Found out FIL donated sperm 30-40 times, feeling unsettled

[SleepBetter]

My OH recently found out that many decades ago, before he was born, his dad donated sperm... possible 30-40 times, and never told OH. He was young and it was a way of earning extra cash. We found out because someone has been in touch claiming to be one of the donor-conceived children.

This has really unsettled me. I think sperm donation is a very generous thing to do if you've thought it through carefully, but 30 times for cash is unethical. I can see current rules are that sperm from one person can't be donated to more than 10 families, but I don't know what the rules were back then.

I am currently pregnant with our first baby. I'm upset to think OH could be one of a large number of genetic siblings, and that our baby could have a large number of half-cousins. They will never know if someone they meet could be a genetic relative.

I'm just struggling to get my head around it all. How would you feel? Am I over-reacting? Conscious pregnancy hormones might also be playing a role.

Overreacting, congratulations on your pregnancy.

Massive over reaction

I think you're overreacting from the perspective of your baby having half cousins. I could understand your OH feeling very unsettled from his own perspective though.

I don’t think it’s really any of your business and you’re massively overreacting to be honest.

ew
i think its dangerous not knowing who your blood relatives are , thats how inbreeding happens , maybe in the future i would encourage your dc to do dna testing before relationships

This is less about you, really and more about your DH? He’s impacted by it far more.

I don't think I would be inclined to give it much more thought. It was a very common practice many years ago. Some students used to do it to supplement their grants.

I'm sure it has had plenty of consequences though. There may well be donor conceived children who have no idea who their biological parents are, for example. If they know that they are donor conceived.

Are you for real?

Thanks everyone. I hear the consensus. I wouldn't say it's 'none of my business' though and appreciate it's a bigger deal for OH - I am supporting him separately, but have my own emotions to process too and this post was about those.

Half cousins is REALLY not how inbreeding happens.

And say it is as many as 30 out there, the chances of your not even born DC ending up in a relationship with one is vanishingly small.

I think it’s the pregnancy hormones here op, take a breath.

Any of us could meet someone we don’t know is a genetic distant relative.

I was friends with a girl for 2 years. We had no clue we were related until she turned up at my Nanas wake.

This thread is about your feelings. But I don’t understand why this is such a big deal to you. It’s doesn’t make your OH any less his fathers son. It doesn’t actually change anything. And I don’t know why you are stuck on how many times it happened? How is it ok to do, but they at some point becomes unethical? Who is being harmed by it?

Your 'own emotions'?

About what, it isnt anything to do with you except for supporting your OH through whatever emotions he has about having perhaps siblings.

30 potential aunts and uncles, each will have thier own kids average 2 each ,
so it can be a problem if they live in the same town

yes

Absolutely none of your business

You are massively over reacting here.

It would completely freak me out too, I don’t think you’re unreasonable in the slightest!

Huh?

Those people are distant relations to your unborn child especially as they are half- relations.

If your child ends up marrying one of their children or more likely grandchildren, as after all those genetic siblings are older than your OH, then it isn't an issue.

Members of my family have found out friends their children have been playing with for years are actually our second, third, fourth and fifth cousins plus add in the removes. We have a lot of relations.

The issue is for your OH.

I don't think you are unreasonable at all OP

Unlikely.

I genuinely don’t think it has anything to do with you, OP - your husband definitely yes.

I think you're catastrophising here. You don't even know if that's his child yet, and what are the chances all of his donations resulted in pregnancy 40 years ago?

Massive overreaction, it really is nothing to do with you. You don’t get to decide how many times is ethical. Think of all the families he’s helped.

Definitely overreacting. It's crazy to donate and 30 times too! But I don't see what that really has to do with you or child much. I suppose he could run into a possible family member unknowingly.

What he did was unethical and he wouldn't be allowed to do that if he donated via a clinic today. My main concern would be for my husband however, this must be a big shock for him.