Showed my boyfriend my scan & he replied saying he wanted to drive into a brick wall.

[Ditd93]

As much as this is supposed to be a wonderful time for me, I’m over the moon that I’m expecting my first child but my partner isn’t interested at all. His suffering from depression and takes everything out on me and is completely in denial.

I went to my scan on my own after he showed no interest in coming with me. I laid there in tears looking at my beautiful 3 month old baby wriggling around, it was incredible. I thought I’ll send him a picture to evoke some sort of response and he replied saying “I feel like driving my car into a brick wall” so I said that’s not very nice & he responded with “I’m sorry I’ll lie next time” then he proceeded to tell me I bring all the darkness to the surface.
for reference we’ve been together 5 years, started off great - he was very attentive and caring to me & then fast forward to now he has been using drugs and drinking every single day (for 2 years to be exact) he has completely changed in to a person I don’t even recognise. When his indoors he just watches YouTube and stares into Space & when he goes out the only thing he is interested in is metal detecting.

I’ve tried to support him and help him but the more I try to care he just pushes me away. He constantly tells me he fantasises about leaving me when I’m sleeping & that his going to his mothers but he never dies, I even said “go on then, I’ll help you pack” to which he ignores.

he has kids from a previous relationship that he sees often so it’s hurtful that when he saw my baby on photo his only response was “wow I want to die after seeing that” (basically)

the pregnancy wasn’t planned but we was having sex unprotected everyday for years (he was aware I wasn’t on the pill) and now his acting like it was a “set up” even though I told him I wanted children of my own.

I don’t see the light in this anymore & im really unhappy being around him. He tells me I’m boring, slags off my looks (I’m fairly attractive 30 year old and he is 43 years old and a bit fat - but I didn’t care - I loved him for who he WAS)

I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m stuck in a rut, I’m keeping my baby that’s for definite but I don’t see him changing anytime soon. He even stopped me from going out with him & his kids even though we all got on really well & I enjoyed their company.

Leave.

And please don’t think he’ll come around when baby is here. There are some men who realise they don’t want to be dads when faced with the reality of a crying baby. There are very few or none who come around from such a negative starting position when faced with such a reality

To be fair are we not all thinking it?

This wasn't a sudden change its been 2 YEARS of abuse and yet she came off the the pill and deliberately tried (yes not using contraception for regular sex is trying) for those 2 years to get pregnant because she wanted a baby.

I'm pretty damn unjudgemental because I have friends in all different walks of parenting but this was a bloody obvious scenario based on OPs own description of the situation so why do she choose to do it and how is she suddenly suprised.

You need to get away from that man and get someone decent. Don't throw your life down the drain for a bloke who doesn't care about you.

I just don’t know what to do.

Really? You have no clue what you need to do?

Poor child.

He's not here asking for advice and he is being judged by everyone who has called him "twat", "loser", "dick", "manipulative", "vindictive", "junkie", etc

I’m sorry but why did you get pregnant by him? )I’d say the exact thing to him too)

you’re having a baby with a man with severe depression and who drinks and uses drugs daily…..smh.

DTMFA
'Dump the motherfucker already'

leave when it's safe to and then let him do what he wants to himself. You and your baby live a lovely life without him 🌸

He might be depressed but that's not the main factor, the main factor is that he's an absolute shit of a man plus he has addiction problems and is abusive.

You don't need him, just cut him off. I'm the age he was when you two got together and if I set up with a 25 year old there'd be a massive inequality of experience. He took advantage of you being young.

Everyone posting about the taxpayer etc, lay off - for all you know OP is a millionaire.

No question about it-leave. He sounds hotrible, abusive and unhinged. You and your baby are not safe with him.

Women are not always victims, but they’re also not responsible for the shitty actions of men.

Get out now.

This guy is a complete loser.

Christ alive. I despair.

I'm an intelligent, measured, responsible, happily married, financially solvent, home owning childfree by choice 39 year old and posts like this make me so fucking angry at anyone who has ever DARED to question people like me on my decision.

When people like THIS are so thoughtlessly and recklessly bringing kids into the most dire of circumstances.

Why did you choose him to be the father of your child? Genuinely interested why people would pick someone on drugs and drink.

Congratulations, you have give your child the gift of a useless, drug abusing father. Now leave and get your innocent baby far, far away from him you foolish woman.

This is the most sensible comment I've seen!

My XH was a loser but even he had some redeeming qualities. The OP doesn't say a single positive comment about her DP; in fact the description is almost laughable in its negativity and this isn't a recent transformation; the bloke has always been a twat so it seems.

And then we learn she was having unprotected sex with him.

What does she want people to say? That he'll have a personality transplant and become husband/ dad of the year because that, as we all know, won't happen!

This and the others like it are so completely unhelpful for the OP and anyone else reading.

Presumably there are more complicated things at play in OP's life that have led her to put up with this relationship up to now. Maybe low self esteem? Do you really think your messages will help with this? She needs to build herself up to leave and live an independent life where she's proof against the next loser she meets.

Exactly! What were you thinking bringing a child into this mess? Obviously leave and put your planned child first.

Intentionally breeding with a man whose only actions are shitty is a pretty shitty action.

A ridiculous, avoidable situation to have gotten yourselves into, but the only thing you can do now is walk away from him and make the best of the situation for yourself and baby.

They might be useful if anyone reading is in a similar relationship and thinking about starting a family.

Congrats on your pregnancy, I'm so sorry you're going through this with your partner. Please let your maternity hosp/midwife know of your situation so they can support you. I hope you have good family /friend support too xxx

There already is a similar thread of someone asking what she should do, she wants kids with her addict partner and he says he’ll get his act together when she gets pregnant 🫠

Christ run for your life and protect yourself and your baby- life with him is a highway to the hell.