...he'll be so grateful to have a naked woman in front of him, he won't care what you look like..."

[AlwaysAPleasure]

Why is this so often shared as a 'supportive' comment on here?

It's not true and I don't see how it can bolster anyone's confidence!

Someone posts it everytime a thread is started by someone who is insecure about their looks or body. It's just a crappy comment.

That's all. I was just thinking about it today and wondered why people say it.

Hearing "he's just happy to see a pair or boobs/a bum/legs/naked body" isn't helpful when you feel like your body is unattractive or different to the norm.

It's also not always true because although me may not say anything, if they still watch (lots of) porn, it makes you feel uneasy.

I've learnt (from men) that I have flaws I wasn't even aware of!

And that things i didn’t perceive as flaws but just as normal human variations are, in fact, highly unattractive 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm slightly envious of those who haven't experienced that tbh!

When I said before that I no longer feel I have the 'right' to feel attractive, I suppose what I actually mean is that I've been 'shamed' (for want of a better word) for being confident so many times that I feel acting confidently is risking attracting further criticism. Or at the very least them wondering why you're so confident when x, y and z about you is unattractive.

Sometimes I think it's been because the men feel threatened by confident women but it also seems to be that you're perceived as 'strong enough' to take the criticism - like they're just relieved you're not 'one of those women they have to watch what they say around.' And sometimes, they think your confidence is misplaced and so give you an honest appraisal as a favour so you don't make that mistake again 🤷🏻‍♀️

Its up there with telling someone whose been cheated on / dumped / ghosted that they "dodged a bullet" never understood that one as they didn't did they the bad thing already happened 🤔

Yeah I agree with this too.

And comments about how he'll definitely cheat on the OW too when that's also bollocks. I know three men who left their marriages for affairs well. All of them ended in happy and faithful marriages.

I know two women (both friends) who did too and they've also resulted in happy long term relationships.

I think people just spout all kinds of meaningless shit! 🤣

the thing is, men (and indeed women) want to have sec with people they find attractive - by what each person finds attractive differs hugely. Some people like curves, some like muscle, some like wiriness, some like dad bods, some like beards, some like body hair, some like boobs, some prefer bums, etc etc. Generally, if someone is attracted enough to you to get you naked, they already have a fair idea of your body type and looks and know they like them!

I don't look at the mantelpiece while I'm poking the fire 😂😂

I never heard this before but I love it.

There are all sorts of shapes/bodies/types/looks in porn. They are definitely not all the same.

They are still within very rigid mold for most part.
Sure, there is this kind of thin and that kind of thin for example, just few extra kilo’s and the women are in special fat fetish category.
Or if the women is older than 25 (pull the age out of my ass) she’s in milf category.

It really isint that diverse at the end of the day.

Some of my friends have picked men

Yes, many women are fine with men being not that great looking. This suprises no one.
The topic was about men caring about womens looks.
And they do. And most have very rigid and shallow demand for women’s looks.
What they actually can get (and have to settle for less) is a different matter.

I think in some instances it’s true. Men aren’t analysing our flaws in the sane way we do. But then it depends on your age and expectations. If you’re young and in a relationship with a gym bunny, the expectation that you should also be in good shape is probably higher than when you’re both in your fishies and tired 🤭

*fifties

I've never seen a comment like that on here. It sounds like some incel forum.

My recent ex husband would take pleasure in pointing out tiny flaws I didn't even know I had. I think it was what people call 'negging' but it worked and I felt insecure. It took a long time before I could tell him I didn't care for his opinion and to believe that.

I feel body confident, as I do lots of exercise and have done for years, but I do have some stretch marks (hidden by clothes) that I would be insecure about with someone new. I find the phrase from the OP as meant to comfort, but meaningless really and wouldn't find it a help.

Really? It's posted by at least one person every time there's a thread about body confidence/sex in a new relationship.

Afraid I think the comment is true. Ever heard the saying any holes a goal. 😯

I’ve seen it loads of times usually when someone is overweight and worried about dating. Then people will say men won’t care and will just feel lucky someone wants to have sex with them

I agree it's probably true in many cases. Except in the cases where they do care but don't seem to mind until after the sex.

I just don't understand why women post it as a supportive comment. Do they not realise it isn't a positive thing?

Really? It's posted by at least one person every time there's a thread about body confidence/sex in a new relationship.

I've seen it frequently too.

Exactly.

That's horrible, where did you meet all of these random guys that had the nerve to comment on your figure? Did you have a male-dominated workplace with a lot of nasty guys or in a bar with a bit of a bitchy atmosphere, or something like that?

You're conflating being emotionally abused by somebody who has had sex with you with the incredibly rare phenomenon of a man saying 'eww, actually I've changed my mind, can you go now?' seconds before having sex for the first time with you.

negging? this advise is meant to comfort? If I was to receive this I would feel degraded, noting positive about it

This was pretty much the entire content of women’s magazines’ body confidence advice, from Cosmo to Good Housekeeping, from at least the first decade of this century. I never found it that comforting or believable either, not least because in my school it wasn’t uncommon to have your physical flaws broadcasted to the whole school by a boy almost immediately after said encounter (thankfully that never happened to me but it was fairly common and certain girls would then be even more vicious about it). You would not have dared go out without shaving your whole body. I often wonder if that particular school still has that culture or if the internet has liberated the girls there from all of that.

My experience is that men focus on the positive and approach it all in a generous frame of mind, so are much more interested in appreciating everything and less interested in judging against an absolute beauty standard- works for me.

I’d be put off by a man who came to bed with a negative frame of mind- not saying men can’t have standards, of course they can, but the idea of going to bed with someone is that you both have a good time, not that you’re supposed to look like a supermodel and are somehow letting him down if you don’t. You’re not there as an ornament, you’re a participant. Subject not object.

Er, well, the two that spring to mind...

Two men were through a hobby I used to do. There was a group of us (men and women) who used to go to the pub every week afterwards. These two men asked if they could come with us one week. They did and were apparently running me down to the others when I was at the bar. It was along the lines of a 'nice face, shame about the body' type comment. They weren't invited to the pub again.

Another time, I was at my local pub just dancing to the band that was playing. When I came off the dance floor. I'd been aware of a group of men standing by the dance floor watching and calling stuff but couldn't hear them so ignored. They approached me when i came off the dance floor to criticise my arse! 🤷🏻‍♀️

Those are the two that stand out but there were several others.

I work in a female dominated workplace. There are men there but they're outnumbered massively and don't comment on the women physically at all. I like them 😉

Re dating, comments like I'd be pretty if I lost a few pounds/kilos; other women my age were slim, fit and toned so why wasn't I?; if I tried, I could be as attractive as <insert someone with a completely different physique>; just general critical comments about boobs, belly and bum. Funnily enough, no one's ever criticised my few stretch marks or cellulite so I don't give it a second thought.

I just feel that the same observations have been made so many times by so manyen, they must all be thinking it. I sometimes worry that my current partner is just being polite, or is settling but feels my other qualities make up for my lack of physical attractiveness. Its hard to feel confident when you've been shown so many times that it's misplaced!

I’ve heard one that is ten times worse and supports the OPs statement: “a hole’s a goal”. 🤮

I don’t think people say a man won’t care to put another woman down but rather to reassure that most men genuinely won’t care about physical
flaws. If they liked you in clothing, chatted with you and are attracted to you then the physical intimacy is the next step and wouldn’t turn you down because of some wobbly bits or stretch marks. I agree with PP who said men aren’t very observant and don’t see things as we do.

Nice idea.

I think some women are very generous when it comes to assessing a male perspective though.

This is not my experience and I think a lot of men missed that particular meno!

*memo