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Original poster

Husband booked parents evening for when I am not availabe

126 replies

SophieD1987 · 07/07/2023 20:54

AIBU?

I was away with work this week with dinner booked with work colleagues at 6pm, and getting a taxi with them at 5.45pm.

At 5.30pm I looked at my personal emails to see my son’s primary school had sent out the parents evening booking link earlier that day (with no warning) to go live at 6pm that evening. One of the two dates offered I was unable to do as I am seeing my oldest friend for a picnic after school with my son - first time seeing her in about a year as she lives a long way away and is here visiting her parents. I had put that I was seeing my friend in me and my husband’s shared calendar on our phones and spoken to him about it.

Because of this I wanted to make sure we got an appointment on the day we both could do. I immediately tried to call my husband several times, I texted, forwarded the email the school to him asking to book via the link but in both text and email I asked him to make sure he avoided the date I could not do.

Anyway no response from husband, so I apologised to my work colleagues and booked an appointment for a time both my husband and I could do (outside of both our working hours) on the correct date.

Husband texts 5 minutes later to say he has booked the appointment.

He then calls me to ask why I had tried calling him 🤣. I obviously explained I was calling about the parents evening and had also booked an appointment but said we’d work out which one we want and cancel the other.

Anyway husband was adamant today that his time an hour earlier (when he should be working) was a better time because it would mean only one trip to pick up our son.

So I cancel the appointment I had booked and go with his as I didn’t think it was worth an argument over!

Anyway, we go out for dinner tonight with my son and husband and husband mentions in passing about the parents evening on xxxx. And it turns out he had booked the appointment for the exact time I could not do! (All appointments on both days have now gone).

Husband says I shouted at him in the restaurant. As far as I was concerned I absolutely did not shout, and was completely in control, but I felt I was very direct and robust and questioned how he could have not have checked our shared calendar, read my text or the beginning of the email with the link where I said please do not book it for Tuesday….

I asked my son (who is 5) if I had shouted in the restaurant and he said you spoke in a loud voice but you were not shouting. I wouldn’t normally ask him as I do try to avoid bringing him into arguments of course, but it is hard when someone is telling you you did something when I don’t feel I did.

Anyway husband is now in a mood with me, telling me how unreasonable I was. And how dare I ask our son if I had shouted.

I guess I should just be gracious, forgive my husband for his mistake, apologise if he felt I shouted and apologise for asking our son if I did and speak to the teacher on Monday about the problem to see if we can move our appointment….

It all just feels very irritating!

OP posts:
Original poster
SophieD1987 · 07/07/2023 21:23

geoger · 07/07/2023 21:19

Isn’t it a bit late in the year for parents eve? Surely you’ve seen the teacher or has reports before today

I can’t really comment on why the school are holding parents evening so late in the year.

OP posts:
UsingChangeofName · 07/07/2023 21:24

I know this is in relationships but you are being ridiculous about this.
It is very normal for one parent to attend the parents' evening.
Generally you have to book quickly if you want a particular day or within a particular 1/2 hour, you don't tend to have time to hang around consulting one another, just get one parent to do it.

In future, he will realise that you are taking it out of proportion and leave you to book it / attend them all.

However, your behaviour at shouting at him in the restaurant is appalling.
Even if you call it "speaking loudly". Even "speaking loudly" for that read angrily at your dh in a restaurant is really poor behaviour.

Worse than that is dragging your ds into the argument.

carrot87 · 07/07/2023 21:25

I'd be more than happy to not go to parents evening, surely your partner can fill you in.

Gazelda · 07/07/2023 21:26

The majority of this is misunderstanding / point scoring / petty / blown out of proportion.

But I'd be absolutely livid at you if you'd asked our 5yo to corroborate or deny that you'd shouted during the robust exchange.

Original poster
SophieD1987 · 07/07/2023 21:26

CoreyTaylorsSoggyTshirt · 07/07/2023 21:22

Does you school not have Dojo or similar?

Parents evening is usually a quick "they are great at spelling, on target with maths, popular with other kids" type conversations. They literally have a few minutes for each child (6 minutes in our school) and can't overrun.

Any specific worries or concerns can be discussed separately through Dojo.

Never heard of Dojo 🫢

OP posts:
CuteCillian · 07/07/2023 21:26

Why can't DH go alone? We took it in turns, no need for both of you to go.

Kiwiandstrawberries · 07/07/2023 21:27

Crikey am so happy that my children are in their 20s ! Parents evening at primary school was such a non event. The teachers just chat and if there was a problem you would be aware of it 🤷‍♀️Never thought about who should be there .
We did both try and go to parents evening once at Grammar School but we both definitely didn’t get to every evening.

geoger · 07/07/2023 21:28

Dont worry about missing this parents eve - they’re always rushed/same old comments affair.
As your son has very specific needs then ask for a separate appointment where you can talk things thru in more depth. Also, I’m assuming you’ve spoken to the Sendco at length many times before today?

Original poster
SophieD1987 · 07/07/2023 21:29

UsingChangeofName · 07/07/2023 21:24

I know this is in relationships but you are being ridiculous about this.
It is very normal for one parent to attend the parents' evening.
Generally you have to book quickly if you want a particular day or within a particular 1/2 hour, you don't tend to have time to hang around consulting one another, just get one parent to do it.

In future, he will realise that you are taking it out of proportion and leave you to book it / attend them all.

However, your behaviour at shouting at him in the restaurant is appalling.
Even if you call it "speaking loudly". Even "speaking loudly" for that read angrily at your dh in a restaurant is really poor behaviour.

Worse than that is dragging your ds into the argument.

As I said I really don’t believe I was shouting. I am not the kind of person to raise their voice so I found this hard to believe.

OP posts:
Mapples · 07/07/2023 21:29

But I'd be absolutely livid at you if you'd asked our 5yo to corroborate or deny that you'd shouted during the robust exchange.

Indeed.

Original poster
SophieD1987 · 07/07/2023 21:30

geoger · 07/07/2023 21:28

Dont worry about missing this parents eve - they’re always rushed/same old comments affair.
As your son has very specific needs then ask for a separate appointment where you can talk things thru in more depth. Also, I’m assuming you’ve spoken to the Sendco at length many times before today?

The SENDCO was off sick from March. Only just returned to work.

OP posts:
Wavescrashingonthebeach · 07/07/2023 21:32

Just rebook the appointment for God's sake and in future don't involve your 5 year old in your arguments. That was a terrible thing to do. If you know you didn't shout then you didn't shout, you don't drag your child into it to validate your actions. You and dh need to both grow up.

PuttingDownRoots · 07/07/2023 21:32

One parent is normal at parents evening.

I've always had DDs SEN review on a completely different date as it needs longer than a standard appointment.

geoger · 07/07/2023 21:33

So nobody from the school has discussed your sons progress since March? Not even the class teacher or TA? Regular chats and updates are a usual part of the home-school dialogue for children with specific needs. Then you deffo need to make a separate appointment

Original poster
SophieD1987 · 07/07/2023 21:33

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 07/07/2023 21:32

Just rebook the appointment for God's sake and in future don't involve your 5 year old in your arguments. That was a terrible thing to do. If you know you didn't shout then you didn't shout, you don't drag your child into it to validate your actions. You and dh need to both grow up.

Ok I will do better next time. Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
SophieD1987 · 07/07/2023 21:34

SophieD1987 · 07/07/2023 21:33

Ok I will do better next time. Thank you.

Show quote history

All appointments are booked up and I cancelled the correct one earlier today at my husband’s request not realising he had booked the wrong day. I’m

OP posts:
Original poster
SophieD1987 · 07/07/2023 21:36

Curioushorse · 07/07/2023 21:01

Honestly....it's not that big a deal. How long is the appointment? 5 minutes? 10? You can just send a quick email to the teacher and ask if there are any issues- but if there was anything major you'd already know. By Year 3 you'll never bother both going again.

Ok thanks for the advice. I will email the teacher. As he is our first and only child I don’t really know what would be considered acceptable/what is expected.

OP posts:
Original poster
SophieD1987 · 07/07/2023 21:38

geoger · 07/07/2023 21:33

So nobody from the school has discussed your sons progress since March? Not even the class teacher or TA? Regular chats and updates are a usual part of the home-school dialogue for children with specific needs. Then you deffo need to make a separate appointment

We had a meeting to review his very specific medical/physical needs which impact on his learning. But because of that we didn’t get a normal parents evening and so I feel a bit out of the loop on everything else.

OP posts:
YourNameGoesHere · 07/07/2023 21:38

SophieD1987 · 07/07/2023 21:36

Ok thanks for the advice. I will email the teacher. As he is our first and only child I don’t really know what would be considered acceptable/what is expected.

Show quote history

Surely though by this point in the you've already had at least one other parents evening and seen how quick and pointless they are plus a school report which tells you hows he's done and what his next steps are. You can't actually have that much to discuss that's in any way urgent or important otherwise you'd have brought it up at some point before July.

Original poster
SophieD1987 · 07/07/2023 21:40

YourNameGoesHere · 07/07/2023 21:38

Surely though by this point in the you've already had at least one other parents evening and seen how quick and pointless they are plus a school report which tells you hows he's done and what his next steps are. You can't actually have that much to discuss that's in any way urgent or important otherwise you'd have brought it up at some point before July.

Show quote history

We had one parents evening in the first term. It didn’t seem pointless and was quite detailed and helpful.

OP posts:
YourNameGoesHere · 07/07/2023 21:42

We had one parents evening in the first term. It didn’t seem pointless and was quite detailed and helpful.

I'm a teacher...they are indeed pointless. How can they be anything else when they last about 10 minutes.

Honestly anything of importance will have been communicated to you as and when required and the parents evening is just box ticking.

gazpachosoupday · 07/07/2023 21:49

SophieD1987 · 07/07/2023 21:40

We had one parents evening in the first term. It didn’t seem pointless and was quite detailed and helpful.

Show quote history

If your school is anything like ours, they will switch to video parents evening, 10 minutes it cuts out. So much better, no waiting for half an hour.

But I understand where you are coming from, with the first parents evening and wanting to be there.

But, if you want a long chat with the teacher, book something away from parents evening, because unless you are first, you are going to be waiting and unless you are last, you are going to have parents staring daggers in your back because they are bored of waiting on tiny uncomfortable seats

AuntMarch · 07/07/2023 21:51

If your son has additional needs I really wouldn't worry too much about this parents evening. There should be regular meetings about how he is getting on if he is on the SEN register, let your husband do this parents evening and take it upon yourself to request a longer meeting that you know you can attend next term

Summerfun54321 · 07/07/2023 21:51

Usually both parents don't go because it requires getting someone to look after your child while you are both there.

QueensBees · 07/07/2023 21:55

AuntMarch · 07/07/2023 21:51

If your son has additional needs I really wouldn't worry too much about this parents evening. There should be regular meetings about how he is getting on if he is on the SEN register, let your husband do this parents evening and take it upon yourself to request a longer meeting that you know you can attend next term

Except that the OP is clear that she hasn’t had said meeting with thecSENCO because they were off sick since March.