He went on a date with someone else

[usersunisdulltoday]

I've been dating a man for a while snd everything had been great (about 8 dates in) chemistry and I really thought we were on the same page snd he liked me, we have been sleeping together and before that happened I had stated I wasn't interested in sleeping with anyone that was still seeing others and he agreed.

Last night I saw him on a date with another woman!! I'm pretty gutted and now see that actually he isn't very interested in me snd is just keeping me around while he looks for the right one.

I'm battling with myself now, if I say something or not.... do I have a right to say anything

You don't have to say anything. Just stop replying to his texts and don;t agree to see him again.

Garden up and be a bit more aloof with guys. They always think there's someone better round the corner.

Harden not garden FFS

This. I was once with a Cousin and people thought he was a date. 🙄Just get the facts before you do anything final!

I’d just send a text saying “Saw you out last night. with that and you lying about being home, I’m out”. Then just don’t reply and block if you need to. No point hashing it out in person after just 8 weeks. Sorry he has been an arse about it though, that’s a shit way to find out.

I'm so baffled by this. That's absolutely not what she says. Is English not your first language?

I would block and delete.

If he's the sort of man who will go on dates while in an active new relationship, you've lost absolutely nothing other than a little bit of pride. This could have been 6 or 12 months down the line when you'd really invested.

He won't care what you think. So don't give him the satisfaction.

Garden up and be a bit more aloof with guys. They always think there's someone better round the corner.

This is such a silly thing to say.

Yes, there are some men like this and, yes, most of them are OLD.

But sometimes, there is someome better round the corner - or better suited to them at least.

And the same goes for women. Otherwise, we'd all marry the first person we ever dated.

You were very clear that you did not want to sleep with someone who was seeing other people.

So block and delete.

No need to explain - he knows what he's done wrong.

The right?! Of course you blooming do. It’s a text at best, ‘I wish you the best but this isn’t working for me’. And you’re done.

You don’t need to get into a debate or give him any more space in your life.

I'd just send a text saying I saw you out on a date pal . You said you were home , it's funny that because it was around then I saw you with a woman at xx
No time for liars . Would have been fine with it if you'd been honest .

Lucky escape for you. Face to face vote for me also.

It's more odd that you don't realise that humans have a wide range of behaviour. People with different personalities/temperaments will react differently. People can also react differently due to past experiences, or age, maturity or level of confidence.
And also even similar people can react differently to upset or a shock.

It's not odd to have a freeze response to a shock like that.

But even if your response isn't Freeze, probably better not to wade in to the middle of their date!! He'd have cast op in the role of mentally unhinged x. Or poor misguided woman who believed they were serious, ah bless her.

@GreyCarpet

You've misread that for and

And have completely misunderstood the OP as a result.

Firstly, how do you know they were on a date and not just out with a female friend?

Did he agree to exclusivity with you? or was it something you said to him and he didn't reciprocate?

I'm not sure you're in a position to have ago at him after only 8 dates, your not his wife! He's not cheating on you.

You either have an open relationship where you both date other people or you walk away.

Sorry op just read an earlier post re, not likely to be a friend.

So I'd totally ignore him & block him, if you say something to him, you are only confirming why he didn't stay exclusive with you in the first place. Sounds like you came on too strong with the "I don't want to date/have sex with anyone else, he got what he wanted from you and moved on ( no offence op)

He's obviously not grown up enough to have an adult conversation and say exactly what he means.

If it were me, I'd just totally block him, don't answer him or have any contact with him, don't show yourself up by saying anything and being 'clingy'

People are being so weird about the OP! She wasn't unclear and didn't come on too strong from what she said. It's very normal to agree you both won't see others while you explore a new relationship. Particularly before sex. It's not marriage vows or anything.

alphajuliet123 - Erm...I really don't think I could give a 'cheery hello' or a wave to my boyfriend if I saw him on what looked like a date with another woman.

Yeh, not only would that be very difficult but it colluded with the narrative (his) that he can do this to you. He cannot. OP told him he cannot sleep with her and be out there still dating and having sex with other people.

I dont know if id trust myself to be this restrained but @usersunisdulltoday I'd text, "while I was looking for a relationship, it's clear you are not the type of man I'm looking for".

Did you text him #op??
I hope you're ok

Whether it's 8 dates or 8 months, this man is not to be trusted.

Sorry OP, but you must end it

Ok update and to clear the confusion up

We had a convo where we both agreed that we weren't going to be sleeping with anyone else if we were sleeping together.

I did text and just say that I had seen him, I was disappointed and that as I had previously stated i wasn't up for either sleeping with others I wasn't interested in seeing him again!

He came back and has said that I got wrong end of stick, it was a old family friend that used to baby sit, who had been travelling and they met up last minute for 1 drink to catch up as she wanted to know about what has been going on (not going into details but a lot has gone on in the last 18 months for the family) (oh she's 23) we are both mid 40's

So now 🤷‍♀️

Oh she also said he had understood why I was upset but it was a total last minute arrangement

So why did he lie before, as to where he was ?

I've just gone back and read your previous posts.

His explanation is plausible. Or at least it would be if he hadn't lied about where he was and the body language hadn't suggested it was a date.

Having said that, I've changed my plans at the last minute when I've already told someone I was staying at home. I wasn't lying because that was my intention when they asked.

But the body language.

It's a hard one because you can't possibly know someone well enough after a few dates to know how trustworthy they are.