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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Adultwork account found

136 replies

Lilliebelle · 11/07/2023 07:16

I found a adultwork account on my husbands phone I came across it through his saved passwords when I logged in I found messages dated back last year! There where two one wasn’t replied to the other was and they were discussing booking a 30 min slot asked if she did early times she’s replied what day is best for you and then that was it nothing else was exchanged! I’ve confronted him about what I found and he’s just denying that it’s him he’s never seen the account or knows anything about it! ‘It’s not me’
i want to believe him but I think I’d be stupid if I did the user name and password that was saved to his phone wasn’t actually correct when I tried to log in it said wrong details so I put his email address in and it sent a email with a user name and password reminder over and that is how I got access to the account, so his email address his registered only other details on the account is his DOB which is correct the password is not something he would usually use but it has a number in it that I use for passwords that he is aware of I just feel devastated and what’s making it worse is that he’s denying it all and it’s making me second guess myself he gave me his email password because he’s saying he’s been hacked so I wanted to see if there is any other emails from them like the account set up date etc but I can’t find anything on there other than the 2 messages there is nothing in there but they are dated back a year ago I looked at one of the ladies he messaged and searched her on the internet and she’s lives locally to us 😢i came across a different site where men have left reviews! I’ve begged him to just admit it he won’t I just won’t someone that doesn’t know me to tell me if this could be a hack or if he’s just lying to me and I’m falling for it !!! 😢

OP posts:
FartSock5000 · 11/07/2023 16:30

@Lilliebelle you are not a fool so don't let him make you one.

He is lying and he intended on cheating. The only thing you don't actually know for certain is if he slept with a prostitute but that doesn't matter. You have all the evidence you need that he fully intended on doing it.

You cannot work past this. You will always doubt him and no wonder!

He is lying and gaslighting you so you just push this aside and let him get away with it.

If you do that, you are giving him no consequences and he will cheat and lie again and again.

Kick him out. Give yourself time to just breath and think.

Your trauma bond will make you want to stay but remember that you did not deserve this. This is ALL on him. You have given him trust and loyalty and he couldn't do the same.

Naunet · 11/07/2023 17:06

donquixotedelamancha · 11/07/2023 07:23

I love the way 'I've been hacked' apparently means incredibly complex behaviour when people get caught. Someone has:

  • used his email to make an account in his name
  • used a password linked to him but not an existing password
  • used it to contact prostitutes
  • then gained access to his phone and saved the details on there

Riiiight.

Add to that, used his date of birth and his area. Those crafty old hackers… 🙄

Lilliebelle · 11/07/2023 18:45

I know 😢 I feel stupid for even asking in my head I wanted it to be wrong, he’s still pleading his innocence’ it wasn’t me’ i just want him to tell me the truth I want to know why and I want to know if he went through with it he’s given me everything I’ve asked email password phone records he says he’s has nothing to hide my head is all over the place but like you’ve all said all the evidence that it was him is there !! he just will not admit to it! I dunno wether it’s because of the messages themselves I don’t really think he would want anyone else to see them as one was to a TS as stated in the messages sent.
I’ve given him the chance to tell me the truth but he won’t!!

OP posts:
ZekeZeke · 11/07/2023 19:24

He is gaslighting you.
He won't admit to anything he can get away with.
There is no way on earth that he was hacked, created an account using his DOB and email. Total load of bull. Does he think you are thick? If he continues to lie then you lie!

I would say Mary's husbands brother is a forensic data scientist give me your phone for him to check

See his expression change.

winterchills · 11/07/2023 20:14

He is definitely lying! Get rid of him!

Maninwhite · 11/07/2023 22:50

It could have been ‘innocent’ curiosity or just messing with his mates. My female friends downloaded “Grindr” in Sicily for a giggle. They weren’t interested in picking up gay men, just having a look for a drunken giggle.

Smoke and fire and all that but there might just be something he’s embarrassed about rather than he’s actually done something.

Itstimetoquit · 11/07/2023 23:57

He's a liar,get rid of him x

Lilliebelle · 12/07/2023 00:10

Yes this could be the case but why deny it?? Yeah maybe it’s embarrassing but I’m his wife? he would rather make up a ridiculous lie than be honest with me about it to the point that I’ve told him it’s over and he’s still denying it ?? Clearly he doesn’t care or there is more to the story than I have discovered??

OP posts:
NicholJO · 12/07/2023 00:16

Seriously do you need telling you are a complete mug get rid of him you seem I nice repeatable person

Gamezup · 12/07/2023 00:24

@Bookworm20 is 100% spot on!
OP don't act like a fool. He's trying to bulls**t you with all the rubbish he's spouting off. Hackers do not waste their time doing what he says has been done to his phone. Utter crap! He would have rung them after the initial contact online so can't you see his itemised phone bill and check the numbers from that? I did and it exposed everything I needed when in your situation.
Get rid!

JFDIYOLO · 12/07/2023 00:50

Cheating on you
Emptying his balls into the rented body of a prostituted woman
Wasting family money that should be dedicated to family
Lying about it
Continuing to lie about it
Making you feel dreadful with his constant gaslighting lies
Putting you at risk of STI

He has no care for your feelings or wellbeing. No respect for you or your marriage.

Stop engaging with him because he will continue to double down and lie about it because he knows it is driving you up the wall.

You know the truth. Accept and come to terms with it instead of speculating and agonising and hoping.

It will help you recover faster.

And decide what you are going to do.

caringcarer · 12/07/2023 02:04

Ollifer · 11/07/2023 07:22

Of course he's lying op, and I think you know that. Don't let him gaslight you into thinking otherwise - you have black and white proof !

You've seen it with your own eyes. He's lying to cover his sorry arse.

GarlicGrace · 12/07/2023 02:16

one was to a TS as stated in the messages

Great. Your (soon to be ex) husband pays for sex on his way to work, lies through his teeth to you, and prefers his women to have dicks. I'm truly sorry for the devastation he has caused in your life, sweetheart. This marriage is over, isn't it. No woman deserves that.

CrackSpackle · 12/07/2023 02:28

Check here, and take a shot of the results with your phone so if he deletes the account you have the evidence. Also keep in mind he may well have another login/username

CrackSpackle · 12/07/2023 02:29

Check here

Adultwork account found
TheoTheopolis23 · 12/07/2023 09:19

donquixotedelamancha · 11/07/2023 07:23

I love the way 'I've been hacked' apparently means incredibly complex behaviour when people get caught. Someone has:

  • used his email to make an account in his name
  • used a password linked to him but not an existing password
  • used it to contact prostitutes
  • then gained access to his phone and saved the details on there

Riiiight.

They also know hid date of birth somehow.

TheoTheopolis23 · 12/07/2023 09:22

he will continue to double down and lie about it because he knows it is driving you up the wall

He's not lying to drive op up the wall, that's a side effect.

Hrs lying because his life as he knows it is gone if he tells the truth or anything approaching it. He'll try to hang on to it tooth and nail. Who wants to be the punter (and with trannies too) who's out on his ear in a flat, with people probably knowing about it. No respectable front, no wife, no family home etc.

TheoTheopolis23 · 12/07/2023 09:24

Lilliebelle · 12/07/2023 00:10

Yes this could be the case but why deny it?? Yeah maybe it’s embarrassing but I’m his wife? he would rather make up a ridiculous lie than be honest with me about it to the point that I’ve told him it’s over and he’s still denying it ?? Clearly he doesn’t care or there is more to the story than I have discovered??

He probably still thinks theres a chance he'll ride out the storm and persuade you to stay.

He won't want this and the details of this related to his family, friends, acquaintances, wider community etc.

Do you have kids, he won't want them knowing.

Etc etc.

TheoTheopolis23 · 12/07/2023 09:26

If you follow through on separating from you, I have no doubt he'll spin a web about why you separated. He's not going to do or say anything to give you ammo/evidence to the contrary.

He's fighting for his "life" and life long reputation/image right now.

TheoTheopolis23 · 12/07/2023 09:26

*separating from him

TheoTheopolis23 · 12/07/2023 09:33

Naunet · 11/07/2023 17:06

Add to that, used his date of birth and his area. Those crafty old hackers… 🙄

Hackers also only usually hack for financial gain. Where are all the missing funds and attempts to get his money. This clearly should be reported to the police ..... Why isn't he rushing to do that, hmm.

Azerothi · 12/07/2023 09:33

Newbeginingssameoldshite · 11/07/2023 13:40

I had a similar experience with my DP, and he tried the same line. However i did not fall off a christmas tree and told him just that,

From the history you have described its possible that he just looked but not necessarily purchased
(my DP was just browsing, there was no accounts linked to his email and the adds were just in his search history, He denied it for 24 hours until i calmly explained he had typed in Escorts local to us in the search bar and to stop with his bull shit)

I almost left him over it, but decided to give him another chance as :

  1. it was just the once, I checked his whole google search history
  2. in the end he told me the truth, it was after a night of drinking when I was out of town, curiosity got the better of him.
  3. He gave me his bank statements for the week in the run up to the date and there was NO large purchases (so no cash back options) and no cash withdrawals.
  4. I checked his call and text log for any unidentified numbers.

It has however left me anxious that he might do it again in the future and actually go through with it this time which is really playing on my mind.

Trust me, they are NEVER hacked and its NEVER a pop up!

I have to trust that he respects me enough to know that this is something I will not tolerate again, and that he loves me enough to not go down this path, even if it is just looking

On a side note, if he had searched my history he would have also found adult work on there due to me googling what it was a couple of years ago based on a similar thread to this and curiosity got the better of me too and I looked at several local adds to see if i recognised any of them.

I'm not defending his actions, but is is possible he was just looking......

The op doesn't sound quite as naive as you do. Your boyfriend has done an excellent job of pulling the wool over your eyes.

TheoTheopolis23 · 12/07/2023 09:34

Next it'll be his mate did it as a practical joke. That's a favourite with caught punters too

Ollifer · 12/07/2023 09:55

Op why do I feel like you're just going to believe his shite ?

If you choose to forgive this then that's up to you, but you must know that he definitely did do this and wasn't hacked. He's also lied and lied and continues to repeatedly lie to you. He has no respect whatsoever to you or the life you have together. So just bear that in mind if you choose to stay with him.

TheoTheopolis23 · 12/07/2023 10:15

On a side note, if he had searched my history he would have also found adult work on there due to me googling what it was a couple of years ago based on a similar thread to this and curiosity got the better of me too and I looked at several local adds to see if i recognised any of them.

Were you looking with a view to hiring and using prostitutes..... No.

So totally irrelevant.

He, however ....

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