See scenes on TV...

[FeelingUgly]

Do sex scenes on TV make anyone else feel inadequate?

I'm talking sex scenes in normal TV programmes and films.

I check imdb before I watch anything and won't watch if the sex/nudity rating is above none or mild. Tbh, even mild makes me feel uncomfortable.

If my partner puts something on and I don't feel I can watch it, I make excuses to leave - shower, tidying the kitchen, work to so, shattered and need an early night... none of them implausible reasons.

I have a really strong physical reaction to them (fight or flight response) so it's not something I can ignore.

I'd never say anything to him and I don't. But it's kills my libido knowing he's watched it. I just don't feel attractive in myself at all. I can't see how he would want to have sex with me or even find me attractive at all after watching them.

He's currently watching Peaky Blinders. I watched the first episode a couple of years ago and found it boring but I know there's a lot of sex in it. There's only so much I can find to do to busy myself in the evenings.

I can't even watch stuff on my own.

Sex scenes. Obviously!

Is it insecurity that the women are better than you? That I can definitely relate to, not so much with sex scenes but with other examples.
As in 'I bet you wish I looked more like that' sort of way?

Probably.

How can he not feel a bit deflated after watching women who look like that, who are dressed sexily, who are behaving very confident sexually when he is presented with me?

I'd rather not have sex at all tbh than be a constant disappointment or with someone whose mind must be elsewhere

I just don't seem how he can find me attractive at all. I feel he's just having sex with me because he's been sexually aroused elsewhere.

If he was watching porn or programmes that revolved around sex then sure he could stop doing so when you're also there, but it sounds like he's watching regular programmes that happen to have sex scenes in them. You seem to recognise which is good that it's your insecurity that's the issue, you need to try and address it before it ruins your relationship. I dated a man who was similar, I loved spending time with him and I found him incredibly good looking- he was so insecure that although I did my best to support him it was draining and I had no option but to end it for my own sanity. It's a shame because I do think otherwise we might have gone the distance.

Despite posts on here to the contrary that men would have sex with anything and anyone it's not true. If he didn't have a sexual attraction to you he wouldn't have sex with you. When I see sex scenes with men in I can find the man objectively attractive but don't then find DH a disasapointment or whatever else.

Sorry you’re going through thi.

I do understand, I hare sex scenes too and I also check paren’t guide before choosing what to watch.

My reasons are because I hare women being objectified and reduced to just that.
I am also sex repulsed, so that’s another reason.

Back to your problem, maybe you should start to choose what to watch, the one’s you’ve checked out that don’t have nudity/sex scenes?

And please, don’t have sex you don’t want to have, that will destroy you in the end.
It’s a heartbreaking place to be at.

My reasons are because I hare women being objectified

This is a lot of it for me too. Rarely see male nudity. Never see scenes where men are raped for the entertainment for the pleasure of the audience.

That's an incredibly strong reaction to something very innocuous.

I would entirely understand if it was a violent/rape scene (I fast forward through these, and DH does to) but just a normal scene? Where to be fair you never see anything much?

I'd suggest therapy actually, not so you watch them, but so you can unlock and work on this absolutely devastating low self esteem you have.

Try Bridgerton....lots of male "nudity" in that.

There is a big swing at the moment for more male nudity/topless scenes.

I do 100% agree with the VWAG/Rape of women Vs men however.

Yep.
Same thoughts here.

It's not an innocuous thing and Bridgterton's male nudity is usually portrayed by actors who are homosexual or playing a homosexual role so it doesn't really count in the extent of making a straight guys body conscious or give them a taste of the body insecurity because we already know that gay men generally tend to be better looking and more groomed. An equivalent to make a straight guy insecure is another straight hot guy like, idk maybe hugh jackman when he was ripped.

Outlander has a male rape scene but those are rare.

I'm.quite prudish and can't watch them. I always leave the room.

But I also think sex is private. Don't know why it needs to be shoved into every TV show.

I didn't watch Game of Thrones because of all the sex. It's revolting and no I'm not asexual and have a few kinks I just don't like actress casting and nudity for the sake of titillation and the benefit of the male gaze rather than being relevant to the story. Smut isn't sexy. I just skip the scenes or don't watch at all.

Neither do I, but that's different to the crux of OPs problem which is insecurities.

I’m actually really glad you posted this op, and some of the commentors.
It’s funny (not really) this push, push, push for female nudity and explicit sex scenes and how these makers like to claim they are being brave or whatever.
When I actually think it’s brave to say I don’t like it. i don’t want to watch this.

I don't really want to watch naked men or men being raped if I'm honest with you. I don't want to watch sex scenes at all.

Part of it is insecurity but that has risen from realising that these sex scenes are put into films for men amd not liking how wen are objectified.

I feel second rate. It's like these are the women you'd rather be with so here, something to think about later when you're with your woman. I wonder of he wishes I looked more like them, dressed more like them, behaved more like them. And some of th are quite explicit now. But even when they're not, I still feel the same.

I'm at the point of wondering if I should just break up with him so that I don't feel like this. Or at least it wouldn't matter when I do.

Honestly OP, this is an extreme reaction to something millions of people watch and don’t care about.

It sounds like you have self esteem issues. Have you considered counselling?

I don’t like watching sex scenes either and I switch off if it’s a rape or sexual assault scene. I was attacked twice as a teen and after all these years it still makes me react.

I think that by focussing on whether other people feel like you do, you're actually avoiding the real issue here: you have debilitating insecurities regarding sex/your own sexual attractiveness.

Where does this come from? Issues with TV scenes are a symptom. They're not the problem.

You will feel like this with any man unless your address your feelings of inadequacy. I'm sure he finds you very attractive and if he treats you well I'm sure he loves you. Him watching sex scenes as part of a programme like peaky blinders in which I agree it's not needed but similarly its not why people watch it doesn't feel like something to break up over unless you're suggesting he only watches programmes you decide are okay?!

I'd suggest psycho-sexual therapy to explore your reaction to these scenes.

I'd wish for none of them because they are so unrealistic and the double standards mentioned earlier. Also no reference to condoms or other forms of contraception.