Is my dh being a knob ??

[MrsKnob]

Name Changed for this, sorry it's long.

So myself and dh have been married 15 years, together around 20. We have always shared bills in proportion to earnings. I work in care on minimum wage as it fits well around childcare which has always been totally down to me. He has a big job earning the high end of a 5 figure salary and he does absolutely nothing with our 11 year old dd.

He has never financially supported anything with dd in 11 years, and I mean nothing, such as Christmas, birthdays, cloths, activities, childcare, absolutely nothing.

He has always been extremely tight and controlling with money, which I have just accepted over the years, he’s a compulsive saver.

I’ve now got to the point where I’m struggling with the costs and getting into dept with affording secondary uniform, activities, well everything to do with dd really. She does do a moderately expensive sport which I have always paid for completely myself. Well today I sent him a text explaining that I’m struggling and asking for a joint account that we both pay into for dd costs. He had completely gone off the deep end! He currently not talking to me and the atmosphere is awful. It was of course a resounding no to my request and now he stonewalling.

He’s being a knob isn’t he?? Am I being unreasonable??

Have you told him?

I think I need to take the plunge, it will be hard and I will probably need a lot of hand holds, but I need to do this for my daughter and myself.

How can he (and his thick as shit family) think he is in the right?

Cunts.

Good luck with the divorce. Nail the fucker to the wall.

Not yet no, the shit will hit the fan when I do so I don't really know how to do it. Part of me feels very guilty too

They've believed his narrative of how much money I apparently waste

You have nothing to feel guilty about. The man who pays absolutely nothing for his child, he’s the cunt who should feel guilty.

“You think I’m wasteful? He doesn’t pay a single penny towards his daughter, not childcare, not clothing, nothing. I’d love to be wasteful, but I don’t have a penny left to waste after I pay for everything.”

The fact that he lies so if you shows he knows exactly what he’s doing. He’s calculated and abusive.

I think you need to take your time getting your ducks in a row, if he’s only ever had 2 payslips it sounds like he would be able to hide his income from csa so you get nothing. Make sure you find statements of as many savings as you can before he gets wind of what you’re up to.

My brother was homeless a couple of years ago for complicated reasons and I knew he would struggle to get income references for a flat so I rang round letting agents explaining I would need a landlord who would take 6 months rent up front instead. This was easier than I thought and as soon as we had a lease agreement he applied for Universal Credit and housing benefit.

If you are unable to save the only way to do that is to get a bank loan. Short term pain.

That's assuming you want to move out while you divorce him and agree a settlement.

If he's paid shares and dividends that's reported to HMRC so if he pretends to have nothing a court order will get his tax returns.

He may be investing it all in property deals or something similar.

theyre not your family op theyre his im sorry your dd will miss out on her co9usins but its not worth staying for

the man is a nasty piece of work

I would calculate the amount of maintenance he would pay for dd if you were to split up, then show him and say you expect at least 50% of that moving forward. Alternatively you could divorce his arse and get that full figure plus spousal maintenance and half his savings. He might be quick to start coughing up towards his child then.

Do you actually say, "well I have texts from yesterday saying you're a mean man who won't pay towards his daughter so I don't know why you care what I spend since you don't contribute you utter arsehole".

Don't really say that of course. Keep your powder dry and save it all until the divorce fight. Take him for every penny you can.

He's absolutely shocking.

I would definitely pay for a lawyer throughout - this man will do everything to hold onto his money, so you have to fight fire with fire. You should be able to pay the fee at the end of the divorce.

Don't forget pensions, savings, investments - absolutely everything.