Is this how a relationship should be?

[ThisIsaNiceDress]

I’ve been seeing someone since early spring. Met on OLD and hit it off straight away, made it clear that it was an exclusive relationship and not just FWB sort of thing. Our personal commitments (work, families) mean that we can’t meet that often, I’d say on average once to twice a week, and we have not really introduced each other to friends or families so far.
what annoys me, though, is that I don’t really feel like I’ve got a partner. I feel like I’ve got a boyfriend, who is perfectly nice and kind, but who gives me little to no support or care in between our meets. Communication is sparse and often quite formulaic.
am I being unreasonable to expect more at this stage ? I’ve mentioned it to him before and he seemed to listen and understand, but no long term change took place. I can’t keep coming back with the same to him, I’d feel like a nag.
are we not compatible, or am I expecting too much too soon?
any responses would be greatly appreciated

Yep, I even limit friends with whom I can't talk about personal issues and day to day problems.

vis a vis 90 days being too early/pinning people down/unloading etc. What happened to being really into someone? 😂 being excited to speak to them. Being interested in them and their lives? That's pretty typical of a honeymoon period, no? Me and dp never spoke more than in the 1st year of our relationship, I thought this was standard for falling in love

And I would think that someone who thought there was ‘sod all to talk about’ other than his/her personal life and feelings was intellectually stunted and probably a right bore. Luckily we’re all different.

Being excited to talk to them, absolutely. IF they are interesting, and you feel you’re discovering a beautiful new personality whose thoughts and experiences you’re just starting to get to know. (And this isn’t by any means unique to romantic relationships, I’ve certainly had it when meeting a new potential friend, and it was mutual, and we’re still talking 25 years on and treasuring it.) But if it’s ‘why Sheila in Accounts is a bitch and how difficult it is to find parking unless you arrive before seven and my washing machine is leaking and I don’t know what to do’, then no.

@Merveille
Absolutely agree
And even now, more than two years in, I push back on the boring parking and Sheila in accounts conversations as it is like white noise to me.

I debrief work at work, I certainly don't want to come home and listen to someone else's detailed version of work.

Mind you now if the washing machine breaks I ask him to fix it so again no further conversation required 😂

Your expectations are excessive in terms of wanting him to be labelled as your partner, he isn’t a partner, he is a boyfriend. A partner is somebody that you are sharing your life with and you aren’t doing that, you have probably only even seen him, maybe 20 times or so.

However if you want to see him more often and he won’t, or you want to meet family and friends and he won’t, then you can say this isn’t working for me, we want different things.

@Merveille

And I would think that someone who thought there was ‘sod all to talk about’ other than his/her personal life and feelings was intellectually stunted and probably a right bore. Luckily we’re all different.

Fair point, and I'm not sure why I wrote that given that I love engaging in long conversations about politics, science, films etc..... but if conversations were all on that level three months into a relationship, and I felt I couldn't talk about anything personal for fear of being seen as being too serious, that would strongly indicate to me that the relationship wasn't a long term prospect....

How could it ever be?! If you don't want to know or care about someone's feelings in the honeymoon period of a relationship, then you're not to suddenly develop an interest after a year! And if you're not in the honeymoon phase three months in, then it's unlikely you'll ever be!

@Merveille

I agree that if talking about personal issues equates to lengthy daily therapy sessions about mundane office trivialities, then that would be a turn off, but that would be true three months or ten years into a relationship!

But if, after three months, someone felt they couldn't share a significant issue that was happening in their life or work, like concerns about an impending restructure, or upset about their sister's hurtful behaviour, because their bf/gf would only engage in abstract intellectually stimulating conversations, that's not the basis for an enduring loving partnership.