Found out FIL donated sperm 30-40 times, feeling unsettled

[SleepBetter]

My OH recently found out that many decades ago, before he was born, his dad donated sperm... possible 30-40 times, and never told OH. He was young and it was a way of earning extra cash. We found out because someone has been in touch claiming to be one of the donor-conceived children.

This has really unsettled me. I think sperm donation is a very generous thing to do if you've thought it through carefully, but 30 times for cash is unethical. I can see current rules are that sperm from one person can't be donated to more than 10 families, but I don't know what the rules were back then.

I am currently pregnant with our first baby. I'm upset to think OH could be one of a large number of genetic siblings, and that our baby could have a large number of half-cousins. They will never know if someone they meet could be a genetic relative.

I'm just struggling to get my head around it all. How would you feel? Am I over-reacting? Conscious pregnancy hormones might also be playing a role.

Agree with this (for now). This will be a huge shock to your DH, so even though I think this will be an issue for your children and the risk of dating/marrying a close relative at the moment the focus should be with your DH. The other issue about this ime is if siblings do come into contact it is highly likely they will have some issues/trauma over being a result of a sperm donor so it's unlikely to be straightforward positive encounters (not initially anyway)

Says a lot about British people?

Do you realise that it’s legal in a lot of countries. Most of the US, in Many European countries it’s legal Most people don’t actually do it. Most people wouldn’t contemplate it. It’s legal in large parts of the world.

The genetic risk is if several continuous generations marry cousins.

Do you believe Britain is the country where this happens most? You don’t even know if the posters here are British. I wasn’t born in Great Britain though I live here now.

@ZebraDilemma it might not be a big shock to the FIL that he donated sperm but it might have been a big shock if a resultant child of a donation contacted him.

At the time he donated it was all about making childless couples parents (although to FIL it was probably all about the money, students were encouraged to do this). No thought whatsoever about the resultant child, hence donations were anonymous.

Nowadays it is recognised, as with adoption, the priority should be the child and that knowing their genetic history is a right they should have.

He didn't broadcast it. He got contacted by a potential child.