At A Crossroad In My Relationship - Need Advice

[ShazS76]

Hi All

Looking for some thoughts on my situation.
Im a divorced woman in her late 40s. I have two teens, a son turning 19 and a daughter almost 15. I’ve been seeing someone for nearly a year now and we have had a great time and grown close.
Hes a few years older and has a son who is in his late 20s lives away from home.
There has never been talk of moving in together and that is possibly the easiest with me having two teens.
We dated about 6 months before I introduced him to my kids as I didn’t want to freak them out being the first relationship I’ve had since my divorce.
Anyway, fast forward some months and I’m wondering if I should end the relationship even though I’ve fallen in love with him.
He comes over but I haven’t had him stay overnight. I will stay a night by him if my daughter is with a friend on the weekend. This is not just about wanting my kids to feel comfortable but the issue now is my guy doesn’t want my kids at his place. He says they’re not his children and he has raised a child and doesn’t want to deal with teenagers again.
I know my kids aren’t little and they’re pretty independent but it’s really upsetting me having to do things separately. My kids have a dad in their life so they don’t need another male figure but I feel he should make some effort if he wants a future with me. My children are my priority and my daughter often makes comments about my bf not seeming interested in her or her brother.
i don’t expect him to agree to living together and don’t need his help with my teens but I don’t see it working out if he has practically no interest in them.

Sometimes our kids can be right shites and it can feel unrewarding but they are still priority and they never asked to be born.
I personally didn’t have the best upbringing with my parents and step parents so I know it’s so important for children to know they are cared about and loved unconditionally

You are a great Mum OP and I think you have done the right thing for you as well as your DC.

Good riddance to bad rubbish. Nobody needs some controlling oick in their or their children's lives. Well done for taking what must have been a hard decision but also the right decision. 🌹

Thank you for encouragement

Of course teens can be a bit lazy and challenging at times.

You have made a wise choice.

Well done.

Don't be sad.

He really didn't deserve you.

He sounded like the sort of man who would try to isolate you from friends and family — huge red flag. Also lack of generosity is a deal-breaker to me, and he was certainly ungenerous in his attitude to your children.

Better luck next time, OP. Well done for seeing he wasn’t worth your time.

He has already made negative comments about friends and family of mine, so you are probably right about trying to isolate me in the future

I had a feeling he was the type that would not like your friends. Sorry to hear he was also trying to alienate you from your family as well, the whole thing is very upsetting for you. But his behaviour since being dumped will hopefully help you get over it and well done in taking action. I suggested before that you consider the Freedom Programme and I really hope you do it, you will probably find afterwards that when you look back at this relationship there are things you could have picked up on earlier, but you didn't have the awareness that comes with doing such a course. It can be done online for £12.
https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

That’s not much money at all especially if it helps me to understand certain bad character traits in people as well as myself and how to be resilient

It's sounds like you've had a lucky escape op, and yes there are decent men out there.The right man will acknowledge you children. I got with my partner 5 years ago I have 4 kids they were 19 17 10 and 8 at the time he just made a joke of I'd better do some overtime then seeing as my family has just tripled lol , didn't bat an eyelid know your worth and you will always find someone worth you x

This is reassuring and it’s great you found a good man to share your life with.

Your children will always be a huge part of your life so a partner who doesn't take any interest in them/dislikes them is never going to be a serious lifetime prospect.
He made it clear that he doesn't want to have any investment with teenagers and you are a mother of teens - you are incompatible. It takes more then falling in love to make relationship work and this one is set up to fail from the start.

Also you say your teens can be disrespectful and lazy. It's your job as a parent to raise your children well so people actually like them and want to spend time with them. You're doing them huge disservice by accepting rude behaviour and nobody else will have same unconditional love for them to do the same, especially if they'll see you doing nothing about it.

My kids are well mannered in other peoples homes and school and my son works well with his colleagues. However at times they are disrespectful towards me and take liberties.
They see very little of their father and it can be hard getting them to tow the line when I’m being both parents. I wouldn’t expect anyone to want to deal with teenage attitudes, but I do actually do my best

You seem to have taken his words to heart.....don't! He is clearly a piece of work and was doing it for maximum hurt because how dare you break up with him......
All teenagers are a pain at some point!

He wants what he wants and what he want is different that what you want.
I would let him go. You don't need to meet his teenager free life expectations because you got two teens.

What will happen on holidays, at Christmas, when your kids grow up and get a partner or get married, got kids etc.

He doesn't want to be part of your life because your life is only completed with the rest of your little family that includes your two teens.

To much fuss and faffing around him to have him as a true partner.

@Epidote Maybe have a look at some more of the OP's posts? She's dumped him and he showed himself to be an arse from head to toe.

I’ve now blocked him. He was very derogatory and swore at me so that’s absolutely the end of that!

@Escapingafter50years I did and the post is still the same. He is in a completely different page to the OP and she doesn't need to be faffing around him. That is all. @ShazS76 happy for you, now you don't need to meet his unrealistic expectations.

How dare he to impose anything to anyone.