Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend crying because of me,am I really horrible?

404 replies

redsblacksoranges · 28/06/2023 09:46

So today

OP posts:
Peachy2005 · 28/06/2023 12:07

@sodthesodoff ’s Nan said it best! You are only 31, plenty of time to meet someone who will treat you right…

Take a friend to the concert or to Blackpool and make plans to break up.

Do not have kids with this controlling manipulator! Please 🙏

Blort · 28/06/2023 12:07

redsblacksoranges · 28/06/2023 10:59

We are both 31
No kids yet and were hoping to start a family soon
My point to him was why don't we live now and have fun times before any babies come along

Oh please. Why?

He's taking such a whiney piss on your birthday dreams - why would you want to have children with him?

Imagine how god awful he'll be when you throw stress, exhaustion, other priorities into the mix?

You're only young - find someone who's worth it.

BethDuttonsTwin · 28/06/2023 12:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Oh be quiet!

OP send him on to this poster. They’re clearly not clued up enough to recognise this kind of manipulative behaviour so will be daft enough to put up with it OR they’re like it themselves, either way it’s a match!

Ridemeginger · 28/06/2023 12:10

OP, I'm sorry you lost your mum at such a young age. Did you get any support or counselling for your loss? So many women have saddled themselves with men who give them crumbs of affection, and they think that's all they deserve and treat it like riches, because they have a great big gaping hole in their lives where decent parenting should have been. And these sorts of manipulative and abusive men seem to see these sorts of women coming, and know how to exploit their need for love.

Peachy2005 · 28/06/2023 12:12

By the way, if you don’t go to that concert and break up, you will end up spending your lovely Ticketmaster voucher on Foo Fighters (that you don’t even know) or something else HE wants to see…don’t be that sad person!

SirQuintusAureliusMaximus · 28/06/2023 12:12

@Scruffthemagicdragon

So he could have just said no then, suggested she go with someone else. But he didn't. He deliberately played for time so that he could sabotage her plans. Then cried and cancelled the hotel that he had wanted.

I agree. It's all bad and he's behaved appallingly. I was just suggesting a theory as to what might have been the origin. Not that it matters because no one should be dating this man.

bumblebee2235 · 28/06/2023 12:15

redsblacksoranges · 28/06/2023 10:05

No he deffo hasn't booked it
I feel a bit gutted tbh I really wanted to go
It was anything I wanted to do next week,he said no.

Your birthday right? I'd take myself away for a spa invite a friend or relative. Since he's cancelled your birthday and in a strop. I would make more effort to enjoy it 😅

Superdupes · 28/06/2023 12:17

Oh god he's 31? At 19 I could understand this immature, pathetic behaviour but 31? Seriously? Crying because you he wanted to do exactly what he wanted with no thought to what you wanted on your birthday? Please, please, please bin this man-child and please, please ,please don't have children and so tie yourself to him. It's so obvious that you will regret it.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 28/06/2023 12:18

To me and friends the ages you’re both at are pivotal when it comes down to settling down and making big decisions about kids etc. if there are red flags they start to come up now or earlier.

If any of my exes had tried to guilt trip me like this absolute tool had done and not sorted it out then I’d be out of the relationship.

On one of my birthdays (30th) with a boyfriend I knew wasn’t right for me but stayed with him for security (and we’d moved in recently) we went where I wanted to go (Kefalonia). This boyfriend was a salesman, gambler and risk taker and turned out he hadn’t factored in spends for the holiday bar the usual stuff, hiring a car for one week etc. didn’t give me a heads up re this either before we left. Just sprung it on me. We’d been away before though. I recall thinking why on earth didn’t he at least tell me about this so we could both plan and especially as we both lived together? It basically spelled the end of things as I knew he wasn’t mature enough to plan etc. he’d lived with his mum and sister before this and was used to them doimg everything for him too. If he’d have cried or manipulated me further I’d have had even less respect for him. He wanted me to have his baby but then said if we broke up he still see/support the baby. Knowing him I said a big fat no to that.

I really would listen to other posters here and just end things now. He won’t change and sounds like an abuser in training/completed the course.

Rusty79 · 28/06/2023 12:18

Please, please, please do not Marry or have children with this man. He sounds a lot like my husband and I have been putting up with it for the last 15 years. Things will only get worse when you have kids, don't be like me and find someone who loves and respects you. you still have time don't be stuck like I am.

porridgeisbae · 28/06/2023 12:19

deffo not going to propose ,he won't fork out for a ring

@redsblacksoranges Well, he sounds like every woman's dream OP Sad x

Please don't have kids with him.

YukoandHiro · 28/06/2023 12:20

The tears mean there is something much bigger going on here, either in your relationship or outside of it.

redsblacksoranges · 28/06/2023 12:22

I rang him at lunch and I thought I could maybe make peace but it all kicked off
He was shouting and crying saying I ruined it and he had to hang up before he said something he would regret
He said I'm selfish

OP posts:
hettie · 28/06/2023 12:22

@redsblacksoranges Oh dear God...please please do not have children with someone "where 'everything has to be on his terms" . Trust all the lovely mumsnetters who have been there and worn the T-shirt, it will be awful and you will regret it.

ginslinger · 28/06/2023 12:23

Leave him - you can do so much better. Do NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES HAVE CHILDREN WITH THIS LOSER

PimpMyFridge · 28/06/2023 12:23

redsblacksoranges · 28/06/2023 10:59

We are both 31
No kids yet and were hoping to start a family soon
My point to him was why don't we live now and have fun times before any babies come along

Don't do it.
This has got lifelong regret written all over it.

CitizenofMoronia · 28/06/2023 12:25

wait till you get Pregnant and he wants a boy, and you ruin it by having a girl! ... run. life is too short not to be able to see who you want when you want, there are facebook groups for girls that gig so you can meet up and go to gigs together with someone .

ChristmasFluff · 28/06/2023 12:26

He's a sly manipulative little shit, and frankly, what he booked WASN'T good enough, it was yet another manipulation tactic, just like the tears.

Tell him so, OP. Tell him you expect better. And if he cannot come up with the goods, off he can fuck.

And echoing others, do NOT have children with him. He'll fuck them up like he's fucked you up. Do you really want him making your children feel wrong every time they rebel against his control? Google 'gaslighting'.

Scruffthemagicdragon · 28/06/2023 12:26

redsblacksoranges · 28/06/2023 12:22

I rang him at lunch and I thought I could maybe make peace but it all kicked off
He was shouting and crying saying I ruined it and he had to hang up before he said something he would regret
He said I'm selfish

But you aren't selfish and didn't ruin it. He did that. Please tell me you see that he's at fault here, not you. What do you think of everyone here saying the same thing?

redsblacksoranges · 28/06/2023 12:26

His last text

Boyfriend crying because of me,am I really horrible?
OP posts:
Mumofnarnia · 28/06/2023 12:26

redsblacksoranges · 28/06/2023 12:22

I rang him at lunch and I thought I could maybe make peace but it all kicked off
He was shouting and crying saying I ruined it and he had to hang up before he said something he would regret
He said I'm selfish

Selfish for what? He is the selfish one booking something that is absolutely nothing like what you wanted to do on your birthday! Why on earth would you want to make peace with him?

Please google the words ‘gaslighting’ and ‘emotional abuse’! Maybe THEN you might realise what he is doing to you!

Mumofnarnia · 28/06/2023 12:27

redsblacksoranges · 28/06/2023 12:26

His last text

Just reply to it and say “who cares, you are boring me with your childishness”!

GoodChat · 28/06/2023 12:27

Honestly just pack a bag and leave the prick

SirVixofVixHall · 28/06/2023 12:27

Denise82 · 28/06/2023 12:05

Do not have children or marry this man, he is not a keeper. You will have a life of misery only doing things he wants to do and never being able to do anything for yourself without being made to feel shit about it. I'd reply to his text and tell him he's pathetic and its over, list all the shit and end it now whilst it's a clean break.

Agree with this.
Don’t tie yourself forever to this manipulative man-baby by having children with him.
Also having children with a tight fisted man to whom you are not married can be disastrous for women financially.

Scruffthemagicdragon · 28/06/2023 12:28

Would you treat anyone the way he is treating you?