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Original poster

Showed my boyfriend my scan & he replied saying he wanted to drive into a brick wall.

254 replies

Ditd93 · 20/06/2023 13:15

As much as this is supposed to be a wonderful time for me, I’m over the moon that I’m expecting my first child but my partner isn’t interested at all. His suffering from depression and takes everything out on me and is completely in denial.

I went to my scan on my own after he showed no interest in coming with me. I laid there in tears looking at my beautiful 3 month old baby wriggling around, it was incredible. I thought I’ll send him a picture to evoke some sort of response and he replied saying “I feel like driving my car into a brick wall” so I said that’s not very nice & he responded with “I’m sorry I’ll lie next time” then he proceeded to tell me I bring all the darkness to the surface.
for reference we’ve been together 5 years, started off great - he was very attentive and caring to me & then fast forward to now he has been using drugs and drinking every single day (for 2 years to be exact) he has completely changed in to a person I don’t even recognise. When his indoors he just watches YouTube and stares into Space & when he goes out the only thing he is interested in is metal detecting.

I’ve tried to support him and help him but the more I try to care he just pushes me away. He constantly tells me he fantasises about leaving me when I’m sleeping & that his going to his mothers but he never dies, I even said “go on then, I’ll help you pack” to which he ignores.

he has kids from a previous relationship that he sees often so it’s hurtful that when he saw my baby on photo his only response was “wow I want to die after seeing that” (basically)

the pregnancy wasn’t planned but we was having sex unprotected everyday for years (he was aware I wasn’t on the pill) and now his acting like it was a “set up” even though I told him I wanted children of my own.

I don’t see the light in this anymore & im really unhappy being around him. He tells me I’m boring, slags off my looks (I’m fairly attractive 30 year old and he is 43 years old and a bit fat - but I didn’t care - I loved him for who he WAS)

I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m stuck in a rut, I’m keeping my baby that’s for definite but I don’t see him changing anytime soon. He even stopped me from going out with him & his kids even though we all got on really well & I enjoyed their company.

OP posts:
Sandra1984 · 20/06/2023 17:05

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 20/06/2023 15:49

If you know the woman you are having regular sex with isn't on the pill with no other contraception being used and she then then gets pregnant you have not been "forcibly" made to be a parent. Nothing of the sort.

Show quote history

True.

Lacucuracha · 20/06/2023 17:14

Menopants · 20/06/2023 13:24

As ever such a helpful comment.

Show quote history

I think in this case it's a valid one, because it sounds like he's been spaced out and checked out for years, he hasn't changed after pregnancy 3 months ago.

Lacucuracha · 20/06/2023 17:15

Sandra1984 · 20/06/2023 15:15

I’m aware it takes two to tango and this man should not be having sex unprotected but I too would be angry if I was forcibly made to become a parent when I didn’t wanted to. I’m a bit shocked at your mess OP, specially getting pregnant from a drug addicted alcoholic.

How has he forcibly been made a parent? He's been having unprotected sex with her for years, with his full knowledge!

123wdcd · 20/06/2023 17:15

Draw a firm line - no more drugs, only social drinking/no drinking and getting help for his depression. If not leave. If he gets help and still treats you badly, leave.

SadScuatch · 20/06/2023 17:16

Leave

Whippetlovely · 20/06/2023 17:17

MammaTo · 20/06/2023 13:47

Why did you decide to get pregnant with this man? It will always baffle me why people want to tie themselves to people like this for life. You’re creating a lifetime of unhappiness for you and your baby.
I know this may be victim blaming and he’s known you wasn’t on contraception but even going on the pill or getting the coil might of avoided this.

The only victim here is the baby. This makes me so cross. So many women say their kids father is useless yet they knew this before and chose to have a baby and now the child is the one who suffers. It’s so selfish. Get out now and do not let this man near your child if he is taking drugs. Use this time to sort your situation out before the baby comes.

TherapistInATabard · 20/06/2023 17:18

Leave. He sounds absolutely awful. Is his depression diagnosed or are you just making excuses for an abusive arsehole who treats you with zero respect and has checked out of the relationship. You will be far far happier alone! None of this is your fault and you’ve already given so much of yourself trying to make this knobhead happy. Enough!

ActDottie · 20/06/2023 17:19

EmmaGrundyForPM · 20/06/2023 13:24

You need to leave.

Also, you did have a planned pregnancy. You didn't use contraception "for years" whilst having regular sex. That's not unplanned.

This! It was planned! Take some responsibility for the situation you are in. You have a child to think of now so you need to leave in the best interests of your child. The child comes first now.

Coffeelotsofcoffee · 20/06/2023 17:19

Leave. You'll have to just view him as a donor.
You obviously wanted a baby as you made the choice to get pregnant so on your part it was planned .

Be a single mum and own it. You've got this !

Twillow · 20/06/2023 17:25

It's him or the baby. And you really want the baby, don't you.

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 20/06/2023 17:26

Isn’t it strange that all the depressed men talked about on here are never too depressed to have sex?

Silverseas1 · 20/06/2023 17:28

Jenjen21 · 20/06/2023 17:02

Congrats on your pregnancy, I'm so sorry you're going through this with your partner. Please let your maternity hosp/midwife know of your situation so they can support you. I hope you have good family /friend support too xxx

This!

ElEmEnOhPee · 20/06/2023 17:28

Leave and don't put his name on the birth certificate (yet - it can be added later if he sorts his shit out)

Summerpetal · 20/06/2023 17:30

Why were u having un protected sex for 2 years with a drug addict
you reap what you sew I’m afraid
what on earth made u think he wanted another child
oh ,no sorry ,it was u who wanted a child …that’s good then you’ve got one .
this is how it will be from now on ,you begging him to show your child love and affection,
whilst he rejects your child for playing happy families with his kids .

MsRosley · 20/06/2023 17:33

Man ejaculated into a woman repeatedly without taking any steps to prevent a pregnancy then complains he was 'set up'. I couldn't live with that level of hypocrisy and self-delusion. What a wanker.

Gymnopedie · 20/06/2023 17:33

I went to my scan on my own after he showed no interest in coming with me. I laid there in tears looking at my beautiful 3 month old baby wriggling around, it was incredible.

Sorry OP but it sounds like you so much wanted a baby that you were prepared to put up with his shit to get it. If he had suddenly changed when you got pregnant that's one thing, but you had at least two years of this first. I couldn't face sex with someone who treated me the way he treated you.

MsRosley · 20/06/2023 17:34

Summerpetal · 20/06/2023 17:30

Why were u having un protected sex for 2 years with a drug addict
you reap what you sew I’m afraid
what on earth made u think he wanted another child
oh ,no sorry ,it was u who wanted a child …that’s good then you’ve got one .
this is how it will be from now on ,you begging him to show your child love and affection,
whilst he rejects your child for playing happy families with his kids .

What a horrible post.

mycoffeecup · 20/06/2023 17:35

MsRosley · 20/06/2023 17:34

What a horrible post.

Show quote history

kind of true though.............
FFS 'I wasn't trying to get pregnant.........I was having unprotected sex for a year' what's that all about?

GreenIsMyFavoriteColour · 20/06/2023 17:37

Outdamnspot23 · 20/06/2023 16:45

He might be depressed but that's not the main factor, the main factor is that he's an absolute shit of a man plus he has addiction problems and is abusive.

You don't need him, just cut him off. I'm the age he was when you two got together and if I set up with a 25 year old there'd be a massive inequality of experience. He took advantage of you being young.

Everyone posting about the taxpayer etc, lay off - for all you know OP is a millionaire.

  1. Whatever we think of the bloke he's the loser here. The OP is the winner, she's got the baby she wanted. He's been manipulated not her.

  2. If she's a millionaire, great, that solves a lot of the problems. I assumed she wasn't.

MsRosley · 20/06/2023 17:37

@mycoffeecup Why is preventing pregnancy just OP's problem? She wanted a child, he didn't. He should have done something to stop it then, or is contraception simply a woman's responsibility?

SunIsShininInTheSky · 20/06/2023 17:38

Why did you ever think it was smart to get pregnant with this man's baby? Why? You literally don't have a single positive thing to say about him, you don't even appear to like him? I'm not sure what you are expecting from this post? You clearly wanted to be pregnant, you are, so mission accomplished. You've chosen to do this, this isn't an accidental pregnancy so I'm sure you had being a single mum all planned out. Dump him and have your baby I guess.

user1471538283 · 20/06/2023 17:38

He needs to grow up. I would be tempted to tell him to do it. He is enjoying upsetting you

Tell him to leave tonight

justanothermanicmonday1 · 20/06/2023 17:40

Yeah, there is absolutely no way in hell I would stay in a relationship with a person like this. I would never ever bring a child into that type of environment. You'll be so much happier without him. Trust me. Don't look back.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 20/06/2023 17:41

And also don't put him on the birth certificate!

WonderfulUsername · 20/06/2023 17:41

No idea why you two would think it was a good idea not to use protection, when one prospective parent has been drinking and doing drugs every day for the last two years.

But now you're pregnant and you know he's not going to change so you two need to spit up.

Good luck OP, I'm sure you can do it.