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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What do I do now?

127 replies

Jenna345 · 02/07/2023 06:53

I’m feeling very alone right now and I’m not sure how to keep strong or what my next steps are.

Me and my partner have been back together for a few months after being apart just over a year. In this time we both saw new people - nothing serious for either of us. In the past he’s had anger issues and a lot of them were taken out on me.

Last night we’d been to a party at my friends and decided to walk home after. Everything was fine we held hands , had a good night and everything seemed good. Suddenly on the walk home he turned and started demanding to know the surname of the guy I was seeing because he wanted to do him over. I wouldn’t give it to him and I said that I thought we were moving on from this. He proceeded to say that our sex life was rubbish because he didn’t want to go near me and that I was slag and a slut. He also knows I want a baby but said this is why he won’t ‘put a baby in that ‘. He started shouting in my face demanding his name , I was begging him to leave me alone but he kept blocking my way and pushing me. He pushed me a bit to hard and I ended up falling in a bush with spikes and ended up cutting my leg up. He then walked off leaving me on the side of the road having a panic attack saying that I wasn’t to come home.

Everything’s been so good and now I’m just left confused and back to square one. I’ve never cheated on him and the original break up was his choice. No idea what to do now…

OP posts:
Caravanvirgin · 02/07/2023 07:07

You need the relationship. It ended the first time beca
use it was broken and now you know what he really thinks of you. Don’ have a baby with this man he won’t be a good father.

CrystalCoco · 02/07/2023 07:08

I'm sorry this happened to you.

I think you do know what you need to do, you're just wishing this hadn't happened as otherwise you'd like to stay in this relationship and have a baby.

Please don't stay in this relationship or have a baby.

There are better people out there / being by yourself is better than this.

These are his true colours, he showed you who he is, believe him.

Snugglemonkey · 02/07/2023 07:12

I am sorry op. I do not think there is any way back from him assaulting you and displaying the depth of his misogyny.

BCBird · 02/07/2023 07:16

He is not for you,or anyone to be honest. Know your worth OP. Hand hold

BlastedPimples · 02/07/2023 07:20

Wow. What a nasty violent shit of a man.

Please end it now. Do not have a child with him.

How dare he insult you in this manner and then get all aggressive, shouting in your face etc.

BitOutOfPractice · 02/07/2023 07:30

You split. Permanently. He sounds absolutely horrendous. Physically and emotionally abusive. Why would you want to stay with him?

ZekeZeke · 02/07/2023 07:31

In the past he’s had anger issues and a lot of them were taken out on me

But its not in the past it's in the present.
Love, you need to be brave and dump him.
His promises are empty. He has physically assaulted you and he WILL do it again.
You have asked this community what do you do now?
You need to end this, you know this.
Don't let him use alcohol as an excuse.

fortheloveofflowers · 02/07/2023 07:42

You finish the relationship, raise your standards and be happy being single for a while.

yesterdayisgone · 02/07/2023 07:46

Thank your lucky stars he showed you what a prick he is before you got pregnant . Please don’t continue this relationship

Gettingbysomehow · 02/07/2023 07:48

Leave now unless you want a life of violence for you and your child. You can have a child alone. You don't need a violent man to complicate things.
If you allow him to get away with this episode of violence it will escalate. Ma y of us on here have been there.

HabberdasheryAddict · 02/07/2023 07:51

He is a violent, abusive, misogynistic thug and you need to leave him.

And please read this - it's available as a free PDF online:

WHY DOES HE DO THAT, by Lundy Bancroft.

Also do the Freedom Programme. It's online.

Invest time in earning about self esteem and boundaries.

Never, ever let anyone treat you like this again. You deserve better. Please look after yourself.

YoSof · 02/07/2023 07:54

I’m so sorry OP, I hope you’re ok. You did nothing wrong.

Please leave him. He will be full of apologies today no doubt, but he is violent and it will only escalate. Do not have a child with this man I am begging you.

Do you have somewhere you can go?

Original poster
Jenna345 · 02/07/2023 08:00

thank you for your support everyone.

@YoSof we own a house together so I’ll need to stay here until it’s sold and then get my own place.

OP posts:
BanditsOnTheHorizon · 02/07/2023 08:36

So sorry op. This man is abusive and an arsehole. First thing Monday speak to a solicitor to see how you can remove yourself from the situation and get the house sold.

ZekeZeke · 02/07/2023 08:38

You don't have any children together which is a blessing. The shared home, you can sort that by selling. Have a clean break from him.

mumofblu · 02/07/2023 09:05

What do you do ?

You recognise that an abusive man hasn't changed . You tell yourself you have done nothing wrong and staying with him won't fix him or you
You tell a family member or trusted friend what he has done
You move away from him and tell him finally that you don't want any more contact from him ever . You ignore him and block him if necessary.
You do the freedom program
You give yourself time to be sad.

You look forward , see who you want , test out different relationships , concentrate on friendships with girls .

And count your blessings you don't have a child that would suffer at his hands or ties you to him forever .

You have so many opportunities to live a happier life x

mumofblu · 02/07/2023 09:08

Also go to hospital , drs about your leg and inform the police that you have been injured in an assault

Netcam · 02/07/2023 09:09

You are brave to share this with others.

I didn't and married someone like this and had 2 children with him. If someone does that once, even if he doesn't do it again for months or years, it will rear its ugly head again.

I strongly suggest you get out of this relationship now. I did eventually and am now married to someone else who is lovely.

WilkinsonM · 02/07/2023 09:11

You're in an abusive relationship. Please end it and definitely don't get pregnant.

Mumofnarnia · 02/07/2023 09:16

Wow! He is abusive! Please don’t have a child with this man!

Any man who wanted to ‘do in’ a previous man I’d been seeing would automatically get dumped because it shows me what sort of a person he would be in the future - a violent, abusive, jealous and controlling man! People like that are never going to be great to have a relationship with. Just seems he wants to go out of his way to cause trouble with an innocent man who you just happened to have been seeing while you were split up!

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 02/07/2023 09:23

Report the assault to the police and get him removed from the house.

Sell it and move on

Ex's are ex's for a reason, don't go back there

Tiredmum100 · 02/07/2023 09:23

I think your next steps are to walk away OP. It will only get worse. How dare he treat you like that. You are worth more! Do you have anyone in real life who can help you?

Watchkeys · 02/07/2023 09:25

Why are you confused? He's verbally and physically abusive. Whatever else he might be, sometimes (sweet, kind, loving etc) is irrelevant. As soon as abuse starts, the relationship stops, regardless.

BoohooWoohoo · 02/07/2023 09:28

I think you know that ending the relationship is what you should do. It must be a massive relief that you're not pregnant so you can cut ties properly

AttilaTheMeerkat · 02/07/2023 09:31

I would urge you to contact the police and report this assault. It may be possible for you to obtain an occupation or non molestation order. Sell the house asap; reduce the price if you have to.

You cannot remain in the same house with him; you are not safe there either.
He remains volatile and he has not changed. This is who he is and he targeted you initially also to abuse and otherwise mistreat.