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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband booked parents evening for when I am not availabe

126 replies

SophieD1987 · 07/07/2023 20:54

AIBU?

I was away with work this week with dinner booked with work colleagues at 6pm, and getting a taxi with them at 5.45pm.

At 5.30pm I looked at my personal emails to see my son’s primary school had sent out the parents evening booking link earlier that day (with no warning) to go live at 6pm that evening. One of the two dates offered I was unable to do as I am seeing my oldest friend for a picnic after school with my son - first time seeing her in about a year as she lives a long way away and is here visiting her parents. I had put that I was seeing my friend in me and my husband’s shared calendar on our phones and spoken to him about it.

Because of this I wanted to make sure we got an appointment on the day we both could do. I immediately tried to call my husband several times, I texted, forwarded the email the school to him asking to book via the link but in both text and email I asked him to make sure he avoided the date I could not do.

Anyway no response from husband, so I apologised to my work colleagues and booked an appointment for a time both my husband and I could do (outside of both our working hours) on the correct date.

Husband texts 5 minutes later to say he has booked the appointment.

He then calls me to ask why I had tried calling him 🤣. I obviously explained I was calling about the parents evening and had also booked an appointment but said we’d work out which one we want and cancel the other.

Anyway husband was adamant today that his time an hour earlier (when he should be working) was a better time because it would mean only one trip to pick up our son.

So I cancel the appointment I had booked and go with his as I didn’t think it was worth an argument over!

Anyway, we go out for dinner tonight with my son and husband and husband mentions in passing about the parents evening on xxxx. And it turns out he had booked the appointment for the exact time I could not do! (All appointments on both days have now gone).

Husband says I shouted at him in the restaurant. As far as I was concerned I absolutely did not shout, and was completely in control, but I felt I was very direct and robust and questioned how he could have not have checked our shared calendar, read my text or the beginning of the email with the link where I said please do not book it for Tuesday….

I asked my son (who is 5) if I had shouted in the restaurant and he said you spoke in a loud voice but you were not shouting. I wouldn’t normally ask him as I do try to avoid bringing him into arguments of course, but it is hard when someone is telling you you did something when I don’t feel I did.

Anyway husband is now in a mood with me, telling me how unreasonable I was. And how dare I ask our son if I had shouted.

I guess I should just be gracious, forgive my husband for his mistake, apologise if he felt I shouted and apologise for asking our son if I did and speak to the teacher on Monday about the problem to see if we can move our appointment….

It all just feels very irritating!

OP posts:
Curioushorse · 07/07/2023 21:01

Honestly....it's not that big a deal. How long is the appointment? 5 minutes? 10? You can just send a quick email to the teacher and ask if there are any issues- but if there was anything major you'd already know. By Year 3 you'll never bother both going again.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 07/07/2023 21:01

I think your h set this up as a way of punishing you and as a way of undermine you. He likely feels threatened by the fact that you have friends and also work outside the home, the poor little lamb (I am being sarcastic here). I would seriously consider going forward if you want to remain with such a man child because this is not nice behaviour from him.

fruitbrewhaha · 07/07/2023 21:01

I can see why you are annoyed as he appears to have done the exact opposite of what you’d asked, however, if he has booked it for when your not available he can do it. If there are any surprises you can always ask to speak to them again. Plenty of parent’s evenings are attended by one parent.

So the question is, did he do it on purpose? Perhaps he finds you a bit over the top about all this and is making a passive aggressive point.

TheCaddieisaBaddie · 07/07/2023 21:06

What I would have given to get out of parents evening .....

Littlemissprosecco · 07/07/2023 21:08

TheCaddieisaBaddie · 07/07/2023 21:06

What I would have given to get out of parents evening .....

Me too

Hate them!

moneymatr · 07/07/2023 21:08

AttilaTheMeerkat · 07/07/2023 21:01

I think your h set this up as a way of punishing you and as a way of undermine you. He likely feels threatened by the fact that you have friends and also work outside the home, the poor little lamb (I am being sarcastic here). I would seriously consider going forward if you want to remain with such a man child because this is not nice behaviour from him.

Are you being sarcastic?

CoreyTaylorsSoggyTshirt · 07/07/2023 21:09

Score, you don't have to sit through a dull parents evening where they tell you fuck all anyway.

Enjoy your picnic, and let dh enjoy parents night.

Elieza · 07/07/2023 21:10

Your husbands an arse. He’s gaslighting his part in the whole thing instead of admitting he made a mistake and was too lazy to read your messages and take in what they said. Either that or he deliberately did the booking then to piss you off or prevent you seeing a friend - jealousy perhaps or fear you’re having an affair???

Whatever it is he’s the arse. I bet he expected a chocolate medal for booking it too…..

Id apologise for raising my voice in the restaurant. And if he wants to know what shouting at him sounds like you’d be happy to show him. With the windows open so the whole place can hear what an arse he is when it comes to reading texts and booking appointments….

Parisj · 07/07/2023 21:11

If you say a time you don't want, people always just see that as the time you want, it's why I don't phrase emails that way. I think you are OTT, he can go.

Greengrassoh · 07/07/2023 21:12

Surely this is a reverse? Nobody would actually do this I asked my son (who is 5) if I had shouted in the restaurant would they?

Mummy08m · 07/07/2023 21:12

Your son is 5. Unless you have some concerns or he has very specific needs you want to discuss, parents' evening is not a very big deal. You will have many more parents' evenings in his school life.

Yabu for giving your husband a hard time. One parent will be represented, that's enough.

I'd say there are a few key parents evenings throughout their school life (eg year 9 GCSE choices etc) that are a don't-miss. Apart from that, relax

Mapples · 07/07/2023 21:14

As long as he can attend the time and date he has booked whats the problem?

SophieD1987 · 07/07/2023 21:17

Mapples · 07/07/2023 21:14

As long as he can attend the time and date he has booked whats the problem?

He knew I would really want to be at our only child’s parent’s evening?

OP posts:
geoger · 07/07/2023 21:17

Am I being thick? Isn’t this just a simple misunderstanding?
DH has attended plenty of parents evenings without me and I’ve done my fair share without him. Don’t see the problem you’ve saved yourself from 10mins of waffle

SophieD1987 · 07/07/2023 21:18

Mummy08m · 07/07/2023 21:12

Your son is 5. Unless you have some concerns or he has very specific needs you want to discuss, parents' evening is not a very big deal. You will have many more parents' evenings in his school life.

Yabu for giving your husband a hard time. One parent will be represented, that's enough.

I'd say there are a few key parents evenings throughout their school life (eg year 9 GCSE choices etc) that are a don't-miss. Apart from that, relax

He has very specific needs yes and my husband knows I would want to be there.

OP posts:
Mummy08m · 07/07/2023 21:18

SophieD1987 · 07/07/2023 21:17

He knew I would really want to be at our only child’s parent’s evening?

He's your only child but it's very much not his only parents' evening ever! There will be so, so many more

geoger · 07/07/2023 21:19

Isn’t it a bit late in the year for parents eve? Surely you’ve seen the teacher or has reports before today

YourNameGoesHere · 07/07/2023 21:19

Greengrassoh · 07/07/2023 21:12

Surely this is a reverse? Nobody would actually do this I asked my son (who is 5) if I had shouted in the restaurant would they?

I bloody hope not, honestly poor kid.

What a giant fuss over absolutely nothing. It's parents evening for a 5 year old. It's not a big deal and it doesn't need to be attended by the whole family. Your husband, the child's father, is more than capable of overseeing it.

PurBal · 07/07/2023 21:19

I get that you’re annoyed but it seems simple that DH goes and you don’t. And I would try not to bring your 5yo into an argument.

Mummy08m · 07/07/2023 21:19

SophieD1987 · 07/07/2023 21:18

He has very specific needs yes and my husband knows I would want to be there.

Fair enough but I think if you have lots of specific things to discuss, a separate appointment would be a good idea anyway. Parents' evenings are usually quite brief appointments

SophieD1987 · 07/07/2023 21:20

Mummy08m · 07/07/2023 21:18

He's your only child but it's very much not his only parents' evening ever! There will be so, so many more

Ok thank you. I guess it still feels very important as I am new to this given my son is 5 and we have only had one other parents evening and our son has very specific needs.

OP posts:
StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 07/07/2023 21:20

If this is the first cock up he's made I'd be inclined to forgive him. If not I'd be questioning if it's strategic incompetence to make you take on all of the wife work. Does he have form?

Ifulikepinacoladas · 07/07/2023 21:22

Omg I've done every single parents evening and wld have been beyond happy to get out of one in favour of DH. Massive over reaction.

cyncope · 07/07/2023 21:22

Annoying but not really worth shouting at each other in a restaurant over.

You know you can make an appointment to speak to the teacher any time if something is bothering you? A 5 minute parent's evening slot is just for a brief chat.

CoreyTaylorsSoggyTshirt · 07/07/2023 21:22

Does you school not have Dojo or similar?

Parents evening is usually a quick "they are great at spelling, on target with maths, popular with other kids" type conversations. They literally have a few minutes for each child (6 minutes in our school) and can't overrun.

Any specific worries or concerns can be discussed separately through Dojo.

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