Boyfriend crying because of me,am I really horrible?

[redsblacksoranges]

So today

in case it's not clear from the other posts DON'T GET PREGNANT WITH THIS LOSER

He's not crying, he's a manipulative twat. Please don't apologise or try to placate him / change his mood. You have done absolutely nothing wrong.

Please read Why does he do that?
it’s free here
https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf#page219

Chapter 4. Mr Sensitive and Mr Victim (also the rest if the book is good).

Do not settle for any more spoiled birthdays.

He could have had a lovely few days with you at Blackpool where you honoured your mum. Instead he’s made it all about his fragile feelings.

Imagine 20 years from now of 20 more birthdays where he pisses over anything you want to.

You deserve so much better.

I’d be crying but only if I had to go to Blackpool!

Without being there or knowing your dynamic it’s hard to say who, if anyone, is being horrible or overreacting by crying 🤷‍♀️

@redsblacksoranges I hope you can see what's happening here. He's training you to disregard your wants and needs. It's toxic.

Babies don't just 'come along', they are born because 2 people have sex and the woman falls pregnant, and decides to keep the baby. These are things that you have control over. Have you been brought up to think that whatever 'happens' to you is OK and it's your job to put up with and make the best of it you can?

Bin him off.

I am reading all your replies sorry for not responding individually I just can't keep up.
My heads all over honestly
I hand on heart didn't think I was doing wrong (maybe I'm not )
In sat wondering how I might have handled things better
I honestly didn't think the hotel /Sunday lunch was a big deal as we can do it anytime

Do you want a lifetime of this crap?

You make things better by leaving him.

In sat wondering how I might have handled things better
You could have dumped him years ago.

He's already worked his magic on you op , you're doubting yourself when you know that he's behaving poorly and oddly. Just think , would you have started this thread if you didn't have doubts about his conduct over the last 3 years?

@redsblacksoranges

I hand on heart didn't think I was doing wrong (maybe I'm not )
In sat wondering how I might have handled things better

You're not going to take any notice of what we've all been saying, are you?

I think you both need to get a grip. Jeez

@randomuser2019 The op seems genuine to me. I didn't know which way was up after a couple of years with an abuser.

You didn't do anything wrong, he is the one being manipulative and overreacting to lay guilt on you and make you feel bad.

As others have said, do you want this for the rest of your life? He won't change because every time he acts like this and you feel bad and/or pander to him, he is learning how to get his own way and how to make you feel like shit. That's what he wants.

A genuinely good intention of booking you this hotel/restaurant would have been met with an apology when he realised it really wasn't what you wanted. Instead he is doubling down on making you feel bad and now threatening to not even do what he booked. He's just emotionally manipulating you all round. You told him several times what you wanted and he didn't care or listen and did whatever he wanted. I repeat - you did nothing wrong.

@randomuser2019 In a bright and sunny world where no one is ever mentally abused you would’ve correct. But this is sadly an everyday occurrence for many.

@randomuser2019

They don't like the T word on here. MN management I mean.

Just to add, in that text - 'the one thing I have tried to do for you'. Isn't it a red flag that this entirely selfish plan is 'the one thing'? When he's not listened to all the things you've explicitly said you wanted? It's YOUR birthday, he should be putting your needs and wants first, not ignoring them completely.

I love him but everything is on his terms

Even if this was the only information you shared about the relationship, it's insane you're planning to start a family with this man.

Having a child with someone who is fundamentally selfish and wants everything on their own terms isn't just foolish, it's irresponsible.

He clearly doesn’t want to go and see that band, and is doing everything possible to ruin it. Booking elsewhere, having strops when you could book it/pay for it. And he’s shouting at you?? Book the concert and hotel, have the birthday surprise you want. And hopefully meet a grown up man once you’re there!

And don’t have kids with him. You’ll be stuck with this shit for decades!