My parents have never given af about my Birthday...

[Champagneponies]

First off, I'm not trying to come off as superficial. I just want to know if this is normal?

I'm in the 30's and for as long as I can remember my parents have never really celebrated my birthday. There are pictures of when I was 5 with a birthday cake and party - so as a young child they did celebrate. However there was nothing after maybe 5 years old..
I would get a card and a 'Happy Birthday' and occasionally a small gift. But for my 16th, 18th, 21st no celebration. I've always expressed a wish for a party and shown I would love a cake or something, but they deem this as needless and superficial. Which I guess it is in a way, but I've always felt it would be nice just to - you know - enjoy it. It hurts when I see my friends parents throwing them parties and meals etc.

I have recently surpassed 30 and didn't even get a card. I got a phonecall to wish me happy birthday.

Is this normal? For my own DC I make a huge fuss so they never feel as I do.

"Is this normal?" isn't really the right question. Did you otherwise feel loved and supported? Did they show their love in other ways, maybe more practical ones? Or did their love always feel conditional, or did they withhold it, or were they always a bit cold emotionally?

If the latter, there's your issue that needs working through, professionally or otherwise. If the former, maybe it was a bit unusual but not that big a deal. I know a few families where birthdays are only marked in casual, low-key ways. DP and his sister exchange brief text messages for each other's birthdays, on average four days late. They've still got a great, strong relationship.

Is it?

OP says they had parties as a young child, but not when she was older / an adult. She got cards and gifts though, which I never did after childhood. I’d get birthday money, but that’s it, no cake or anything. If we wanted a party as teens, we could have one, but we organised it ourselves.

I got a text for my 30th and 40th. When my mum is with me on my birthday I’ll get a hug and a “happy birthday”.

OP hasn’t suggested she was treated differently from siblings or other family members, she acknowledges that her parents just aren’t into birthdays and that they love her very much. She just wants a party and asked if everyone else’s parents are throwing their adult children parties and meals every year. They’re not.

Maybe there’s more to it, but OP hasn’t said so. The idea that parents who don’t do birthdays aren’t loving is offensive.

its very thoughtless in my book .

Dh's birthday is 30th December.. From 13 his dps went to Portugal just before Xmas every year... Came back first week in January..
LEAVING HIM AT HOME. no fucking Christmas never mind a birthday.. Needless to say I have been nc since our dc was born and all this shit emerged (to me)..

I would say that's not right. My parents told me they weren't going to celebrate my 16th birthday. It's very unfair. I mean if you have siblings and they got a birthday and you didn't it seemed very unfair and you felt left out. My birthday is in 11 days and no one has celebrated my birthday. I just gave up on celebrating it and crossed it out of my calendar. Yes, I know I shouldn't do that but what's the point in having a celebration when no one is going to celebrate with you. You should be able to celebrate your birthday and be able to get what you want on your birthday and have the respect for your birthday. For those who haven't gotten a happy birthday on their birthday, Happy Birthday!
-Petty Officer Wilson.

Happy birthday!

My husband's parents are like this. They never even call him on his birthday. Very different to my parents, who always buy gifts and make a fuss. As I do with my children, and will always do. We only live once, why not spread the love and joy to your own children?

In our culture, no, it's not normal.

I know these type of people OP because my ex was one of them. They have a very blinkered, self-centred view of their relationships with people. If something is not important for them, it shouldn't be important for you either. They basically decide what your needs should be for you.

If they celebrate their own and other people but not yours they are not nice people.
If they don't celebrate any they may be like me that consider a birthday day just another day in the calendar. Goes against the majority but I don't think that birthday days are special. So for them is normal not to celebrate birthdays.

I celebrate it for my kid but I pretty much doubt I'm going to make her a party for her, 13 etc etc and 21.

I’m sorry. So they do usually celebrate birthdays but they’re not going to celebrate yours? What was their reasoning?

You should still plan something nice for yourself for the day. Be your own best friend.

People are strange re birthdays. My mother gave me nothing when 50. Mean! That did hurt.

They don't normal celebrate my birthday they haven't for years. They only did that when I was younger. Now they started to not care. I will try to do something for myself on my birthday but I don't know yet.
-Petty Officer WIlson.

Hello, That's sad. I have always thought of birthdays as being special. My mum would often forget my birthday entirely. Not even calling me. My husband also feels birthdays are special and should be celebrated so we now go away most of my birthdays to celebrate. This year I turned 50. My husband made a big deal and took me away with our kids for 2 nights. No phone call on the day and after we got home from being away she didn't see me for 2 days. When she did come over she gave me a card with $30 in it. Im not being ungrateful. Now it's my sisters birthday coming up and guess what. She organised a cake for her to take to church to celebrate her birthday. WTF. She even asked me if I was interested in going to the church to celebrate p.s sister turning 41 so not a big one like 50. argh

Same here but it's not normal and it's not okay! Mine's the day after Christmas so I always heard "This is for your birthday and your Christmas" and one of my Christmas gifts would be wrapped in pink paper. My aunt's bday was close to mine, so they would get one cake on her bday and draw a line down the middle and that was supposed to be my party. I never had a real birthday of my own. All my friends and my siblings had birthdays and gifts, I never understood why they didn't feel bad ignoring mine. Two of my kids have birthdays around Christmas and New Years and even though it's a lot of money with 4 kids Christmases and 2 birthdays I go all out for them. I also let them choose a day in spring or summer to have a party with friends. I don't even bother acknowledging my bday, and no one else remembers either. It hurts my feelings even now but it's also my normal so I don't say anything.

I’m afraid some people are just joyless. We never celebrated birthdays growing up and now as an adult I make sure to make every birthday memorable (usually by going away for my birthday), rather than dwelling on ‘missed’ birthdays.

Same here op. My parents were not too bad as a child but from around age 11 they just stopped bothering. My 16th, 18th, 21st, 30th - I had to organise my own birthday because they really didn’t give a damn about it. They do get me a card and present but it’s because they know it’s the done thing and so they can say they got me something! No thought ever really goes into it and they don’t care about my feelings or how I will feel about the gift they get me. For example last year I got a set of gardening sheers (the cheapest ones they could find from Argos) for my 40th!! Just for the sake of saying they got me a present and because the edges of the garden needed trimming. They do not care if it’s not what I would have wanted for my birthday. If I’d have wanted some damn sheers I would have got some! For my 30th I asked if they could get in touch with a few family members so that I could have a small gathering! They never bothered! My mum never puts any thought into the cards she buys me either. I know for a fact she just plucks the first one she can find off the shelf, buys it, writes on it and then puts it in the envelope.

It’s the same at Xmas too. They bought me a pair of black tights last year. I wear black tights all the time so they are just something I buy myself on a regular basis, nothing special! I just find it so upsetting when I hear of other families who put a lot of thought into their grown up children’s birthdays.

I’m now at the point where I downplay my own birthday and do not like receiving gifts or any form of nice treatment because I feel I’m not worthy of it.