My partner just slapped me

[yvonneb13]

I'm in shock maybe disbelief I'm a little drunk after being at a festival and my partner phoned me to say our little boy wasn't settling I said I'd get the bus home which I thought was 9pm turns out it was 9;15 so I got home late he went absolutely mental doesn't want to be with me anymore called me so many names and then slapped me across the face and saying if I don't get out his way he's going to batter me I've been with this man for 13 years and this is the first time ever I've seen this side of him I'm currently crying in the living room and he's in the bedroom and I'm just in shock I'm gonna leave him I never thought in a million years he's ever hurt me and hear I am with a sore cheek that's all red it's not fair because I never go out in always the one who looks after the baby and the one night I don't rush to be home when he said I get this I honestly can't believe it

You need to report his because it will help you later when he starts calling you an unfit mother in the inevitable child contact war. or saying he will have 50/50 so he doesn't have to contribute financially.
If you have reported him for this agression, (YES, this is the correct word) it will not look good in front of a judge.
you are thinking, It was only a slap, but what if it was a fist? or hands round your throat, or a shove at the top of the stairs....
You know there is no excuse.
Call the police & report, call a locksmith & change the locks, send him a text saying your things are in a bag on the doorstep,
Be strong, this is domestic abuse.

Stay safe - both you and your baby. I would not be in the same house as him after that. I would remove myself ASAP. If you do that, you will have a little space away from him to process what has happened, which doesn't sound good to me by any means. So sorry for you. MASSIVE red flag, massive.

You don’t need to talk to him op. The slap said everything you need to know. Change the locks and report with the police.

To stay there to 'hear him out' is to put your child in danger OP.

You need to put your child's safety above everything else. And that means putting your safety above 'hearing out' the man who assaulted you.

He's not even remorseful, he's ignoring you. Not that remorse would make it acceptable, I'm just making the point that while you're sitting in the home he assaulted you in (with your vulnerable baby) waiting for him to return at a time of his choice, he's cracking on with his day.

It's time to make a definitive decision. He is not a safe person to be around. For you or your baby. This is going to sound harsh but if you don't report this to the police today, you aren't acting in your child's best interests.

It's not "bad" that you want to wait for him to come back and see what he has to say, but it will be the point you look back on in future and wish you hadn't.

It will be you turning towards the situation instead of turning your back on it for your DC sake and getting you both away.

It will be the bit where he makes you wait just long enough so you've had plenty of time to doubt what happened, question your own sanity and begin to feel it must be your fault that he hit you. Because he did hit you, and it was not your fault. You did not "deserve it".

It will be the part in the story where he comes back, minimises it, gives some shitty excuse, tells you that it wont happen again, he may even turn up with a shitty bunch of flowers from the petrol station.

It will be the time you look back on in future after yet another episode of violence, possibly in front of your DC and wonder why you didn't run the first time it happened.

Do it for your DC, if you can't do it for yourself, there is no happy ending with him.

Dear OP I'm so sorry you've been through this. You've had excellent advice from Mumsnetters that it ends here. There is nothing he can say that excuses his extreme controlling and sexist behaviour and his violence to you when you had the temerity to go out one evening.

I'm sure anything he has to say will be to justify himself or gaslight you. It will be your fault - you made him do it.

Instead you need to do what's right for you and your baby's safety and get out of the situation and find some support - and do not be dissuaded from this course of action. His violence is the final result of his misogyny:

• he thinks he has the right to go out whenever he wants and for however long, and that you do not have that right. -he thinks he should not have to look after his baby - you should. -he thinks that you have to be summoned home if you do go out and that its okay to slap you because he cannot and will not look after his child.

Absolutely none of this is okay and it never will be.

You havent wasted 13 years on him, you are now wasting 13 years and a day. How many more days? He hit you last night, what are you waiting for? What do you think you will gain from speaking to him?

You either need to leave or make it clear to him he can not return. And you need to log this with the police, if not for yourself for your childs safety.

Come on, OP. It doesn't matter what he says. The stuff about never "letting" you go out and not lifting a finger is enough to want to leave, never mind the slap.

Do you not value your safety? I don’t understand what you want to hear from a wife beater/ woman assaulter?!

Please don't be tempted to do this. For whatever reason, he has suddenly crossed a line after 13 years of non violence, to violence and a threat of further violence. There is no way of knowing what triggered it or what his state of mind is. It would be highly risky to be in the house with a suitcase packed to confront him. Just go. There will be time to speak to him later from a place of safety if that's what you want to do.

There is nothing he has to say that will resolve this relationship. You need to leave.

As did I. It takes a life time to even comprehend your formative years if this is your normal.

Sending you love.

That's awful, I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I hope you are ok x

I like other posters grew up in DV.

I have a ama on it somewhere in the ama section, my father wasn't violent until I was born.
What escalated was something so atrocious at almost 40 years of age I still have night terrors and sleep paralysis nightly, even after he is long dead.

Don't let your child become as damaged as the previous posters who had the same upbringing, or I am.

One day it's a slap, the next it's a punch, then it's kicked down the stairs, then you're possibly in the "2 women a week killed by partner" statistic.

I beg you, as a stranger on the Internet, leave. Be safe. Log everything with the police.

You did the right thing telling Internet friends whats happened, continue the correct path of action by listening to advice from those who know.

Always document with the police. Never ever take him back.

Guy is a total psycho.

I'd be terrified he would come back.

There's nothing a person can say to justify assaulting you and threatening you further harm.
He belongs in jail. With all the other psychopaths.

He came back no apologies just looked at me and walked back in room I'm currently waiting on getting picked by my mum I'm absolutely broken

Not sure you should do that. Either ring the police or leave if you have any thought for your children, his behaviour is not predictable so you cannot predict his response. How many women stay & end up dead? Ring women’s aid, ask for support from family & friends do not keep this secret.

Is your mum going to be there very soon?

Well done for leaving, sweetheart. You're doing fantastic. Can you wait outside? Don't engage with him at all.

Just keep walking

I understand why you want to hear what he has to say so no it's not 'bad' but I think it's pointless. You've spent 13 years with this person and you are in a state of shock about what he has done, you're waiting for him to use some magic words to heel the pain he has caused but instead he has gone AWOL.

He really doesn't care, it seems to me he's prioritised disappearing to feel sorry for himself rather than make sure you are OK.

I'm wondering why you never go out and why you do all the childcare? Is that a choice or does he make it difficult for you to have a life outside the home?

I do hope you leave rather than give him another chance. He will almost certainly do this to you again.

I hope once your Mum has picked you up and you are out of the house, you report this to the Police. You may need that evidence further down the road, that you at least reported him

So feel for you, but you are doing the right thing for you and your children

Another woman here who has been assaulted by men. Leave him. Even if he never did it again the fear will always be there, you'll spend the rest of your life walking on eggshells so not to upset him because of the fear of him assaulting you. You are doing the right thing for you and your baby by leaving him. Keep going and don't look back xx

People pls be more understanding and have a bit more empathy for this lady. It took me years and years to walk away from my incredibly abusive parents. This kind of abuse leaves you feeling it is YOUR fault...thats why its so damn hard to leave. There is HUGE cognitive dissonance at play

This! That paper trail is so important, OP. Don't let him get away with this undocumented. You are worth so much more than being treated like this, as is your precious baby.

• I said children above - I meant child!