...he'll be so grateful to have a naked woman in front of him, he won't care what you look like..."

[AlwaysAPleasure]

Why is this so often shared as a 'supportive' comment on here?

It's not true and I don't see how it can bolster anyone's confidence!

Someone posts it everytime a thread is started by someone who is insecure about their looks or body. It's just a crappy comment.

That's all. I was just thinking about it today and wondered why people say it.

I think they're onto something tbh. Men don't notice our 'flaws' like we do. I hate the stretch marks on my thighs, I genuinely don't think my dp noticed until I pointed them out. And they definitely don't appear to put him off.

I have no idea why people say this!
I have never been so grateful to be with a man that I wouldn't care what his body looks like.
I think it's meant to be comforting but most of us have things we would dislike about someone's body. It's normal or we would all shag anything with a pulse!

I don’t think I’ve ever said this, but it is generally what my husband says to me and I’ve never been offended or whatnot. Might be why some posters say it.

I do think men are used to what ‘real life’ women look like, and find them attractive.
You don’t need to be a vogue model to get laid.
just like I don’t really notice my DH has put on weight and is losing his hair, I find HIM attractive. I think that’s what people are getting at.

i just got false eyelashes applied, DH looked me dead in the fAce and said “I’d something different…hmm no must just be the light”

it’s been 3 days and he still hasn’t realised.

Men just don’t see things like we do and I think primal instincts take over. So I agree.

I think if a bloke fancies you enough to get into the bedroom, the chances he'll be so repulsed on seeing your body that he'll leg it from the room screaming is small, but I suppose, never non-existent.

What is a good way to be supportive about someone's insecurities online, tho? We can't argue someone out of it, and we can't see them to credibly reassure them about whatever it is specifically if it is overblown in their minds.

Tbf I cannot believe teenage me used to think I had to shave every time I had sex. Id have to look like a yeti for DP to notice, especially if he hasn't got his glasses on 😂

It's always been the same.

When I was young people/men used to say - I don't look at the mantlepiece when I'm poking the fire.

Whilst it's not true that most men (or women) will shag anything that moves; if they fancy you clothed then it is very likely the won't stop fancying you naked. Dirty or smelly being exceptions

Yeah I don’t like this comment either.

I want the person I’m with to be attracted to me in a wanting way, not just seen as an end goal if that makes sense.

I would imagine it's true for some men who find it hard to attract women. For those who are attractive enough to have options, then I imagine it isn't. I have heard men joke about having a shock when a woman took her clothes off, but always in the context of drunken ONS, and always when the men were nasty misogynists (obviously!).
I imagine in the cases on these threads the women have got some idea of the sort of man they're dealing with and whether he likes them. I imagine they've interacted when sober, and he has some idea what to expect. So their worries are groundless. But not for the reason you quote, no.

I agree, it’s untrue and unhelpful. Men say some pretty horrible things about women’s bodies.

Its not true at all. Men definitely do care unless they are unattractive and struggle to get women i suppose. Its up there with telling someone whose been cheated on / dumped / ghosted that they "dodged a bullet" never understood that one as they didn't did they the bad thing already happened 🤔

I don’t think it’s meant to imply that men will sleep with women they don’t find attractive. I think the point is that, if you’re going to bed with a man, he already finds you attractive with your clothes on and is extremely unlikely to find you less attractive when you’re naked. A man who fancies a woman when she’s fully dressed is always going to be keen to see her naked too, and is almost certainly not going to be bothered by a bit of cellulite or an appendectomy scar or a bit of armpit stubble.

In my own experience, most men would rather a woman who has a few stretch marks and doesn’t try to hide them during sex than a woman who is inhibited in the bedroom by what she feels are her physical flaws.

“Oh no! I was so looking forward to having sex with you for the first time, but now that I’ve noticed that your boobs aren’t quite symmetrical / you have a little bit of cellulite on your bum / a couple of stretch marks on your tummy, I think I’ll give it a miss. But thanks for the offer, anyway.”

Said no man ever in the entire history of Homo sapiens…

It makes no sense at all.
Why would porn/whatever they jerk off to be so rigid, photoshoped and honestly - boringly same, if women’s looks/bodies didn’t matter.
Why would ’beauty’ industry and plastic surgery/injections/ diet culture be a multi billion industry, if women’s looks didn’t matter?
Why would so many women try to fill that look and fantasy, and don’t claim that many don’t, or chase eternal youth?

Many say horrible things, even about gorgeous celebrities, they have mile long demands what women must look like.

Of course there are men who are ”hole is a hole is a hole” types, but they still want good looking women, can they get that is a different matter.

Even MN has a lot of people who say that looks/physical attraction is highly important.

And most likely they will, but for someone who is incredibly anxious about their body before they sleep with someone, they probably won't believe that a man will look at them and genuinely 'want' their body, but they may be able to believe that he won't care about their flaws.

When women feel that anxious they're also not even having sex out of 'wanting' either because their thoughts are holding them back.

So the comment/phrase is more to help people get past their nerves first time, but hopefully during/after and all subsequent times they have sex with that person they very much feel wanted!

Imo it's true!

It's true that some men have unrealistic expectations of women's bodies.

And men can be extremely critical and nauseating in their assessment of women's bodies particularly when they think they're just blokes together.

But if you've found a nice man who fancies you, it's unlikely he's going to be revolted if you're less than perfect physically.

I think when this sort of thing is said, it's not in the context of reassuring someone about large-scale misogynistic beauty standards, but in the context of trying to reassure someone about going to bed for the first time with someone new: two people dating who presumably like each other and find each other attractive enough to head toward the bedroom.

Is a decent bloke going to be put off by stretchmarks or wobbly bits if he likes you and has been anticipating shagging you? Most likely not. He may well have anxieties of his own, particularly around his performance, staying hard.

Of course there are going to be the odd incidents where there's no chemistry or he is actually horrified I guess, but that would say more about him than you, and how would it be helpful to anyone coming here to ask for reassurance or advice on getting over their insecurity about going to bed with someone new to concentrate on that possibility?

Do you believe that only women who look like pornstars have sex? Or only women who buy into fillers/plastic surgery etc.

I think if that was true the human race would have died out!

There is a fundamental flaw in your logic!

Exactly. It's basically saying "they're not attracted to you, they just want something to fuck, you'll do". That's not reassuring to anyone.

I think it’s broadly true that most grown-up non-idiotic men are less critical of women’s bodies than women are.

It’s a bit sweeping though, I agree.

It paints a pretty poor picture of men, and women really.

This is not a realistic picture of life

Most men have sex with women who don’t look like porn stars, and that does not mean they think a hole is a hole, it means they fancy those women

Most women don’t spend thousands altering their appearance

I agree that porn and plastic surgery culture is depressing and worrying and idiotic men (which includes a higher percentage of young men) can say awful things about women’s bodies in a lads night out / ONS stand context

But for the other 99.whatever of the time, ordinary looking men and women happily have sex, and on average, IME the average grown up bloke is less critical of women’s bodies than the average woman

Well I was food shopping earlier and it randomly struck me while queuing that everybody was so average and 'every day', a far cry from online perfection etc, but clearly must have some action judging by their children. Bodies are bodies, I guess. I think it boils down to chemistry.

I agree, men are allowed to have standards too.