. If it was the other way around people would question her MH after having a baby, it’s important to ask about men too

Many of us say that at first.

It’s only after therapy or talking to other people that you realise there was plenty abuse, just in a different form.

From you!! It was less than 12 hours ago!

"Can you stay somewhere else and insist if there is any chance of you working on the relationship he has to firstly, never lay a finger on you again and secondly, get help"

Firstly, the statistics for women killing their partners are miniscule in comparison to that of men.

And based on ops circumstances I'd still be saying who gives a fuck WHY in these circumstances. Irregardless of gender.

Think you need to calm down a bit. Asking a question about mental health isn’t making excuses for anyone . Are you ok? I can see this has been very triggering for you and I apologise if you feel my question was making excuses for violence in relationships, because it’s not l!

Oh do men have hormones flooding their bodies post patrum now ? They really are getting involved these days arent they, they be contracting next 🙄

You can't pretend you didn't say it. Sorry.

And no it's not triggering for me, unless that's what you call being annoyed when someone suggests a poster gives an abusive man another chance. I can be angry with an asinine comment just because it's asinine.

Next time it could be the death of her. I don't care if it's because he should have been treated for depression or is just a murdering arsehole and neither would her family. If he hits, you walk.

But also sadly the statistics for men killing themselves are massive compared to women. No one asks about a mans mental health
, ever! The fact I’ve even brought it up has caused so much anger here. No one is saying is an excuse but if in 13 years (in the initial post) he’s never been like this - it’s a fair question to ask what’s going on

Post natal depression affects men too. It doesn’t excuse what he did if this is the case!

So what are you saying? How does this affect what the OP should do? She should what - still leave but not call him mean words?

It's a fair question for him to ask HIMSELF whats going on.

It has no relevance to the op whatsoever.

Please go to the police. His showing no remorse when he saw you and that you are off with your baby is a big red flag! Please report so that if anything further happens they have a log of this first event.

It is never okay to make any excuses for a partner to strike another partner.

Oh does it hell as like. Just another load of excuses by the menz for piss poor behaviour when their partners need them most.

Listen to mumsnetters. Report this.

First things first, call the police! If he has hit you once, he will hit you again! Secondly, pack your stuff, take your child and stay with a family member. This is not someone who you should spend another moment with. Good luck to you X

Little update he's tried to phone me and my mum we've not answered currently waiting on pizza getting delivered I appreciate every single one of you and I think I'm gonna go to the police tomorrow

Let your lovely mum look after you and guide you. The stress of the situation may mean you cannot see the wood from the trees, so let your mum help. She will have your best interests at heart. Let her do her job.

Also rest and try and meditate. You may never have done it before but hey give it a go! Lots of helpful apps and YouTube videos. Yoga can also help for stress. Both have really helped me. You also recommend the book love yourself like your life depends on it. You may feel daft doing it but it really works. Take care op. I wish you the best.

@yvonneb13 you should definitely report it to the police even if it’s just for recording purposes. As others have said, down the line it could get messy and he could start saying all sorts about you so logging incidents such as this may help you in future. Glad you have got your mum with you, hopefully you can stay with your mum as long as you can. By the sounds of it, there were many things you have overlooked in the relationship but hopefully this time away from him will make you see clearer and realise he wasn’t a very good partner even before the hitting. Well done for going to your mums and staying away as I can imagine he didn’t expect that.

What about the menz, think of the menz!!

Whataboutery in a thread about male dinestuc violence is really inappropriate.

Start a thread about male suicide if you want to discuss it.

I'm also not sure why the subject of male suicide and male domestic violence against women is being conflated by you.

The Handmaiden's Tales.

Post natal depression is mostly caused by female hormonal shifts .... Men silly cannot get true post natal depression.

Maybe they get depressed due to the change in circumstances, the pressure and sleep deprivation.

Doesn't sound like this man would be suffering much sleep deprivation though ... Given he chooses to go out regularly and apparently leaves op to the childcare. So much so she can't go out one evening without this coerced return and then assault.

If even he is depressed..... Loads and loads of people who are depressed don't hit their partners. He's someone who does, bottom loige.

Funny, isn't it, that when I pointed out this poster had said OP should work on the relationship if he is depressed, that the response (when caught out) was to tell me to "calm down". Straight out of the abusive partner playbook.

but if in 13 years (in the initial post) he’s never been like this - it’s a fair question to ask what’s going on

What's going on is that they now have a baby/young child and he's been expected to take on some responsibility and do some childcare; which he clearly has made sure is op's remit ..... And for once op was the one going off, and he was the one left at home trying to settle a young child.