My partner just slapped me

[yvonneb13]

I'm in shock maybe disbelief I'm a little drunk after being at a festival and my partner phoned me to say our little boy wasn't settling I said I'd get the bus home which I thought was 9pm turns out it was 9;15 so I got home late he went absolutely mental doesn't want to be with me anymore called me so many names and then slapped me across the face and saying if I don't get out his way he's going to batter me I've been with this man for 13 years and this is the first time ever I've seen this side of him I'm currently crying in the living room and he's in the bedroom and I'm just in shock I'm gonna leave him I never thought in a million years he's ever hurt me and hear I am with a sore cheek that's all red it's not fair because I never go out in always the one who looks after the baby and the one night I don't rush to be home when he said I get this I honestly can't believe it

You haven't wasted your life - you have your beautiful baby. And you have lots of life yet to live, and to enjoy. It would only have been a wasted life if you had stayed with him.
There must be so many things you didn't do because of your ex, now you can start doing them. You just need to give yourself some time to get over this.

You haven't wasted that time, lovey. You have been with him for 13 years, yes, but during that time you did other things, too. You had experiences, you've grown as a person, you've become a mother to your baby. I understand why you feel you've wasted that time, but you really haven't. He doesn't define you or your life.

You’re so young, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you and a beautiful baby.

He’s a bloody fool not you

If ever you need to go back to pick up more stuff, make sure you are with someone. My close relative of mine went to their house and he assaulted her, so please be warned to make sure that when you are with him, you are not alone. Sorry dont mean to scare, but just because hes only done this the once he can do it again.

I'm glad you're with your DM
You've had a huge shock. You did nothing wrong.. He did everything wrong and by leaving you don't give him the chance to do it again.
You have not wasted 13 years, you've had a lasting relationship which he blew up because he had to look after his own baby!
You will look back in time and be glad you left and gradually you'll plan a better life for you and DC

Give it a few months and you will look back on this day as being the most positive day of your life as you will always feel safe.

Being with him isn't safe and you'll be glad to of got rid. Go to police inform social services and make sure he can't be unsupervised with your child

I'm sitting in mums with a cup of tea but I'm just so so so upset I feel completely broken I honestly don't know how I'm gonna get over this

You don't know how you'll get over it, and yet my love, you will.

I hope your mum is helping you!

We're all rooting for you here 💐

You will get there OP I promise you. It takes time. The hurt, the pain, the disbelief, the grief but you will come out the other side, I can guarantee you that. Big hugs xx

You’ve done the right thing, get yourself some breathing space. How dare he do that to you, you do not have to put up with that. Space to breathe and then make a plan to move forwards where you can be safe, away from him. What does your mum say?

Mum is absolutely furious had to stop her from actually going to the door to probs try and attack him tbh she wants to go to police she's helping me a lot. She's known him since we were kids to so she was shocked as she never thought anything like this would happen.

Hi OP, I've kept my NC so you can see my post.
Around 6 weeks ago, I left my ex partner with the clothes on my back, whatever I could grab for my three kids.

I stayed at parents for a couple days and women's aid arranged a place in a refuge for us
I have bad nights, I cry but it's the best decision I ever made.

You can do this.
I wanted to leave for years and never had the strength.
Women's Aid is a great organisation and they will be able to help you.
Refuge seems scary but the people are lovely and we have our own flat! It's hard but we're happy and not living in fear anymore

I think you're amazing, I wish I'd had your strangth the first time my ex hit me, or even the second or the third. I didn't and there was a fourth, fifth and sixth. It's utterly heartbreaking but you have done the right thing and so quick, if I were your mum (and I'm probably old enough to be) I'd be so fucking proud of you!

I suspect that he checked out mentally some time ago so for now will be glad you've gone. He's feeling fancy free again

Your mother's right about going to the police. I think you should let her do that, and go with her too.

I'm glad you are out. Now don't be tempted to go back. I hope you and your baby are OK. Speak to Women's Aid too, with a view to getting help on staying safe and maybe getting accommodation in a refuge, as I assume he knows where your mum lives.

No doubt he'll call you at some point and start trying to reel you back in. Don't let that happen. Block him if necessary.

The best thing I did when my ex hit me was immediately go to the police, in all honestly it stops you second guessing yourself or minimising it. It also gives him a clear message that any kind of violence is unacceptable and you won't, under any circumstances brush it under the carpet. It also (and this is the most important thing), it puts a flag on you and your dc, so if anything happens in the future the police will already be aware, should he kick off again, or decide he wants custody of the children etc.

This.

Please talk to the police today OP.

Listen to your mother. Report to police.

Your mum is right about going to the police. File a report. Tell them you had to leave the house with the baby because he came back.

You definitely need to report it to the police you may need it as evidence later.

You haven’t wasted your life - you’re only 29!

Definitely report this to the police and never - under any circumstances - go back to this man.

This is all good advice but there should NEVER be an “again”.

OP has to leave for good.

I can only speak from the perspective of a child who was caught up in a violent marriage and the effects are devastating and lifelong.

Please go to the police. Else you are 6 months down the line he is wanting full custody or 50/50 and a judge will be asking why if you were so scared / it actually happened you didn’t go to the police.

I did - bruised arm and thank god I did. It has made my life easier in court.

this is not on you - this is him. Often men can’t carry on and as others have said it will escalated. Protect the baby first - this means a police report. See a gp and photo any bruising etc and screen shot all messages to your mum etc

well done for walking away. Why did he do it? He’s an abuser. End of .

you will survive, you are strong and you will recover.

OP, please report to the police.

For yourself and your child.

This is not a good man.

It reads as if you have been doing everything and the one time you weren't there to do it, he snapped.

This is not a man to spend your future with.

Think not of the past wasted, but your future saved.

You are so young, with a great future ahead of you.

You are so brave.

How many women live awful lives where they bitterly regret not leaving at the first shove or slap?

Not you.

You should be so proud of yourself.

Let him see he underestimated you.

Report this assault to the police.

You can do this.

You are stronger than you realise.

Be strong. Remember he's down or once who is to say he won't do it again.

I would ask to stay at Mums and I'd tell his parents why we split.