See scenes on TV...

[FeelingUgly]

Do sex scenes on TV make anyone else feel inadequate?

I'm talking sex scenes in normal TV programmes and films.

I check imdb before I watch anything and won't watch if the sex/nudity rating is above none or mild. Tbh, even mild makes me feel uncomfortable.

If my partner puts something on and I don't feel I can watch it, I make excuses to leave - shower, tidying the kitchen, work to so, shattered and need an early night... none of them implausible reasons.

I have a really strong physical reaction to them (fight or flight response) so it's not something I can ignore.

I'd never say anything to him and I don't. But it's kills my libido knowing he's watched it. I just don't feel attractive in myself at all. I can't see how he would want to have sex with me or even find me attractive at all after watching them.

He's currently watching Peaky Blinders. I watched the first episode a couple of years ago and found it boring but I know there's a lot of sex in it. There's only so much I can find to do to busy myself in the evenings.

I can't even watch stuff on my own.

I get where you're coming from.
I have vitiligo fairly extensively, including in the genital area. So for me, I could have the most amazing body, have surgery to achieve the perfect body even, but I'll always look weird and odd and not even close to the kinds of bodies we see on screen. I'm stuck with it for life and it makes me extremely under confident because I know no matter what I do, I can't change it.
It's really awful feeling this way, so you have my sympathies xxx

AlwaysReadyNeverSteady

Thank you.

Although, and maybe this is something I need to be more aware of myself, I always think vitiligo looks stunning. My grandma had it and I know a mixed race child who has it.

My grandma was white so it was only really noticeable when she tanned (and I don't think we ever thought anything of it - it was just part of what made her different to everyone else and my grandma) but the child I know looks amazing!

No, not like people on the TV but she will be equally stunning when she is older, I'm sure.

I think maybe part of the problem is that I've internalised that there is only one way to be attractive and, if you don't look like that, then you're just not. Full stop.

My boyfriend has never said anything negative to me about my body. The opposite in fact. It's all coming from me.

But I'm also aware from posting on here that there isn't one single root cause of the problem so maybe i do need to look at therapy.

Because even when I do think I look OK, I am reminded almost immediately that I'm just trying to make the best out of a bad situation (and who am i kidding?) and I'm not actually OK at all.

I do think you are mistaken in thinking that people are necessarily sexually aroused by watching films or tv programmes with nudity or sexual content. Most of the time it's just part of the plot and about what is happening to the characters. Imo it is perfectly normal to think a character is attractive without actually becoming aroused by what you're watching.

Reading your latest posts, I wonder if the root of your problem is that you're repulsed by the idea of men having sexual desires at all (understandably so based on your traumatic past experience, which sounds horrific). And so in order to be able to think of your partner - or anyone else - as a good man you have to believe on some level that they must also feel this way, i.e. repulsion at the thought of feeling sexual attaction towards you, which is manifesting as the belief that you're inherently ugly and undesirable, and that anything you do to try and make yourself seem attractive will just disgust them more.

I'm totally projecting here and might be way off the mark but does that resonate at all? If it does I think any future therapy is going to have to focus on untangling sex from ideas of violence/danger/shame in your mind, and I second a PP that specialist psychosexual therapy could be the route to go down if possible.

Reading your latest posts, I wonder if the root of your problem is that you're repulsed by the idea of men having sexual desires at all (understandably so based on your traumatic past experience, which sounds horrific). And so in order to be able to think of your partner - or anyone else - as a good man you have to believe on some level that they must also feel this way, i.e. repulsion at the thought of feeling sexual attaction towards you, which is manifesting as the belief that you're inherently ugly and undesirable, and that anything you do to try and make yourself seem attractive will just disgust them more.

I had to read your post 5 times! I hadn't even considered that as a possibility!

But it would make a lot of sense in the context of my life in general.

Eg I don't feel flattered by male attention in any way. Sometimes I feel disappointed by it sometimes I feel 🙄 at it. But never flattered.

The last couple of lines about trying to make myself more attractive definitely rings true.

As does the bit about violence, danger and shame.

With respect, I don't think so. Women on this thread have admitted feeling turned on by sex scenes.

With respect, I don't think so. Women on this thread have admitted feeling turned on by sex scenes.

Yes, people can be aroused by tv sex scenes, but I don't think it's usual. They're generally not particularly erotic.

With respect, I don't think so. Women on this thread have admitted feeling turned on by sex scenes.

I didn't say nobody ever was, just that you probably can't assume everyone is.

Women's bits are so revolting. They're horrible to look at. Penises are much better to look at