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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What do I do now?

127 replies

Jenna345 · 02/07/2023 06:53

I’m feeling very alone right now and I’m not sure how to keep strong or what my next steps are.

Me and my partner have been back together for a few months after being apart just over a year. In this time we both saw new people - nothing serious for either of us. In the past he’s had anger issues and a lot of them were taken out on me.

Last night we’d been to a party at my friends and decided to walk home after. Everything was fine we held hands , had a good night and everything seemed good. Suddenly on the walk home he turned and started demanding to know the surname of the guy I was seeing because he wanted to do him over. I wouldn’t give it to him and I said that I thought we were moving on from this. He proceeded to say that our sex life was rubbish because he didn’t want to go near me and that I was slag and a slut. He also knows I want a baby but said this is why he won’t ‘put a baby in that ‘. He started shouting in my face demanding his name , I was begging him to leave me alone but he kept blocking my way and pushing me. He pushed me a bit to hard and I ended up falling in a bush with spikes and ended up cutting my leg up. He then walked off leaving me on the side of the road having a panic attack saying that I wasn’t to come home.

Everything’s been so good and now I’m just left confused and back to square one. I’ve never cheated on him and the original break up was his choice. No idea what to do now…

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 03/07/2023 16:48

Dont think of it as sides.

There is only him and the mask he has been wearing to...make you think he's a real boy.

The mysoginy, the gaslighting, the assaults...that's who he is. I'm sorry but the rest of it...it's just a disguise. A wolf in sheeps clothing.

Even if he never acted this way again...how could you ever love him again? The trust is gone. And you'll always remember what's under the mask.

Good people don't pretend to be bad. Bad people pretend to be good all the time. But it's not real.

You liked his act.
But is not that person. And you need to find a way to let that idea of who you wish he was go. Or you'll spend your whole life looking for the him that never actually existed.

monsteramunch · 03/07/2023 16:50

OP. Do you think it's fair in any way on a child to knowingly have them with a man like him?

leopard22 · 03/07/2023 16:57

Please don't tell me you believe him when he says if you tell him his surname he'll forget it? It's just more control tactics! He's assaulted you by pushing you in that bush OP- it's domestic violence! It sounds like there's emotional abuse on top too.

Your age is not a reason to stay with this prick! It wouldn't be even if you were in your 80's- bringing a baby in to this world with him would be the worst mistake of your life- do what you need to to get away and when you look back you will see what a lucky escape you've had.

Mumofnarnia · 03/07/2023 17:13

Jenna345 · 03/07/2023 16:15

@mumofblu I guess when things are good they’re great. We’ve got a lot of history and we have had good times. I guess I’m struggling to connect the two sides I see from him

It is extremely hard to connect the 2 sides you see in him. However he is showing patterns of a typical abuser. If you do some research on google such as ‘signs of domestic abuse’ and ‘signs of narcissistic abuse’ you will see that almost every article tells you that these people really have 2 sides. They have the charming and caring side (aka known as the manipulative/ love bombing side) and then their not so nice side.

KomodoDodo · 03/07/2023 17:31

Jenna345 · 03/07/2023 16:15

@mumofblu I guess when things are good they’re great. We’ve got a lot of history and we have had good times. I guess I’m struggling to connect the two sides I see from him

This is classically how abusers work. Push you to the brink, then try to rewrite history (you ‘falling’ into the bush rather than him pushing you. He is playing games with you to see what he can get away with.once he find your limits he’ll push bit by bit until he destroys who you are.

I know its really hard to think of leaving because the good times are better than with anyone else, but the bad times will be worse than with anyone else too.

i also understand not being where you wanted to by a cartain age…but at 32 you still have time. Im close to 50 and have much less time, a d mids who have dealt with a broken home because I didnt leave sooner. Please, please don’t stay with this man. He will steal your self esteem, your happiness and your the chance you still have of a life you love and future security.

He will not change.

honestly

He won’t. It will only get worse…

hattie43 · 03/07/2023 18:00

BitOutOfPractice · 02/07/2023 07:30

You split. Permanently. He sounds absolutely horrendous. Physically and emotionally abusive. Why would you want to stay with him?

This .

Netcam · 04/07/2023 09:20

Jenna345 · 03/07/2023 16:15

@mumofblu I guess when things are good they’re great. We’ve got a lot of history and we have had good times. I guess I’m struggling to connect the two sides I see from him

Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde springs to mind. That's what I used to think about my ex.

On one level he seemed so nice, almost too nice. He used to make me a lovely packed lunch for work every day which my colleagues thought was amazing. We spent ages decorating our house and making it really nice so it felt like a home because he knew that was important for me. We went on my dream honeymoon to the Seychelles.

But it was as if he was being too nice to compensate for his angry outbursts and occasional psychotic behaviour. I eventually realised he was saying the things he thought I wanted to hear and doing the things he thought I wanted.

But by then it was too late. We'd already had one child and I was pregnant with the 2nd and his true self really came out. Probably the pressure of too much to do, he couldn't maintain the 'nice' mask anymore. What had been occasional outbursts became regular provocation and sarcasm, along with drinking in secret. He still tried to be 'nice' sometimes, but the anger and resentment inside him bubbled through regularly.

In the end, I couldn't take any more, I left when the kids were 4 and 7. They are now 16 and 19 and the ex and I no longer speak. I suffered years of abusive phone calls and emails from after our divorce, he never forgave me for leaving him. When my youngest reached 16 I decided to end all communication as any attempts to co-parent with him in an amicable way were impossible.

Thankfully I am now married to a lovely man. He is not nice sometimes and horrible sometimes, he is always nice and that comes from the heart. It's not something he has to try and do, he is just himself. He would never make me a packed lunch for work but I don't need that anyway, I'm quite capable of doing my own. What I wanted was a relationship with mutual respect and care for the other person and the relationship. And I found it and am very happy and feel sure this is forever.

I don't think your partner will change unless he has a huge amount of therapy over many years. I understand from my kids that my ex is having counselling at the moment as he is still experiencing big problems in his life, 10 years after our divorce. I just hope one day he sorts himself out, but I am just so relieved I don't need to be on the receiving end of his abuse until he gets there.

It might feel like a big upheaval selling your house together now and admitting failure. But believe me, it will be much harder further down the line. I started to see hints of the issues with my ex after we had bought a house together before marriage and children. But I didn't really want to admit it to myself and everyone else at the time. Because he was mostly nice I decided to stay and give it a go. I was about the same age as you and was worried if I left I might not meet anyone else in time to have children as I felt the biological clock was ticking.

In your shoes I would get out now. Seriously. Or see if you can get some counselling or therapy so you can discuss how you are feeling with someone and get some support with your decision.

Jenna345 · 04/07/2023 10:45

@Netcam Thank you and I'm sorry to hear what you went through.
I just feel lost at the moment - I'm on anti depressants as well and I literally feel like I'm in this black hole.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 04/07/2023 11:41

Jenna345 · 03/07/2023 16:15

@mumofblu I guess when things are good they’re great. We’ve got a lot of history and we have had good times. I guess I’m struggling to connect the two sides I see from him

You are in a black hole. It's called the abuse cycle. Abusers are always nice sometimes, and often a lot of the time. Just not all of the time. It's a widely known and accepted phenomenon, designed to confuse the victim into a state of cognitive dissonance... which gets you on the ADs in no time.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cycle_of_abuse

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance

Nobody can live like this and be happy, OP. You need to get away from the trigger: him.

Cycle of abuse - Wikipedia

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cycle_of_abuse

Jenna345 · 04/07/2023 13:26

Thank you everyone for your help - does anyone have any advice on how to keep strong? Things to say or ways to behave to stay strong?

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 04/07/2023 13:50

Just be kind to yourself.

There probably will be moments of weakness. Times where you'll say or do the wrong thing. Probably because he's mid-headfuck.

Don't stress about that. We all make mistakes. We aren't our mistakes. We are how we learn from them.

Never feel like you 'owe' him anything. Even if it something you said (eg: that you'd give him more time. Or that you'd forget about how he acted thar night. Ect). You don't owe this jerk anything. Anyone who puts their hands on you is only owed a stony jail cell.

Take time away. Go for walks. Get plenty if sunshine if you can. Do fun things yourself and with mates.
(He won't like this. But who cares).

He wants to keep your brain in a fog. Don't let him.Think of him as the snake from the jungle book. His words are just too put you under. So he can kill you. So, don't be drawn in.

If you have to be around him then imagine a shield of light infront of you that his words just bounce off.

No one can be strong all the time.
Just remember to have your own back. And usually that means just staying as far away from. him as possible.

I still think reporting him would be wise. That way they have record, should he ever try to touch you again. And he knows you won't be slow to report him.

Forgive yourself for moments of weakness. And remember, you are not weak or lacking or bad. He just wants you to think those things. He's like voldermort. Power hungry. Greedy. Cruel. Trying to make you think you're the weak one. You're not. You have substance he will never have.

And you'll have a better life.
And he knows it. And he hates you for it.

Watchkeys · 04/07/2023 14:00

Jenna345 · 04/07/2023 13:26

Thank you everyone for your help - does anyone have any advice on how to keep strong? Things to say or ways to behave to stay strong?

Separate his thoughts and feelings from yours. You don't have to say it out loud. But if he says a slut, you internal phrase is 'It's up to you what you decide to make of me. Think whatever you want.'

You need to develop your independence of mind, OP. You need to understand that if someone calls you a slut, you can get yourself into a mess about it on the inside, or you can say 'Okey dokes', and move on with your day. Be around anybody who treats you this way as little as possible, and never, as soon as you can. But if they have to be in your life, recognise that you don't need to defend yourself or argue. It doesn't matter what he thinks of you; he's being horrible to you and you don't respect his opinion anyway.

What would he do if he started to be nasty, and you calmly said 'OK', and left the room/house?

Netcam · 04/07/2023 15:20

Jenna345 · 04/07/2023 13:26

Thank you everyone for your help - does anyone have any advice on how to keep strong? Things to say or ways to behave to stay strong?

I would say plan your exit. Have a life plan for what you intend to do next and focus on getting to that point. If he is horrible don't interact and leave the room. If he is abusive call the police. Get the house on the market and sell it ASAP, even if that involves selling it at a slightly reduced price.

Natty13 · 04/07/2023 20:44

Every time he is being lovely/funny/generous/patient/whatever he does to suck you back in tell yourself "this man called me a slut last week" "you called me XYZ" "you screamed in my face"

Tell yourself that over and over and you'll help yourself merge the 2 versions of him you have of him together. There are no 2 sides of him, the mean one is who he is and the nice side is what he is pretending to be in order to manipulate you into staying with him.

mumofblu · 05/07/2023 07:59

Know that his behaviour won't stop and if you had a child together i guarantee that your child will grow up seeing their dad treat you like this and they will probably get the same treatment .

A friend of mine married a " good man" they were very involved in the church , he seemed nice and involved as a father with his two sons . She divorced him after 16 years married we were shocked to find out he started attacking her before they were married , being sorry after every time , going to their church for counselling . Eventually she left because their sons got older and started trying to protect their mum and they got beaten too .

It's a fact that the only person who can stop this is the abuser . He has anger and possession issues that he can't control .

Please make sure you keep yourself safe by following the great support you are having here and don't have a child with him , that child will be used as a tool to control you further and will not have a good family experience.

Jenna345 · 05/07/2023 08:36

I've contacted my doctors today also as last night I hit a real low point.

He's still saying that me with holding information is what's not letting him get over it. He says he needs to know his surname , what happened, when and where so he can trust me. I don't see how any of this is going to help - to call his bluff I said 'if I tell you what you want to know, I want to know all the details of the 2 women you were seeing and a promise that you'll drop all this and commit to me'

His response was ' You're delusional, you need to get your priorities right and fix us first as you're not being honest'

I don't see why he can't agree to these terms if I give him the information he needs to get over it?

I don't see how after 4 months of us not speaking one word about it he's now like this.

OP posts:
mumofblu · 05/07/2023 08:50

You were on a break right ? He has no right at all to know what you did with who . You were not an item . Same with him . Don't get into game playing and don't give him details because he will cause a whole lot of s**t for you . He's not going to sit on any information you give him .

I would also tell the other man that your ex wants his details because if he finds them another way I worry for the other guys safety .

Have you told the Dr you are in a domestic violence relationship?
Have you told anyone outside Mumsnet what's happened
Have you contacted woman's aid ?

Why are you agreeing terms with him ?

Take this seriously , nothing you do will stop this relationship being abusive except to not be in it .

It's your decision
Yes it's hard
Yes you will feel hurt , scared and unhappy .
But it will give you a better future

peachypudding · 05/07/2023 09:08

Once you've made the decision in your head that this man is not someone you want to spend your future with (and he really, really isn't), the rest will follow.

Take your time. Don't tell him anything about your decision. Quietly work towards leaving.

You will be fine OP. Sending you loads of luck.

leopard22 · 05/07/2023 09:08

Jenna345 · 05/07/2023 08:36

I've contacted my doctors today also as last night I hit a real low point.

He's still saying that me with holding information is what's not letting him get over it. He says he needs to know his surname , what happened, when and where so he can trust me. I don't see how any of this is going to help - to call his bluff I said 'if I tell you what you want to know, I want to know all the details of the 2 women you were seeing and a promise that you'll drop all this and commit to me'

His response was ' You're delusional, you need to get your priorities right and fix us first as you're not being honest'

I don't see why he can't agree to these terms if I give him the information he needs to get over it?

I don't see how after 4 months of us not speaking one word about it he's now like this.

Because he needs to be in control and have what he thinks is the "upper hand". He will continue to beat you with it

mumofblu · 05/07/2023 09:17

@Jenna345

Does he have a criminal record for violence ? How does he behave towards other men . I'm really concerned for the other ( totally innocent ) man as much as you ,

Is he a coward who only goes for you / woman because he knows you won't tell easily

Change this

Jenna345 · 05/07/2023 09:34

@mumofblu
Yes we were separated for 7 months before I started seeing someone - it was very casual and in hindsight it was for the wrong reasons - I just wanted to feel loved and worth something.

We broke up initially because he couldn't decide what he wanted - in our relationship he had about 5 wobbles. He used to add random girls on social media that he used to meet on nights out and used to message girls he met. He'd always say it was innocent. I used to tell him how the social media aspect affected my self confidence but he never stopped because he didn't like being told what to do. The last time he broke up with me he didn't know if he was in love with me and if he wanted to marry me anymore. Every time I'd ask him if he still wanted us he'd always say he didn't know. It got to the point I begged him to still try and be together - but he always refused.
Within 24 hours he went on a night out and messaged a girl - unknown to him it was my friends friend and she recognised him and told me.

He can't see that his actions in the first place caused the breakup - but he's adamant that I'm the one that's ruined the relationship.

I haven't told the doctor details about the relationship yet, I said it's been up and down but nothing else.

My close friends know and I've spoken to women's aid - they've sent me some links etc.

He won't find the other guy because he doesn't have social media and I don't intend on telling him anything.

OP posts:
mumofblu · 05/07/2023 10:48

@Jenna345 love . I wish I was your neighbour , friend or mum . I would be knocking on your door daily . Best I can do is on here .

You are an adult woman who has been in an abusive relationship for many years with a man who has controlled your actions and your emotions with his behaviour .

Throwing you scraps , pulling away and telling you it's your fault .

Eroding your self esteem to believe no one but him will want you . This isn't true .

You will either stay with him and eventually he will leave after lots of heartache and further abuse because none of his behaviour is respectful to you.

Or you will leave , suffer the heartbreak and move on stronger .

By what you say he isn't hitting you regularly but his emotional and psychological abuse is very apparent .

Have you asked woman's aid about support groups where you can meet other woman with similar experiences who will know how you feel

And finding someone to love you at the moment is not a good idea . You need to learn how to love and respect yourself and after this experience give yourself time .

What are your plans with house and living situation ?
The one advantage you have is you only have your self and not children to move / protect

Think about seeing a solicitor and definitely file a police report but not charges ( they won't do anything without your pet) and if he does anything like this again it's on record and he will be removed from the house .

Keep safe

mumofblu · 05/07/2023 10:49

Pet = permission

Grahambella · 05/07/2023 11:00

In his eyes you did ruin the relationship - this is true from his perspective. And his perspective is the only one that matters to him.

You feelings, thoughts, needs don’t matter to him. He can chase the ladies but you must stay devoted to him.

He is all MeMeMe with a stampy foot and clenched fists. Like an overgrown toddler. He wants to hit the other chap with his sippy cup for daring to touch his toy. (That’s an image for you - dungarees and a nappy).

So he’s right you did ruin the relationship (in his opinion and it’s only his opinion that counts).

Hes a bad egg and you won’t change him.

Jenna345 · 05/07/2023 11:13

@mumofblu thank you , I appreciate your support.

I'm constantly looking to see if there's anywhere I can afford to rent while still paying my half of the mortgage.

I need to get the house back up for sale again but I can't mentally focus on more than one thing at a time.

OP posts: