Dp wanting anal more often…

[Forums4321]

Hi all, I’m not sure the rules on MN about certain words language (anal etc) so let’s hope this isn’t taken down!

looking for some opinions. My dp of 8 years, has resorted to anal the past 3 times we have had sex. I was the type of person that said I’d never do anal, until last year when we were a bit freaky and he wanted to do it so I tried it out. He had done it with other women before me but as I said I’d never do it we hadn’t gone down that route. When we tried it out for the first time I was quite open to it as I’ve been with him for so long, feel comfortable and open to more sexual experiences if it makes him happy.

we only did it a few times here and there over the past year but last week during sex he started ‘playing around’ down there and went for it again. I wasn’t bothered and just took it as another one-off. Then this week it happened again and tonight it has happened again. So the last 3 times we have had sex, we have started normally and it has ended up in the other ‘place’.

He kept saying how amazing his orgasm was from it etc due to it being ‘tight’. Tonight when he was finishing he mumbled that it’s so much better (meaning better than the vagina I assume). I instantly felt a bit annoyed with that comment but thought he had just said it in the moment. However after he had finished and stood up he repeatedly was telling me how amazing it was and ‘so much better’ ‘way better’.

He hasn’t realised this has caused me any offense, he’s just happy at the moment. But I feel quite upset about this. I feel like my vagina is not ‘good enough’ after he’s now CHOSEN to switch to anal for 3 times in a row! The comments about it being so much better is making me feel like im not tight down there so he’s preferring anal. Ofcourse it’s natural the bum hole would be much tighter I know this but if he’s deliberately choosing now to go down that route i feel I must be quite loose.

also, I don’t want this to become a regular thing. I’m happy to do it once in a while, ‘spice it up’ etc but I don’t want it to become normal.

what do you all think?

Your last message is too good to be true.

His previous behaviour doesn't relate to it

Oh no, mines an exit only 😂 im not up for that any day of the week 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don't know MN rules on bringing other threads on new ones, but thanks as I went to have a look. All the Qs I had for @Forums4321 have been answered in that other thread, so, won't be wasting any more time on this thread.

on there, OP said: 'I don’t feel wanted in my relationship'. I was going to be helpful to show this to op based on this thread, but at least she knows already. all that stood out immediately from this anal thread, your saying it is hurtful to you etc etc all shouted that he doesn't want you.

op is just using 8 years as a distraction on this thread, and many times she tried to sugarcoat his behaviour, whilst on her other thread, she described how horrible he is to her- luckily this was clear to most pp on here incl me.

again, sadly, it boils down to a STHP being taken advantage of- again, I suspected your vulnerability a mile away.

I will leave others who can advise you on UC etc etc to help.
as from me, I can only send you my sympathies.

All the best op

Still sounds horrible, OP. 'Time frame'? 'Every six months'? This is your sexual relationship, not the filing of company accounts.

Why do it at all if it's painful?

Unless you're into pain of course

So you get pleasure from your pain or are you just letting him? If it's the latter would he be letting you do something that caused him pain just because you liked it....even once or twice a year?
And he knows it hurts you he's got an anus

I don't think your boundary about it is clear enough OP.

Why would you even do it once in a while it it was painful?

So, instead of being horrified that it causes you pain, his immediate question was how long he has to wait until he can do it again? I can imagine him scratching the days passing into the wall, like an old prison movie.

He sounds grim, frankly.

@amusedbush 😂Im sorry that made me laugh out loud!

Like an old prison movie 😭

If you do not want to don't do it. That's a given for all parties when involved in the acts associated with sex.
All the other posts about whether it hurts, porn-induced, masturbation or one orgasm per 500 yrs is NOT a universal experience for all women. Some of us actually enjoy sex and are explicit and assertive.

I think it sounds quite sad that you are going to endure it twice a year just to please someone else. When I was younger I used to do it because it felt expected.. hated every second of it. Therapy helped me realise why. No way on earth would I ever do anything in bed to please a man through my own pain.

I don’t actually find it enjoyable physically, it’s rather painful but he’s slowed down a lot and lets me take control so I can handle it better.

This is what I find worrying.

He has an amazing orgasm but you have none - can’t believe you’d be ok with this.

Someone buy him a harmonica and he can play it mournfully in the corner 😂

That was what stood out for me too. No apology for hurting the OP or pushing her into something she wasn’t comfortable with. Just a question about how long til he could inflict pain on her again.
And I’m wondering if he’ll absolutely hold to to the timeframe and insist that she told him 6 months so she’s obligated to allow it.

And the sad thing is the OP is posting like he’s actually being a good guy by waiting a few months to hurt her again.

Honestly OP, you really need to look at why you are with this man and how you gain more respect for yourself.

i spoke to him about it this morning, and explained that it can be quite painful for me. He said we won’t do it again. I told him I’m not completely against it, once in a while is fine so he asked for a time frame I said perhaps once every six months. He asked me how we should go about doing it and for me to let him know when I’m ready.

So it hurts you. He knows it hurts you. But you are both still going to do it? For fucks sake, just how low is your self worth that you feel you need to accept physical pain to stay in a relationship. Would you allow him to hit you? If not, why are you allowing him to physically hurt you in a different way?

Just say no.

That's not a good response from him op. You'll end up resenting him. You shouldn't have to endure pain to keep your partner happy.

It sounds like he's going to set a reminder on his phone. So grim.

I would pretty much say women wearing next to not thing, sexualising their bodies on Only Fans and being sexually liberated has meant mean can now push the boundaries.

He said we won’t do it again. I told him I’m not completely against it

Why did you say that? It hurts you. You don't enjoy it. He said he wouldn't do it again. You really need to figure out why you then said you would do it again. Are you afraid he will go off you if he can't do this for him? That's not good.

OP - nothing wrong with doing sexual stuff to please your partner, and in return he should do the same.

With anal I would sex boundaries - I wouldn't do it all the time because firstly you need to remove the poo from your anus and use butt plugs to make that area not as sensitive.

I hope your partner is doing stuff you enjoy like rimming and fingering your ass, if you like that. No reason why he can't say finger your ass whilst he's inside your vagina etc.

I don't find it very offensive to say he prefers your anus. The anus is a treat and no risk of pregnancy. If you find it offensive to hear that, tell him you don't want to hear it.

It's ok for people, women included, to enjoy certain sex aspects and prefer them. If you find it offensive to hear, tell him.

You told him it hurts and his response still included asking how often you can do it?

Fuck me, what a horrible bloke.

"I would pretty much say women wearing next to not thing, sexualising their bodies on Only Fans and being sexually liberated has meant mean can now push the boundaries."

@TomorrowToday What does you mean??

** do you not don't you!