I am feeling a bit upset and confused after being told about something my DP’s mum said about me. I’ll start by saying that we’ve always had a nice enough relationship. We go over to her house for dinner with his parents about once a month. They live abroad and are from a European country so there is a language barrier and DP translates. I’ve known his mum for about 2 years.
We went there on Friday night for the first time in a while, as we’ve been away on holiday. It all seemed OK and they were their usual selves.
Yesterday DP told me that he was on the phone to his mum and she said that both me and DP had gained weight on the holiday and are fatter. She told him not to tell me but obviously he did. Apparently he told her it’s not her business to comment on other people’s weight but she said she has the right to have her opinion.
I was shocked at the rudeness of this and also because it’s not true. I’m a size 10 and not fat. It’s bothered me a lot because I had an eating disorder in the past and have had therapy to deal with issues with food and body image.
Her comment has brought a lot of old feelings back. I’m angry that she felt she had the right to comment on my weight, and behind my back too. I thought I looked nice that evening and now I keep thinking of the dress I wore and wonder if she was thinking about how I looked fat the whole time. :(
It caused a row between me and DP because his whole family, including the grandparents, have form for this kind of thing and I don’t feel he stands up to them enough for it. They often criticise other family members for being fat or overweight and his sister even had surgery because of comments they made about her breasts after pregnancy. They constantly tell him he needs to lose weight (he doesn’t, he is into fitness and works out daily.) They are quite toxic but I never thought they’d start on me. It doesn’t help that he tells her a lot about us, including exaggerating that I have a sweet tooth etc.
It’s put me in a difficult position. I can’t say anything to her because she doesn’t speak English. I don’t want to go to her house again and I now feel uncomfortable eating with her. DP says I shouldn’t care and it’s a cultural thing and everyone talks about people behind their backs, but it’s upset me and affected my relationship with her. What else does she say about me without me knowing? Not sure what to do about it because we are planning to get married and I feel gutted this has happened. It’s knocked my confidence.