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Original poster

He went on a date with someone else

146 replies

usersunisdulltoday · 10/06/2023 07:30

I've been dating a man for a while snd everything had been great (about 8 dates in) chemistry and I really thought we were on the same page snd he liked me, we have been sleeping together and before that happened I had stated I wasn't interested in sleeping with anyone that was still seeing others and he agreed.

Last night I saw him on a date with another woman!! I'm pretty gutted and now see that actually he isn't very interested in me snd is just keeping me around while he looks for the right one.

I'm battling with myself now, if I say something or not.... do I have a right to say anything

OP posts:
teadi · 10/06/2023 10:38

Seeing him in person to tell him is way more effort than he deserves.

It would be the lying for me.

I've used OLD in the past so familiar with the multi-dating thing. I hated it but there are more red flags here than typical multi-dating: giving the impression you're exclusive by sleeping with you after what you said; lying about what he's doing (doesn't need to say he's on a date but at least say out with a friend; and texting you while on a date with someone else (not fair on that woman but would always leave me wondering if he was texting other women while with me)

alphajuliet123 · 10/06/2023 10:44

Why on earth didn’t you say anything at the time? A cheery hello or just a wave would have done. Or a text saying how’s xxxx restaurant/bar. I never understand it when people do or say nothing. Odd.

pipermaru1 · 10/06/2023 11:38

How do you know it was a date? Could
It have been sister, friend?

Christmascracker0 · 10/06/2023 11:42

My first thought was how do you know it was a date? Also I’m not sure from the OP that exclusivity was actually agreed from both sides - you said sleeping with other people but not dating, on apps etc.

You just need to speak to him.

NatureNurture85 · 10/06/2023 11:44

Block, delete and get a STD test!

xXiXx · 10/06/2023 11:51

Very shabby behaviour on his part @usersunisdulltoday

Nobody's forcing him to commit to you or be faithful to you but he has a lot of respect for his own agenda to look around but none for your agenda not to have casual sex.

TheSnowyOwl · 10/06/2023 11:55

The next time he messages you just reply with “I’m looking for a relationship but not with you, so there isn’t any point in us continuing to message or meet up” and leave it at that. Don’t reply if he then messages again.

TheSnowyOwl · 10/06/2023 11:56

Whilst I agree with the comments that it might not be a date, the OP has said he lied to her about where he was and the body language convinced her it was a date. It’s such early days that I’d just leave things and move on now.

billy1966 · 10/06/2023 11:57

Delete and ignore, block if you wish.

I see nothing to be gained by meeting him.

I don't believe there is anything to be gained trying to travel some mythical "high road" when dealing with a twat.

xXiXx · 10/06/2023 11:58

The OP said upthread, she saw them together and could tell from body language it was a date.

Vet12 · 10/06/2023 11:58

I was going to say it could’ve been a sister. My partner is very closed with his sister, if seen out of context I’d definitely assume first date. Think kiss on cheek for hello, laughing and joking, long hug and a cheek kiss goodbye. This is absolutely alien to me as someone who was never shown affection by family. He’s half Italian, not sure if it’s relevant but he acts exactly the same around his male cousins and his parents.

However the lying about whereabouts suggests it’s not a sibling.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 10/06/2023 12:08

would just ghost him tbh. He doesn’t even deserve a text

agree !!! Definately not a face to face
as frankly he will probably ghost you anyway given what you said about messaging toning off

delete delete delete

GreyCarpet · 10/06/2023 12:27

Berlinlover · 10/06/2023 07:44

Read OP’s post again.

Show quote history

we have been sleeping together and before that happened I had stated I wasn't interested in sleeping with anyone that was still seeing others and he agreed.

I read the OP's post again after reading this post.

It is what the OP says.

She told him.she wasn't interested in sleeping with anyone and was still seeing others.

LadyH846 · 10/06/2023 12:32

After 8 dates and given the circumstances, I'd dump him by text. It's what he deserves, especially as he's leaving you on read.

CaptainMum · 10/06/2023 12:38

I'd meet up- at the place you both were. Towards the end of a big meal, say you were there recently and loved it. " I think you did too... (big smile)... I won't be seeing you again." And leave him to settle the bill 😊

CaloundraBlues · 10/06/2023 14:11

GreyCarpet · 10/06/2023 12:27

we have been sleeping together and before that happened I had stated I wasn't interested in sleeping with anyone that was still seeing others and he agreed.

I read the OP's post again after reading this post.

It is what the OP says.

She told him.she wasn't interested in sleeping with anyone and was still seeing others.

Show quote history

No she didn't, she quite clearly said she wasn't interested in sleeping with someone who was still seeing others! Why are people struggling with this???

Aprilx · 10/06/2023 14:32

usersunisdulltoday · 10/06/2023 10:06

Definitely not a sister and definitely no twin , he's contact has changed a lot over the last week also not messaging like he was as much done days constant others leaving me on read for hours

I'm just trying to decide weather to text or do it in person

You don’t need to do this in person in such a new relationship. I wouldn’t even tell him what you saw, I’d give a generic brush off.

Berlinlover · 10/06/2023 15:06

GreyCarpet · 10/06/2023 12:27

we have been sleeping together and before that happened I had stated I wasn't interested in sleeping with anyone that was still seeing others and he agreed.

I read the OP's post again after reading this post.

It is what the OP says.

She told him.she wasn't interested in sleeping with anyone and was still seeing others.

Show quote history

Seriously?

determinedtomakethiswork · 10/06/2023 15:10

I doubt he's looking for the right one, just wanted to shag around. You've dodged a bullet there.

loveacuddle1 · 10/06/2023 15:20

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 10/06/2023 10:35

“I hope you had a good date last night. It’s a shame you felt the need to lie to me about it. This isn’t really working for me anymore. All the best.”

Block.

Then forget him. It has the potential added bonus of slightly torturing him as you’ll likely become a million times more appealing all of a sudden, but you won’t have to deal with that due to the blocking. Win.

I’d probably do something like this.
I personally, would find it very hard just to block / delete and would feel the urge to say something, especially if I’d slept with him as there would be feelings involved.

This message is to the point though, you get to keep hold of your dignity and sort of leave him having taken the high road, calling him
a liar at the same time. Plus he’ll be left wondering how you found out etc and hopefully that will mess with his head - added bonus!

GreyCarpet · 10/06/2023 15:20

Berlinlover · 10/06/2023 15:06

Seriously?

Show quote history

Well it's what the OP typed so I guess people have to take her at her word 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sidge · 10/06/2023 15:34

@GreyCarpet read it again.

She told him she wasn't interested in sleeping with anyone THAT was still seeing others. Not AND seeing others.

@usersunisdulltoday just message him “I know you lied to me as I saw you out with another woman last night. This isn’t going to work for me as I prefer honesty and exclusivity in my sexual relationships”. Then delete and block.

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 10/06/2023 16:00

usersunisdulltoday · 10/06/2023 10:06

Definitely not a sister and definitely no twin , he's contact has changed a lot over the last week also not messaging like he was as much done days constant others leaving me on read for hours

I'm just trying to decide weather to text or do it in person

I honestly wouldn't bother in these circumstances. He's listened to you saying that you want an exclusive relationship if you're having sex with him and he's lied to you.

He really doesn't deserve an explanation. Of you feel you need to tell him something for to be cathartic for, write it all down then rip it up.

I'd block him and book an STI check.

Shapemyeyebrows · 10/06/2023 16:05

@usersunisdulltoday I don’t understand why you would wait to see him again, he was clearly on a date and lied to you about it. Just message him and say you saw him on a date just after he had messaged you saying he was home, trust and honesty is very important to you so you don’t want to see him again now you know he’s been seeing others and lying to you. Then delete his number and don’t engage any further. He will probably try and talk you round to keep you as a back up, so don’t let him worm his way in.

Hellohah · 10/06/2023 16:12

I agree with previous posts, you're giving him too much head space. Just text him and then it's done x

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