Just found ive been cheated on

[babygirl88]

After 6 years. My partners in the shower, i tapped his phone and saw another womans whatsapp message with an explicit message.

There is no pain quite like being cheated on-it's agony absolute heartbreak, we have your back hun x it's usually lust and secrecy/risk that makes them cheat- fulfils their ego. It's never the same after, it's totally broken

Whatever you do don't tell him you know. He will twist it around, gaslight and have you doubting yourself. I've been with this kind of man. No matter how improbable the excuse, they will have one and they will have you believing you are unreasonable.

Whilst I know people on here are not fans of ghosting, what he has done is worse. You don't owe him an explanation. Leave, block, delete, move on, but don't give him the chance to "explain". He does not deserve it.

Look up the sunk cost fallacy where people think that because they've wasted so much time with someone they might as well spend the rest of their life with them.

Don't even try to get past this. You only found out by accident so he's obviously very clever at being sneaky.

You've been together an awful long time and you are still living separately, even though it's clear you want children. Don't waste any more time with this complete loser.

I'm really sorry OP, but I think it's best if you let him go. I've read somewhere that you've been off & on for a really, really long time. I think he's with you mainly for comfort, friendship and sex.

This is just what strikes an outsider with no emotion involved;

You've been together "on and off" for 17 years.

Youve been very up & down (not sure if exact phrase) recently.

Even with being together for the last - years, you don't live together, and presumably no engagement, no shared kids.

Something is clearly not working in this relationship for there to be no consistency and no.commitnent in 17 yrs on and off, and 6 years this time.

Instead of it becoming more stable and secure and committed, you described it as up and down, or whatever the exact phrase was, recently (?)

You say you adore him. Does that mean that all the on & off and the sketchiness has been initiated by him?

It's a good thing you've not had kids by him, because honestly I'd worry you'd have ended up a single Mum.

This way, you have time if you don't fuck around with time, to meet someone else to gave a family with if you want to....and it can be a solid relationship, instead of off/on, up, down, finding out he's cheating etc.

Also, this will be difficult for you because you've been involved with him since you were very young, a v long time.

But time is just that, time. It's not as significant as people think. You can spend time with form an equal (hopefully better) bond with someone else.

But you’re not going to have kids and a ‘happy ever after’ with this man, so what do you gain by staying?

"35. Too late to move on and have kids and build up trust again. Ive wasted 20 years"
I had my baby at 38. I know it seems hopeless right now, but be brutally honest with yourself, walk away and don't look back. Don't waste any more time on this man. He could easily take up another year of YOUR precious life messing you around and gaslighting you over this. Shut that door, dry your tears, wash your face and start afresh. You can do this honey.

So sorry this has happened to you.
I met my partner at 39, had dc at 40 and 44.
It's not too late.

He's all i ever knew. I wanted everything with him. I hung around like a fucking puppet for 2 decades all to find messages on a friday night to hollie. My life is an embarassment

I replied snd said 'im sure hollie can keep you entertained while i am busy helping a friend, going to the clinic in theorning now, thank you x'

*the morning

He's a cunt and i hope he fucking realises one day

What am i going to tell people

Just say he was cheating so not worthy of you

What are you going to tell people? Exactly what you’ve told us, you were on and off for 17 years, never married, no kids, don’t live together and you found out he was messaging other girls. Time to ditch him and move on.

Hi @babygirl88 im so sorry you’re going through this. You tell them the truth that he’s been unfaithful and you’re not willing to put up with that. Well done on getting him out and not giving him the chance to lie and win you round, that can’t have been easy. You are only 35 and still young, you deserve to be happy and have someone treat you with respect that you can build a life with. This is nothing you have done, it’s all on him. Sending love x

I know that feeling. You're still young. I'm 45 next month.

It makes me look deficient. I have helpef his business, his family, his health. We had lots of laughter and lots of chemistry, still like teenagers. It will all be 'what did she not give him that he had to look elsewhere' i couldnt have done more. Half my life ive literally lived for him and worshipped him.

Some men just cheat. They just do.

I always looked nice, i never gave him reason to look elsewhere. Took care of myself, always spontaneous and fun but serious and helpful when needed.

I'm so sorry. What a shit he is.

Has he replied to your message?

Please don’t blame yourself - it’s nothing you did or didn’t do. This is all his fault, his doing. Sadly some men are just like this. Do not let him make you feel like you are to blame - it’s all his fault and he knows it, hence all the desperate calls and texts. There will be someone better waiting for you, even if you don’t believe that right now.

@determinedtomakethiswork i blocked him straight after.

I agree with this.