Just found ive been cheated on

[babygirl88]

After 6 years. My partners in the shower, i tapped his phone and saw another womans whatsapp message with an explicit message.

I’m so sorry OP I know it hurts so much right now. I agree with others go out even if you just go for a walk somewhere. Staying at home will drive you stir crazy with why and when.
my cheating ex also cheated with someone who I thought wasn’t his type but we often get attracted by something/someone different it doesn’t mean he loves you any less. It just means he doesn’t love you in the right way. He may love you adore you but not enough not to get his head turned. He should have been honest 100% and yes that makes him a total C**t selfish bastard.

From your posts I can see you’re a very strong independent woman who will be ok on her own. You have done this without him before you can do it again. Eventually the pain will pass and you will start each day not waking up with that awful feeling in your gut, this I can promise you.

It sounds a bit codependent rather than truly loving.
You’ve stayed with him because you’ve not known how it feels to love anyone else. He’s stayed with you because it makes life easier to be with someone who looks after all you needs and covers for the fact he is not sociable.
I would take this a so positive. Start living for yourself and discover the you that has been subsumed by this excuse for a relationship over the last 20 years.
Can I ask, if you don’t have children together, was this decision mutual?

It sounds a very unequal relationship anyway OP. You have been on and off since you were a teenager, yet you still aren’t living together or married. He sounds like a player, not someone who wants to have a proper relationship at all.

hi everyone I have a 5.5month old we started weaning a couple weeks ago and since then he’s
Just went off milk he just want food all the time will eat of spoon no bother but doesn’t want to suck the only way to get the milk down him is when he’s tired and he drinks the whole bottle obviously this is now resulting in him waking up for a bottle in the night now which he didn’t before. Has anyone else found this? Do they eventually get used to both?
I know it’s not recommended before 6 months but HV told me it was basically up to me as he was showing all signs of being ready he can basically sit unaided for a bit before he falls to side.

yvonneb13

Not sure if you know, but you’ve commented on someone else’s thread. You need to start a new one for your question.

Why do you call your wardrobe a locker? No-one calls a wardrobe a locker…

It was a secret planned outfit. Whats she got in the locker. Its an expression. THANKS XXXX

Thanks to all that have been so kind and helpful. Really appreciated. Todays been really hard but ive taken in all your words. Xx

@AnxiousFairyQueen lets read through someone being really hurt and comment on the least relevant part. What a prick honestly. Ill never understand people like you.

@babygirl88 remember all feelings are temporary. The good ones and the bad ones.

Keep away from him.

Years from now when you live a totally different life with someone else, you'll realise you had a lucky escape!

I know how you are feeling. So many ladies on here know how you are feeling. We can all relate. You feel sick. You feel like it would be easier to deal with grief. You feel exhausted. Your mind won’t let you rest.
But trust us, those who have gone through it, it passes.
It gets better.
Accept that this is shit.
Accept that he deceived you.
Accept that you may feel stupid.
Your true friends may now come out and say things about him they couldn’t say before.
You feel an idiot, that maybe other people saw what you didn’t.
But, you see it NOW.
So now is the time to get YOU back.
Concentrate on you.

You can be a whole person without him. It does sound like you’ll be much better on your own.
And when you’ve been on your own a while, and know you can be on your own, then and only then get internet dating!
Just for chatting or meet for coffee.
Nothing heavy. Just meeting new people.

Please don’t focus on your body clock. It will force you to make choices that aren’t necessarily the best for you.
(I had my 2 kids at 42 and 45)
I really feel for you as I know how gut wrenching it is. Many have gone through it, many are going through it, and many have it all to come. Just don’t go through it more than once with the same c#*t!!!! Hugs x

@trixylittlehobbit thank you. i appreciate it. its been such a difficult day. replaying seeing the messages in my head and i keep shaking my head to get rid of it almost. my heart feels so erratic and i just feel sick like you said. I havent moved from my bed since last night when i started this thread apart from to go to the toilet. I just feel betrayed and have so many questions. Just feel sorry for myself, knocked my confidence and confused me.

He's got zero conscience. He never has. Could do the worst things and not feel bad in the slightest. Im here starving with swollen eyes and gut wrenched and i just know he got more irritated that i mentioned something but fell fast asleep, got up for work and probably made plans for tonight while texting whoever.

wow. He got you right where he needed you. Not questioning delayed replies of up to 6 years. That's enough time to date multiple women. I would never tolerate that delay from a partner, permanently.

Yet, you said you were in each other's lives and you knew his routine and everyone he knew or similar. No, you didn't.

of course, none of this excuses him. Also, I would never keep an on/off relationship where when he is begging to come comes back it's cars, money, etc. A commitment is what would make me take them back- not cars, money etc.

He used you. but you also let yourself down a bit- too many red flags. hugs

*6 hours obv

OP, have now read the whole thread. There is absolutely nothing wrong with him. It is you who needs help, so please focus on that. Please book some therapy for yourself instead of being fearful he will come back in a few weeks time and you don't know if the past will repeat itself. So, this, is what you need to address with a therapist very urgently.

He obviously loves you for his own selfish reasons, so selfish he even showed you it. It's you who is obsessed, addicted to him. This is what you need to address as his red flags couldn't be clearer.

yes, you are hurting. But focus on you and getting the professional help you need.

Sorry? There’s nothing wrong with him???

oh yeah he’s a prince! Good god.

@babygirl88 try to force yourself up and out tomorrow. It’ll make you feel better.

He's got zero conscience. He never has. Could do the worst things and not feel bad in the slightest.

So why have you accepted his crumbs for so long? Taken him back time and again?

There are decent men out there.

This is just victim blaming. Plenty of strong, independent and intelligent women get caught up in bad relationships with manipulative, charming men. I certainly did.

OP this is not your fault and there's nothing wrong with you. But I would recommend seeing a therapist as a relationship like this can destroy your self confidence. Therapy really helped me to build my confidence back and develop stronger boundaries.

I still havent managed to do anything other than wash my face and brush my teeth.

As for people implying im some sort of delusional idiot, im not. We stay together nearly every single night. We invested in a business together years ago in our early 20's which has always required zero input from either of us after our investment, we get a split amount and always have regardless of whether we were on or off.

He obviously has texted me, but during work days he literally wouldnt respond unless it was convenient despite me saying it upset me. Like i said, every person in his life moans about it to the point he loses customers. Thats why it hurt me he was texting a woman.

Its not long distance, and only recently he got his 2nd house which he moved into and rented his other one out. before we were 10-15 mins apart. He obviously hasnt always been this way. We were together from 16-23, then a couple years break, he came back, we'd have a problem and id piss off for months fed up. Thats why i said on and off. I didnt say bizzare open relationship. He comes back. The last 5/6 years have been more consistent but only because i shut my mouth and give up asking to be made a priority.

We never lived together as he tried with a girlfriend and he said it was really volatile and said it put him off even though he said he knew it would be easier with me as we pretty much do. We are from the same culture and you dont buy a house or have a child with someone unless you're married.

But he's not a long distance sex maniac who cheats everyday or fwb that never saw me or never sent me a single text within a normal time frame. We obviously have a bond and loved eachother alot over the years but its time for me to see he's never going to be unselfish and considerate. He is a great guy but not a good man if that makes sense. When someone is like that, you tend to hold
On to the one thoughtful thing they do here and there as its so rare it feels really special. I know he's not slept with anyone while with me before this, he doesnt care to spare anyones feelings, if confronted he's always admitted his faults, he's not a liar as he doesnt care if he hurts people. but this time round i dont know his intention with the other woman or whats gone on.

@SquirrelMadness thank you x

If i met a man now who carried these traits he does and treated me this way, it wouldnt go passed a hello. But i havent just met him so its been more complicated and ran deeper than 'just leave'

You’re probably going to be love-bombed by him. Be prepared to see it for what it is. It’s not genuine remorse, but protecting his image. Tell your friends ASAP.